Category Archives: Golden Girls

‘Survivor: Caramoan’ – Vanilla Gorilla

Previously on Survivor: Caramoan – Fans vs. Favorites 2 Legit 2 Quit we found out that Corinne has a truly curious and rather unsettling affection (affectation?) for gays. Well, it seems that everyone is letting all their skeletons out of the closet now, as this person who is apparently named Julia has decided she wants to pretend she has some semblance of a personality and reveal something very private and kind of gross.

Survivor Caramoan Julia Peed Herself

TMI, Ju…damn, forgot her name.

Michael is taking the loss of his partner in crime (the crime being losing every Immunity Challenge) BMX Bike Sales Matt surprisingly well. In fact, he’s single and ready to mingle. And he’s in luck! Corinne is more than eager to envelop Michael and keep him close to her bosom, Mama Corinne keeping him safe in this game as long as she can. Good thing she’s been quiet about her love of gays or else someone in her alliance might start to grow suspicious. Way to play it close to the blue bikini top!

In case you’ve missed every episode so far, Former Federal Agent(?) Fillip is in phenomenal shape. The guy is a freak of nature. Unbeatable in anything that emphasizes upper body strength, which, as we know, is every Survivor challenge ever. He’s so strong that he can even beat a physical specimen like John Cochran at arm wrestling. JOHN COCHRAN! A pasty yet sunburnt indoor kid who could serve as Captain America’s “before” photo; someone who is probably half Fillip’s size (which means that if Cochran played basketball at Fill’s gym then he’d be balling against guys four times his size. Wow!). So how could FFAF defeat the Hulk-like Cochran (Hulk-like in so far as he’s probably really good at physics)? Well, he’s got a can’t-lose technique.

Read on: Phil goes over the top, but is he too top heavy?

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Filed under Analysis, Century 21 Reality, Count Bleh, Golden Girls, Tribal Council, What? Too fabulous?, Winterfallen

21 Jump Streets Ahead: Officer Hanson Doesn’t Like Chocolate Milk

Last week dear Jumped the Snark friend Eliot Glazer co-hosted a night of trivia in Brooklyn themed around the two great female-ensemble sitcoms of the late 80s/early 90s – Golden Girls and Designing Women.  In between rounds Glazer and co-host H. Alan Scott played clips from each series, highlighting not just how smart, funny and fresh the shows still are, but also how they weren’t afraid to confront taboo issues of the time, including AIDS and homosexuality.  These serious, socially conscious moments reminded us of another show from that era that wasn’t afraid to push the envelope.  In fact, this show seemed to make taking on controversial issues its main agenda.  And that show was 21 Jump Street.  Yes, it’s wildly different from those double X chromosome comedies above, and does not hold up a fraction as well (we now wonder if it even held up in its time), but, looking back, 21 Jump Street was often going out there on a limb on the nascent Fox Network, bringing uncomfortable, sensitive but relevant issues to the forefront.  We’re going to make an attempt to semi-regularly feature some of these moments, starting right now.

It’s really hard to believe that we were watching this show at six-years-old, first because it’s often slow, melodramatic and pedantic (as was the style of the time), and doesn’t star any cartoon ducks, and shouldn’t hold a six-year-old’s attention,  and secondly because it frequently contains a great deal of mature content, an amped up after-school special on five-hour delay (but compared to Silk Stalkings, which we began watching regularly a couple of years later, this was Green Acres.  Also, good parenting, Mom).  Even if an episode didn’t tackle a controversial issue of the time, it probably involved some kind of drugs and/or violence, or why else would Johnny Depp and Peter DeLuise go undercover as the McQuaid Brothers?  But the show frequently went beyond fake IDs and selling “dope” in the locker room, covering such topics at bigotry, racism, bullying, child abuse, class warfare and, in one single episode, HIV-AIDS and suicide.

In that episode, “A Big Disease with a Little Name,” Officer Hanson (pre-Jack Sparrow Johnny Depp and our first man-crush) is tasked with protecting Harley, a teenager with AIDS who continues to attend his high school despite protests from local parents and the hostile atmosphere fostered by his fellow students (also, unsurprisingly, Harley has an affinity for motorcycles).  Hanson isn’t afraid to sit at the same table as the kid, unlike much of the student body, but he’s not exempt from the same kind of prejudice, fear and ignorance, as we see when he declines Harley’s offer of chocolate milk.

But, as was often the case, 21 Jump Street functioned as an educational tool, teaching us there are three ways to contract HIV, and chocolate milk is not one of them.  And, as also was often the case, by the end of the forty-four minutes Hanson not only learned the lesson but took it to heart.

We don’t actually remember this episode from our childhood – perhaps it didn’t get much syndication play – but we do know we weren’t afraid of a little chocolate milk.  Maybe we have 21 Jump Street to thank for that.*

*Probably not.  

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Filed under Golden Girls, Jump Streets Ahead, Makes You Think, Mancrush

On a Very Special ‘It Gets Betterish’

For the better part of the last year we’ve had the privilege of producing the wonderful little web series It Gets Betterishcreated by and starring our dear friends Eliot Glazer and Brent Sullivan.  And this week we premiered our most bonkers video to date, they were generous enough to let us direct.  It’s our tribute to one of the great sitcom tropes of the late 80s/early 90s, equal parts Golden Girls, The Cosby Show and Growing Pains.  Except our take involves trannies, home birth and Tilda Swinton.

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Filed under Golden Girls, Growing Pains, Huh?, Virulent

Danza Moment of the Week: Christmas in Connecticut; Plus, Self-Promotion!

What happens when Angela decides to spend Christmas with that dick Geoffrey?  To what lengths will Angela go to find Tony’s baseball card?  What gift will Tony get for Angela that shows once and for all how much better he his than that dick Geoffrey?  Find out!

Continue (I know you will) with Parts II and III of “The Christmas Card.”

Isn’t it weird that the big joke with Mona is that she’s a huge slut?  Sorta like Blanche Devereaux, but with even less subtlety.  Kind creepy now (and even creepier as a 7-year-old).

In other (big!) Danza news, the folks over at Gawker.TV were kind enough to let us explore our fascination with Teach: Tony Danza in greater detail.  We ask the question: Whatever Happened to Teach: Tony Danza? Check it out!

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Filed under Count Bleh, Golden Girls, Nostalgia Corner, Who's the Boss?, Yankee Swap

In Memoriam (Sorta): Jen Carroll

Oh, Jen, you broke our heart.  Not because you were eliminated from Top Chef: All-Stars on just the second episode, but because of the way you went out: bitter, rude, disrespectful.  Now, Jen, don’t get us wrong, we love your feistiness, your spunk, your proclivity for profanity.  There’s very little we enjoy more than a tough broad.  And we were delighted that you returned for All-Stars with a renewed determination and confidence, after showing some mental weakness during your first go ’round in Vegas.  But Padma Lakshmi is in a Carl’s Jr. commercial, so when you’re in front of the judge’s table you better show her some respect.  Be a bitch, just be a classy bitch.  Like Jackie O.  Or Bea Arthur.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Jen, please pack your Crocs and go.

Looks like the path is even clearer for Professor Ricky Blaise.

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Filed under Century 21 Reality, Golden Girls, Top Scallop, Yasmine Bleeth

In Memoriam: Leslie Nielsen

What’s to be said has already been said, and said better, so we’ll just leave you, and Mr. Nielsen, with this:

Thanks for the laughs.  Hopefully every time anyone makes a “don’t call me Shirley” reference you’ll get another set of wings.

(see, that’s one pair right there)

 

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Filed under Golden Girls, In Memoriam

Muppet Monday: Muppets on Your Body!

There may have been bigger Muppet news this past week (and, indeed, over the last few weeks), but outside the confirmation that Jason Segel will also star in the upcoming Muppet movie (as was assumed for some time) this is the coolest Muppet News Flash in recent memory.  Check out one Muppet fan’s tribute to the Electric Mayhem:

And while we’re on the subject, take a gander at our friend Eliot’s amazing ink memorial to Bea Arthur, the goldest of The Golden Girls (Eliot is the father of Atticus, the pup of recent Jimmy Fallon fame)

BoingBoing via Vulture

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Filed under Golden Girls, Muppet Mondays, Muppets