Since sources indicate that the Cavaliers are delivering a strong pitch to LeBron James to return to the Cleve, I thought we’d have a little fun, step into the fantasy machine, and imagine what King James might look like in a Cavs uniform, should he choose the city so nice the Browns have called it home twice. This is a very crude mock-up, but I think it gets the idea across: LeBron would look GREAT in the ol’ blue and orange. The talk is very preliminary, but it just feels right, doesn’t it?
First, an apology: I was derelict in my responsibilities during this last season of Survivor, posting only a single recap in spite of yet another strong entry into the series. I can offer neither excuses nor reparations, just the promise that I will try not to be so negligent again. Trust me, I missed the recaps more than you, so it’s something I really hope to get back to. I can’t promise that this won’t happen again. But I promise I’ll try.
Now that my mea culpa is out-of-the-way, let us go ahead and – despite the season ending weeks ago – discuss the Survivor: Cagayan finale, as I finally got to the last few episodes this week and it’s still fresh in my mind. Cagayan continued what has been a string terrific, engaging, surprising Survivor seasons, a red-hot streak that has been the show’s renaissance, proving the series to be just as entertaining and relevant in its 28th season as it was in its first. And this season featured, if not one of its best players, one of its boldest, not-cop cop Tony, the Sole Survivor and winner of the million. To use a phrase that I really don’t care for, Tony played balls-out from day one, making alliances, immediately breaking them, swearing on his dead father’s grave like it had the weight of a Facebook RVSP, digging up Immunity Idols, lying about Immunity Idols, creating paranoia, letting his own paranoia persuade him to blindside players in his alliance, building #SpyShacks, and totally vexing his fellow Survivors and, often, himself in the process. It wasn’t the cleanest Survivor game ever, quite the opposite, but it was effective. Tony played big, was never out of the spotlight, but always managed to hang onto control of the game, partly because of his “bag of tricks,” but partly because no one else wanted to sport his bullseye. But being so omnipresent, so visible, often seemed to take Tony out of the discussion for elimination. Like the purloined letter, he was hidden in plain sight, deftly (sometimes) keeping his alliance committed and loyal and keeping himself safe. In the end, especially in a final two against Woo(!), Tony deserved to win the million. However, while Tony did the most to earn the victory, I was surprised at the lack of respect for Kass’s game, who likewise played a bold, unpredictable, cutthroat and successful (but just not successful enough) game.
In advance of the Survivor: Cagayan premiere tonight (how does the time move so fast?) we wanted to go back and right a wrong, at least partially, and belatedly offer some selected Blood vs. Water look-alikes. We’ll hopefully stay on point with Cagayan blog posts (as opposed to last season’s blackout, which we apologize for), so full look-alikes and player odds for that season should hopefully arrive in a few weeks. But before we look forward, let’s quickly look back.
Yesterday, in a kind of pretzel-logic, möbius strip-like turn of events, a paparazzi captured photos of beloved New Yorker, Yankees fan and celebrity vigilante Alec Baldwin pinning another paparazzi against the hood of a car. The native Long Islander is no stranger to run-ins with the parasitic photographers, and if he ever did run for Mayor, as long rumored despite no political experience or indication that he’s interested in the job, we can rest assured that he’d make cleaning the streets of NYC’s vile, insipid paparazzo his number one campaign promise, and he’d likely exterminate them with extreme prejudice. Which got us thinking, although Warner Bros. just cast Ben Affleck as Batman in the upcoming Man of Steel sequel, wouldn’t Baldwin be perfect as the new Caped Crusader? Early, pre-Affleck, casting buzz speculated that Zack Snyder was looking for someone “established and rugged.” Check and check for Baldwin. In addition, he’s got both the strong, square chin and the requisite raspy Dark Knight baritone. And, as his latest altercation with the paparazzi proves, he’s plenty experienced in disposing of Gotham’s miscreants, thugs and riffraff. Finally, and perhaps most importantly, the guy can fill out a tux like a true billionaire.
Here’s an artist’s rendering of what Batwin would look like:
Plus, The Shadow is one of the few masked crime-fighter movies that was more poorly received than Daredevil, so Baldwin no doubt has something to prove.
After the stunning, shocking, game-changing Tribal Council that saw Team Bro play three Immunities and send Former Federal Agent(?) Fillip packing on the previous Survivor: Caramoan, Eddie thought that before everyone started strategizing and scrambling he’d just deliver one of his classic zingers to lighten the mood.
That Eddie. 2 much. And 2 Legit 2 Quit.
But the good vibes don’t last too long. The next morning Brenda wakes up just super cranky. Somebody got up on the wrong side of the bed! Or maybe she saw something that freaked her out. Wonder what that could have been…
Well, this was a long time coming, but now that we’ve reached the all-important game-changing merge and oxygen-sucking loudmouths Shamar and Brandon are gone, it seems like a good time – perhaps the only time – to deliver our Survivor: Caramoan – Fans vs. Favorites 2 Legit 2 Quit celebrity look-alikes and player odds (for those Survivors still in the game). Let’s do this a little differently this time around and look at the Favorites then the Fans. We’d tell you to buckle up, but that seems really unnecessary considering you’re probably just sitting on a couch or at a desk or maybe on the subway, and even then it’s the movement of the train and not the content of this article that is most likely to create some turbulence.
Andrea: If we want to talk about people who really learned from Boston Rob (as opposed to Former Federal Agent(?) Fillip), then Andrea might be the one in that discussion. Her acuity for the game is what hurt her last time – and her infatuation with Matt – as Boston Rob respected her ability and intelligence but more importantly recognized her as a threat. There’s no one as cunning as Boston Rob on Caramoan, so Andrea has a shot to put it all together this time, especially now that she’s made the merge with the new powerhouse Goya tribe. However, there’s something in those smokey eyes that tells us that she’s going to play the game a little too hard and a little too paranoid, and that will be her downfall (much like Tara Reid experienced a similar fall. But that was due to the shots of Patrón and required several stitches). 11:1
More specifically, it’s Jim’s Dad from the first American Pie, the original Jim’s Dad, the real McCoy, the progenitor of all other Jim’s Dads, the Jim’s Dad who started it all.
But it wasn’t easy, no way. Jim’s Dad in American Pie faced a herculean task in taking on the newest Jim’s Dad of them all, Jim’s Dad in American Reunion. Jim’s Dad in American Pie age certainly showed his age, as Jim’s Dad in American Reunion was easily the quicker, more agile of the two Jim’s Dads. However, you don’t get to be the genuine Jim’s Dad from American Pie without learning a thing or two, and using his years of experience, his guile, and his intimate knowledge of Jim’s Dads culled from over a decade of being a Jim’s Dad, Jim’s Dad from American Pie was able to outlast and vanquish Jim’s Dad from American Reunion. Jim’s Dad from American Pie, we salute you as the Ultimate Eugene Levy as Jim’s Dad in American Pie.
Well, that’s the end of this tournament. We’ll see you again when, God-willing, the next film in the American Pie empire is released. Thanks to everyone who voted and, once again, congrats to Jim’s Dad in American Pie, and a big debt of gratitude to all the Jim’s Dads in the American Pie franchise who competed. You’re all the best Jim’s Dad in our book!
Last night Bob Costas caused quite a stir when he debuted a new pair of eyeglasses while anchoring NBC’s prime time coverage of the London Olympics. Whether he was trying to appeal to that all important Williamsburg demographic or wearing them to honor famed Liverpudlians or trying to impress the makeup girl or just plain didn’t bring enough Acuvues to last two weeks is up for debate. Either way, it was quite the statement.
However, Jumped the Snark has obtained an exclusive photo of Costas with the glasses he will wear during tonight’s telecast. Obviously he expects the Americans to clinch the medal count today, and it seems he’s all too happy to finally dispense with all this impartial journalist nonsense.
We recently received this email from Major League Baseball promoting a special performance by former American Idol finalist Adam Lambert at the MLB Fan Cave, the corner storefront in Greenwich Village where a bunch of super-fans hole up and watch every MLB game (kinda like The Real World, but instead of Puck picking his nose and putting his fingers in the peanut butter, there’s a dude who swears that Ryan Braun has an STD).
And this got us thinking: what percentage of Major League Baseball fans are also strident Adam Lambert loyalists? How many people are both excited about the MLB Fan Cave and Lambert’s #CaveConcert? So we did a little statistical analysis and graphed our results using a Venn diagram.