2020/05/22 · 2:11 pm
Winners at War? More like Whiners at War. Or Winners at Warm Fuzzy Feelings. Or Winners on the Survivor Celebrity Cruise. [takes a bow]
These are all alternate subtitles for this past “greatest of all-time” season of Survivor (these are also names I flirted with for the headline of this post, and I just couldn’t bear to part with them. So, bonus titles! You’re welcome).
Without doing the arithmetic, I’ve probably posted more about Survivor than any other subject on this blog (are we still saying “blog?” Pop culture review? Internet phenomenon? Literary TikTok?). Certainly I’ve written more words about it than any other show, if the memory of my epic poem-length recaps serves correctly. So there ever was a time to dip my toes back into that clear blue Fijian water, it certainly seems like that time is now. With Season 40 just barely in our rear view, here are my thoughts:
I hated it.
Okay, that is not entirely true or accurate. But it was a letdown, peaking mid-season with the back-to-back-to-back eliminations of Boston Rob, Parvati and Sandra, and then not quite reaching that gear again. All things considered it will probably end up near the bottom of my top 10, or maybe even in the top 15 (I need to do a proper ranking, but perhaps that’s a post for another day). However, this season – as has been the trend in recent Survivor times – succeeded in spite of itself. And I shall endeavor to tell you why (buckle up, it’s going to be a bumpy, scattered ride).
Continue reading →
Filed under Century 21 Reality, LOST, Tribal Council
Tagged as CBS, Heroes Vs. Villains, Jeff Probst, Parvati, Sophie, Survivor, Tom Westman, Tony Vlachos, Winners at War
2013/08/26 · 6:11 pm
Earlier this month, after weeks of cook-offs and focus groups and pilot pitches, the finale of Food Network Star came down to two fledgling cheftestants. One was lucky to be there, having managed to survive the competition despite flashing questionable culinary skills and failing to demonstrate adequate food authority, presenting repetitive dishes that had more style than substance, lasting from week after week almost entirely due to their charming, fun, magnetic personality, despite a marked absence of ability, professionalism and on-camera talent. And the other finalist was pie-man Rodney Henry.
More: Can you bake a pie? No. Neither can him.
Filed under Be careful what you wish for, Century 21 Reality, Tex Wasabi's, The Sixth Taste, What? Too fabulous?
Tagged as #PieStyle, Alton Brown, Anakin Skywalker, Bobby Flay, Damaris Phillips, Flavortown, Food Network, Food Network Star, gastronauts, giada de laurentiis, Guy Fieri, Midi-chlorians, Nikki Dinki, Pie Style, Robert Irvine, Rodney Henry, Stacey Poon-Kinney, Tom Westman
2013/04/23 · 12:49 pm
On the last Survivor: Caramaon – Fans vs. Favorites 2 Legit 2 Quit we were privy to one of the greatest, most unexpected Tribal Councils of all-time, with confusion going into the vote causing to Malcolm flip his vote to Reynold and then subsequently persuade Reynold to gift his own Immunity to Malcolm. That series of events we knew would be hard to beat, even to approximate. To think so, to hope so, would be reckless and negligent, and truly unfair to the institution known as Survivor.
But this show is predicated on surprising you. And just when you think you’ve seen it all, there might just be another shocking, breathtaking turn of events right around the corner.
First, these kids are creepy. An unwelcome visit from Kid Sister and My Buddy. Can’t tell if they’re expressing joy or crying for help, like Hasidic children on a school bus.
Continue: Dawn’s a damsel in distress…
Filed under Analysis, Brilliance, Century 21 Reality, Freak Out Control, Tribal Council, What? Too fabulous?
Tagged as 2 Legit 2 Quit, 30 Rock, Always Be Committed, American Dad, Andrea, balls, Caramoan, Carl Weathers, community, Daenerys Targaryen, Danny Devito, David After the Dentist, Dawn Meehan, Dimmer Switch, Former Federal Agent Fillip, Friendship Bracelets, Goose, Hardy Boys, Harry, Home Alone, Jeff Probst, Kid Sister, Liz Lemon, Malcolm & Eddie, My Buddy, Palau, Pippi Longstocking, Pretty Good Western, Reynold, Survivor, Team Bro, The Penguin, The Tuxedo Begins, Tom Westman, Top Gun, UPN, Where are my dragons? Grape Lady
2013/04/14 · 7:42 pm
On Survivor, such as in life, if you don’t learn from the past then you’re doomed to repeat it. We see this time and time again, as if to illustrate to young, aspiring players what not to do, teaching us lessons while we watch from our couches. Don’t get involved romantically, don’t go home with an Idol in your pocket, don’t throw challenges. Watch, observe, absorb, and if something doesn’t work, don’t try it again. However, while the power of history is strong, it is no match for hubris; it cannot outlast, outwit, or outplay the person who believes that they can go right where others have gone wrong.
Last week on Survivor: Caramoan – Fans vs. Favorites 2 Legit 2 Quit, Corinne believed that she could turn the game on its head, upend her alliance and install herself as new Queen of the island. But, even with the numbers already in hand, she got too confident, too sure, and talked too much. She flew too close to the sun and not only were her wings burned, so was her blue bikini. She had the opportunity to make a gigantic move, but overreached, talked to Dawn, and became the author of her own demise. Hopefully, one would think, that the other players would take notice and not commit the same mistakes. However, this is Survivor. History repeats itself. But, thankfully, in oh so different and mind-blowing ways.
Continue: Bro down or bro, down?
Filed under Analysis, Century 21 Reality, Comic Book Guy, Tribal Council
Tagged as 2 Legit to 2 Quit, All the Real Girls, Always Be Counting, Andrea, Arya Stark, Bam Margera, Bo Jackson, Brenda GIF, Buddy Bands, Caramoan, Cochran, Dawn Meehan, Ed Amame, Eddie, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, Fans vs. Favorites, Former Federal Agent Fillip, Game of Thrones, Good Luck Chuck, Gun Shy, Jack Black, Jackass, Jaqen, Kathryn Bigelow, Lily, LOST, Malcolm, Married with Children, Modern Family, Mr. & Mrs. Smith, No Homers Club, No Ma'am, Not Penny's boat, Premonition, Reynold, Rogue, Sandra Bullock, Saved by the Bell, Sherri, Snakes, Stealth 'R' Us, Survivor, Survivor Palau, Team Bro, Tecmo Bowl, Tenacious D, The Simpsons, The Snorkels, Tom Westman, X-Men: The Animated Series, Zero Dark Thirty
2013/04/06 · 4:39 pm
One of the great paradoxes in Survivor – an element of the game that makes this show truly fantastic and always enjoyable – is that to make it far you must build a strong alliance with a numbers advantage, but a strong alliance that has the numbers almost always means that the alliance will need to turn on itself at some point, often times the weaker members taking out the strong. In many ways, you’re penalized for playing the game too well. If you form an alliance that is too strong, too large, you may wind up eating you own tail. And frequently, this happens just after the merge, which is why this junction in the Survivor: Caramoan – Fans vs. Favorites 2 Legit 2 Quit is so critical. It could be the last chance to dump some dead weight – or a significant threat – before getting too deep. With some players on the outs looking to get back in and other Survivors feeling vulnerable in their alliance, this is the time when loyalties shift, and when the permutations sometimes feel endless. This is why you can watch this show for twenty-three seasons and still see something new.
However, before we get to a merge the BeKool tribe, still not sure if actually voted out some person named Julia or just busted the myth of her existence, returns to camp from Tribal Council and Stealth ‘R’ Us CEO Former Federal Agent(?) Fillip immediately calls a board meeting. “Conference room, now!” Stepping into his executive chambers (a completely visible space four feet from the shelter), Fill clings to the tall tale he spun to Cochran last week, explaining to S’R’U Senior VPs Dawn and Corinne that he deliberately threw the Immunity Challenge in order to vote off that person who may or may not have existed (Gulia was it?). Of course, Dawn and Corinne know this is an absolute lie that Fillip absolutely believes, and, through some feat of herculean strength, play along with FFAF’s delusion. But they know that he’s living in a fantasy world, and Corinne is starting to find it really embarrassing.
More: Dawn goes to her special place, Cochran shocks the world, and Mutiny aboard the HMS Stealth ‘R’ Us…
Filed under Analysis, It's gross., Saved by the Bell, Tribal Council
Tagged as 2 Legit 2 Quit, Always Be Chewing, Balut, Bar Mitzvah, BeKool, Birdie, Bobby Jon Drinkard, Boston Rob, Buddy Bands, Caramoan, Carol Burnett, Changnesia, Cochran, Corinne, Crab Juice, Dawn, Enil Edam, Extreme Makeover Home Edition, Fans vs. Favorites, Former Federal Agent Fillip, Friends Forever, Goya, Jeff Probst, Lady and the Tramp, Malcolm, mashed potato, McDonaldland, Not Penny's boat, Palau, Saved by the Bell, Screech, Sending our love down the well, shipworms, Simpsons, Sonia Sotomayor, Stealth 'R' Us, Step by Step, Survivor, Tom Westman, VH1, Wicked Single
2013/04/02 · 3:42 pm
Previously on Survivor: Caramoan – Fans vs. Favorites 2 Legit 2 Quit we found out that Corinne has a truly curious and rather unsettling affection (affectation?) for gays. Well, it seems that everyone is letting all their skeletons out of the closet now, as this person who is apparently named Julia has decided she wants to pretend she has some semblance of a personality and reveal something very private and kind of gross.
TMI, Ju…damn, forgot her name.
Michael is taking the loss of his partner in crime (the crime being losing every Immunity Challenge) BMX Bike Sales Matt surprisingly well. In fact, he’s single and ready to mingle. And he’s in luck! Corinne is more than eager to envelop Michael and keep him close to her bosom, Mama Corinne keeping him safe in this game as long as she can. Good thing she’s been quiet about her love of gays or else someone in her alliance might start to grow suspicious. Way to play it close to the blue bikini top!
In case you’ve missed every episode so far, Former Federal Agent(?) Fillip is in phenomenal shape. The guy is a freak of nature. Unbeatable in anything that emphasizes upper body strength, which, as we know, is every Survivor challenge ever. He’s so strong that he can even beat a physical specimen like John Cochran at arm wrestling. JOHN COCHRAN! A pasty yet sunburnt indoor kid who could serve as Captain America’s “before” photo; someone who is probably half Fillip’s size (which means that if Cochran played basketball at Fill’s gym then he’d be balling against guys four times his size. Wow!). So how could FFAF defeat the Hulk-like Cochran (Hulk-like in so far as he’s probably really good at physics)? Well, he’s got a can’t-lose technique.
Read on: Phil goes over the top, but is he too top heavy?
Filed under Analysis, Century 21 Reality, Count Bleh, Golden Girls, Tribal Council, What? Too fabulous?, Winterfallen
Tagged as 2 Legit 2 Quit, Allied Powers, Always Be Comatose, arm wrestling, Art of War, Back to the Track, Batman, Bea Arthur Golden Girls, beach run, BeKool, Big Toss, Bill Cosby, Boston Rob, Breast feeding, British Bulldog, Caramoan, Cochran, Combustible Huxtable, Corinne, Dan Quayle, Dancin' Homer, Dawn, Dead People, Erik, Fans vs. Favorites, foopah, Former Federal Agent Fillip, Game of Thrones, Gay, Girls, Goya, grappling hook, Gulliver's Travels, Haley Joel Osment, Jeff Probst, Jim Carrey, Julia, Lex Luger, Lifeguard, Lloyd Bentsen, Malcolm, Malcolm & Eddie, Malcolm Jamal-Warner, Michael, Mike Skupin, Nutty Cuckoo Super King, Over the Top, Palau, Pontiac Aztec, Poseidon Adventure, Reynold, Ring Around the Rosie, Robin Arryn, Shoshanna, Sixth Sense, SNL, Stealth 'R' Us, Survivor, Sylvester Stallone, Team Bro, The Cosby Show, The Real World, Tom Westman, UPN, WWE, You're no Jack Kennedy
2013/02/20 · 1:22 am
Aaaaaaaanaaaaaaand we’re back! For Survivor’s 26th season they’ve returned to the Philippines and revisited a familiar format with Survivor: Caramoan – Fans vs. Favorites 2 Legit to Quit. Except, this time around, the “Favorites” aren’t necessarily favorites, or heroes, or even skilled players. They are, for the most part, memorable personalities, some remembered for as much bad as good. Whether that was a wise casting decision will be borne out over the next few months. However, before we dive into the new season, let’s take a brief look back, way back, to Survivor: Palau.
Why return to the 10th season of this long-running series, which premiered in early 2005? Because, after recently completing our second viewing of the season, we feel confident in asserting that Palau is the strongest and most entertaining entry in the Survivor pantheon. And why do we say that? Well, let us tell you, in list format:
Read on: Five Keys to Palau and Phillip Puts the Team Together
Filed under Analysis, Century 21 Reality, Lists, Mancrush, Tribal Council
Tagged as 2 Legit to Quit, Always Be Cute, BeKook, Boston Rob, Caramoan, cute monkey, Drago, Fans vs. Favorites, Former Federal Agent Fillip, Francesca, Goya, Ian, Jeff Probst, Malcolm, Palau, Phillip Sheppard, Redemption Island, Reynold, Rocky, Survivor, Tom Westman
2012/08/23 · 1:59 pm
There’s a tale we like to tell to novice or late-to-the-party Survivor fans. It’s a story – feels more like myth now – about a tribe called Kucha in a harsh landscape called the Outback. This is pre-Russell Hantz, pre-Boston Rob, even pre-Tom Westman. This is back in the second season of Survivor, when they had no idea that their initial success would continue nearly unabated for twenty-four seasons, that Richard Hatch and his flabby, hairy, naked figure strolling the beach in Borneo had changed the face of television forever. In season two the show was still in unknown territory, not yet a cultural institution with enough memorable moments to fill a double DVD and enough beloved (and reviled) players to field a competitive softball league. This was a long time ago. But all that time we’ve never forgotten about Michael Skupin. And never gave up hope – despite how unlikely it seemed – that he would return.
We often relate how this season featured a tribe that we found to be as formidable and as likable (save for Kimmi) as any tribe in Survivor’s prodigious history. It featured a pretty young face that we’d come to later know as Elisabeth Hasslebeck, football wife and The View co-host/conservative punching bag, then going by the surname Filarski. And while Kucha lacked the statistical dominance of Tom Westman’s Koror tribe in Palau, the team felt as strong and cohesive as any tribe, and it was getting stronger and more cohesive after each challenge and Tribal Council. There was Jeff Varner, the good-looking, drawling Tar Heel, and his partner-in-crime Alicia Calaway, who could have easily parlayed her Survivor appearance into a berth in the WWE. There was Old Man Rodger, who had formed such a sweet, good-natured, grandfather-granddaughter relationship with Elisabeth. And there was Nick Brown, the bright, young Harvard Law student. And they were all led by Michael Skupin, a midwest father whose receding hairline was more Bruce Willis than Ron Howard. Skupin served as heart and soul of the team, his intelligence and survival skills keeping Kucha focused and united at camp, his athletic ability pacing them in challenges, and his hunting prowess keeping them energized. With his guidance Kucha was poised to decimate the Ogakor Tribe, which featured such bickering, unlikable players as Jerri “the Black Widow” Manthey, arrogant chef Keith Famie, mama’s boy himbo Colby Donaldson, mama surrogate Tina Wesson, and another pretty face named Amber (yep, that Amber); it was a tribe that fell out of favor with us the moment they voted out Maralyn “Mad Dog” Hershey. Ogakor featured several future All-Stars and a couple million dollar winners, but after five tribal councils they were faltering, fractured and frustrated (Colby dousing Jerri with a bucket of water following a Reward Challenge loss, for example), and with one more Immunity Challenge defeat they were in danger of going into the merge down 6-4 to a Kucha Tribe operating with extreme confidence and bellies full of chickens and popcorn and, thanks to Mike, a pig.
And then, in the blink of an eye, it all came crashing down.
And like that, he’s gone…
Filed under Be careful what you wish for, Century 21 Reality, Freak Out Control, Mancrush, Tribal Council
Tagged as Alicia Calaway, Amber Brkich, Australia, Boston Rob, Bruce Willis, Coach, Colby Donaldon, Elisabeth Filarski, Elisabeth Hasselbeck, fire, Jeff Varner, Jerri Manthey, Jonathan Penner, Keith Famie, Kimmi Kappenberg, Koror, Kucha, Maralyn Mad Dog Hershey, Michael Skupin, Mike Skupin, Nick Brown, Ogakor, Outback, Palau, Richard Hatch, Rodger Bingham, Ron Howard, Russell Hantz, Russell Swan, Sandra Diaz-Twine, Sliding Doors, Survivor, Survivor: Philippines, The Amazing Race, The View, Tina Wesson, Tom Westman, WWE
2011/05/17 · 7:25 pm
Our Redemption Island journey came to an end Sunday night, and while the home stretch of the season had been rather uneventful and predictable, if economical, we still had the chance for fireworks in the last two hours. Would Rob complete what was unquestionably one of – if not the – definitive Survivor performances, winning it all in his fourth attempt? Or, perhaps, would Matt fulfill his destiny and return from Redemption Island to become the Sole Survivor (if that was God’s will)? Or would Mike, the lone remaining member of Zapatera, the double threat of soldier and Jesus lover, reenter the game and lockup votes from his former teammates? Or would Grant, the remarkable physical specimen, go undefeated down the stretch, the jury rewarding his unparalleled athletic prowess with a million dollars. Or, finally, would Andrea prove victorious in the final Redemption Island duel and surprise us all by going all the way to the end? Well, there’s no way that could happen, right?
Wrong! But could anyone possibly stand in the way of Boston Rob???
Filed under Analysis, Be careful what you wish for, Century 21 Reality, God Laughs, LOST, Masochism, Tribal Council, You Decide
Tagged as Always Be Controlling, American Gladiators, Andrea, Ashley, Boston Rob, David, Former Federal Agent Phillip, God, Grant, Great shot kid don't get cocky, I'm a lawyer, In Living Color, Jeff Probst, Jesus, Jim Carrey, John Locke, Labyrinth, Lisa Frank, Matt, Mike, Natalie, Nicaragua, Osama Bin Laden, Pyramid, Ralph, Redemption Island, Russell Hantz, Survivor, Tom Westman, Vera de Milo
2011/03/23 · 5:13 pm
So this week we entered the post-Russell Hantz era. And for those of you who complained that Russell was a sneaky, nefarious player who only made it to the finals because he had no chance to win, and that his dominance was a product of editing, and that he was a bore and boorish, well, do you miss him now? Because, say what you want about the guy, there’s no denying that he made things interesting. Which is perhaps something you can’t say about last night’s Survivor
Keep reading: Phillips say the darndest things. Plus: Tetris! Rubix Cubes! A giant maze!
Filed under Century 21 Reality, Growing Pains, It's gross., Tribal Council
Tagged as Alan Thicke, Boobs, Boston Rob, crabs, Crack Barrell, David the Laywer, Former Federal Agent Phillip, Hungry Hungry Hippos, Jennifer Capriati, Kardashians, Kerplunk, Krasta, Krista, Kristina, OJ, Ometepe, Palau, Redemption Island, Rubix Cube, Russell Hantz, Stephanie, Survivor, Tetris, Tom Westman, Wild & Crazy Kids, Zapatera