2012/10/17 · 4:21 pm
Alright, guys, let’s try to do this before the entirety of the Matisyahu Tribe is completely decimated and all we have left is the memory of Angie’s boobs. We’ve been dark for the last few weeks, but all we missed discussing was the systematic destruction of Russell Swan and the Gang. But after tonight, when Denise and Malcolm will likely be forced into tribe cannibalism for survival and admission to the merge, things should get more interesting. So throw away your binders full of women and let’s get to it.
(Note: we want to thank Nate Silver from the Electoral Blog FiveThirtyEight for providing absolutely no scientific of statistical input for these predictions.)
Abi-Maria: Well, if the idea of the game was to out-crazy, out-make no sense, out-constantly touch your hair, then Abi-Maria would have this game completely locked up. Unfortunately for her, that is not how the game is played, and what she considers strategic, clever gameplay is actually loose cannon paranoia that verges on schizophrenia. Perhaps the reason that she keeps pulling at her tresses is that she’s trying to keep the voices out (or in). Certainly, considering the rapid disintegration of her alliance with RC Cola, her loyalty and judgment are suspect, and we think she’s ripe for a blind-side down the road. Odds of Winning: 45-1
Up Next: Sinbad!
Filed under Analysis, Bob Loblaw, Century 21 Reality, Dillon Panthers, Saved by the Bell, Tribal Council
Tagged as Abi-Maria, Amber Brkich, American Gladiators, Angel Salvadore, Angie, Archie Betty, Arrested Development, Artis, Barry Bonds, Bayside, Benihana, Binders Full of Women, Blair, Bobby Jon Drinkard, Boston Rob, Carter, Dana, Dawson, Denise, Elecitonate, Facts of Life, FiveThirtyEight, George Clooney, Inspector Clouseau, Jeff Kent, Jo, Jonah Hill, Kabbalah, Kat, Katie, Kelly Kapowski, Kristen Stewart, Lisa Whelchel, Lt. Dan, Malcolm, Matisyahu, Matrix Twins, Michael Jordan, Michael Rapaport, Michael Skupin, Mrs. Garrett, My Secret Identity, Nate Cohn, Nate Silver, Penner, Pete, Philippines, Rambo, RC Cola, Roxy, Russell Swan, Sandra Diaz-Twine, Saved by the Bell, Sinbad, Stephenie LaGrossa, Super Troopers, Survivor, Sylvester Stallone, Taylor Kitsch, The Expendables, The Fabulous Moolah, The Wire, Tim Riggins, Tootie, Top Chef Tattoos, Wallace, Wesley Two Scoops Berry, X-Men, X-Men: First Class, Zane, Zit-Off, Zoe Kravitz
2012/08/23 · 1:59 pm
There’s a tale we like to tell to novice or late-to-the-party Survivor fans. It’s a story – feels more like myth now – about a tribe called Kucha in a harsh landscape called the Outback. This is pre-Russell Hantz, pre-Boston Rob, even pre-Tom Westman. This is back in the second season of Survivor, when they had no idea that their initial success would continue nearly unabated for twenty-four seasons, that Richard Hatch and his flabby, hairy, naked figure strolling the beach in Borneo had changed the face of television forever. In season two the show was still in unknown territory, not yet a cultural institution with enough memorable moments to fill a double DVD and enough beloved (and reviled) players to field a competitive softball league. This was a long time ago. But all that time we’ve never forgotten about Michael Skupin. And never gave up hope – despite how unlikely it seemed – that he would return.
We often relate how this season featured a tribe that we found to be as formidable and as likable (save for Kimmi) as any tribe in Survivor’s prodigious history. It featured a pretty young face that we’d come to later know as Elisabeth Hasslebeck, football wife and The View co-host/conservative punching bag, then going by the surname Filarski. And while Kucha lacked the statistical dominance of Tom Westman’s Koror tribe in Palau, the team felt as strong and cohesive as any tribe, and it was getting stronger and more cohesive after each challenge and Tribal Council. There was Jeff Varner, the good-looking, drawling Tar Heel, and his partner-in-crime Alicia Calaway, who could have easily parlayed her Survivor appearance into a berth in the WWE. There was Old Man Rodger, who had formed such a sweet, good-natured, grandfather-granddaughter relationship with Elisabeth. And there was Nick Brown, the bright, young Harvard Law student. And they were all led by Michael Skupin, a midwest father whose receding hairline was more Bruce Willis than Ron Howard. Skupin served as heart and soul of the team, his intelligence and survival skills keeping Kucha focused and united at camp, his athletic ability pacing them in challenges, and his hunting prowess keeping them energized. With his guidance Kucha was poised to decimate the Ogakor Tribe, which featured such bickering, unlikable players as Jerri “the Black Widow” Manthey, arrogant chef Keith Famie, mama’s boy himbo Colby Donaldson, mama surrogate Tina Wesson, and another pretty face named Amber (yep, that Amber); it was a tribe that fell out of favor with us the moment they voted out Maralyn “Mad Dog” Hershey. Ogakor featured several future All-Stars and a couple million dollar winners, but after five tribal councils they were faltering, fractured and frustrated (Colby dousing Jerri with a bucket of water following a Reward Challenge loss, for example), and with one more Immunity Challenge defeat they were in danger of going into the merge down 6-4 to a Kucha Tribe operating with extreme confidence and bellies full of chickens and popcorn and, thanks to Mike, a pig.
And then, in the blink of an eye, it all came crashing down.
And like that, he’s gone…
Filed under Be careful what you wish for, Century 21 Reality, Freak Out Control, Mancrush, Tribal Council
Tagged as Alicia Calaway, Amber Brkich, Australia, Boston Rob, Bruce Willis, Coach, Colby Donaldon, Elisabeth Filarski, Elisabeth Hasselbeck, fire, Jeff Varner, Jerri Manthey, Jonathan Penner, Keith Famie, Kimmi Kappenberg, Koror, Kucha, Maralyn Mad Dog Hershey, Michael Skupin, Mike Skupin, Nick Brown, Ogakor, Outback, Palau, Richard Hatch, Rodger Bingham, Ron Howard, Russell Hantz, Russell Swan, Sandra Diaz-Twine, Sliding Doors, Survivor, Survivor: Philippines, The Amazing Race, The View, Tina Wesson, Tom Westman, WWE
2010/05/20 · 11:36 am
About 3/4 of the way through the Survivor finale I turned to my viewing companion and said “If Sandra wins it might just ruin the whole season for me.” A season, that up to that point, had been arguably the greatest in Survivor history. But he calmed my fears, assuring me she wouldn’t win, and I thought “yeah, you’re right she’s not winning.” It was just a moment of weakness where I let a worst-case impossible scenario appear to be a viable outcome. But I quickly blocked out that preposterous notion.
Well, the good news is that, three nights after the finale aired, I do not feel that the season was ruined by virtue of its final vote. However, the bad news is my nightmare came true. Sandra won. For the 2nd time. The castaway who has never won a single challenge won a second time.
NEVER WON A SINGLE CHALLENGE. IN TWO SEASONS. And this time around she didn’t win by being slightly less worthless than a glorified girl scout. No, this time she beat out Russell and Parvati, arguably the greatest strategist and greatest social player of all time, respectively. So what gives? How could this possibly happen?
Read on: The jury needs to grow up. Plus, our hero returns!
Filed under Analysis, Century 21 Reality, Tribal Council
Tagged as All-Stars, Hantz, Jeff Probst, Parvati, Rupert, Russell, Sandra, Sandra Diaz-Twine, Survivor, Tom Westman
2010/03/25 · 3:33 pm
We we came home to an unexpected treat last night. No, not the Rangers-Islanders game broadcast in 3D (because who besides Future Marty McFly owns a 3D TV? (although, I guess future Marty McFly would now be Present Marty McFly, but that’s there not here)). We’re talking about a special Wednesday episode of Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains (moved up a night, as is the yearly tradition, to accommodate March Madness, or, as I think of it, Annual Exploitation of College Kids in Order to Line the Already Deep Pockets of Television Networks and Elite Universities While at the Same Time Deferring Attention From the Start of the Baseball Season Madness. Wow, two sports references in the first paragraph. We’ll stop, promise). And boy, was it ever special.
After our hero Lt. Tom Westman was voted out two weeks ago we* were glad that the show had a mini-hiatus last week. We needed the time to mourn, to come to terms, to learn to love again. And honestly, when the show started last night we didn’t know if we still had the desire. Perhaps the spark was gone. And when it soon became clear that Colby, Tom’s deputy and the last remaining true hero, and Russell, the most entertaining and devious competitor, were on the chopping block our excitement for the rest of the season was diminished even further. A show with no Tom, no Colby, no Russell (and no curmudgeonly Randy)? Would that even be a show worth watching? Why continue tuning in to see Rupert sacrifice his integrity for a weak alliance, to see James hobble his way through challenges and jackass his way through Tribal Councils, to see Courtney literally waste away, to see Sandra make it to the final three by doing absolutely nothing (and to begrudgingly see Boston Rob dominate physically and mentally). I’m just not sure that’s a show I want to watch.
And after the combination reward/immunity challenge, and the promise of both tribes going to Council, the show tried to tease us into thinking that Russell would maybe outsmart Boston Rob, and that perhaps the Heroes tribe would (a week too late) vote out James if he couldn’t beat JT in a footrace. But we knew better than that. They were just trying to create false drama, a faint, feigned glimmer of hope that our white knight and our red devil wouldn’t be going home. Sorry, Survivor, you can’t fool us that easily.
No, not this way…
Filed under Must See TV, Tribal Council
Tagged as 3D, Always Be Confused, Boston Rob, Coach, Colby Donaldson, Courtney Yates, Hantz, Heroes Vs. Villains, Islanders, James Clement, JT, Marty McFly, Parvati Shalow, Randy Bailey, Rangers, Rupert Boneham, Russell, Sandra Diaz-Twine, Survivor, Tom Westman, Tyson Apostol