Tag Archives: Sandra Bullock

‘Survivor: Caramoan – Fans vs Favorites 2 Legit 2 Quit’ Finale – Apt Pupil

Survivor Caramoan Final 4When Survivor: Caramoan – Fans vs. Favorites 2 Legit 2 Quit began just three months ago we bemoaned the ubiquity of loud, boisterous, attention-grabbing personalities like Shamar, Brandon Hantz and Former Federal Agent(?) Fillip. It felt like a season plotted by casting – and by casting just a few controversial, polarizing figures, stunt casting essentially – than a season anchored by appealing, charismatic, engaging characters who we would want to root for, and a season that might rely on shock value and stock reality show antics than good stories, solid gameplay and jaw-dropping twists. Well, we are happy to say that we were wrong. While the pre-merge game was dominated by those big names and big bodies, and while some of our favorite players were eliminated earlier than we would have preferred, after the merge Survivor: Caramoan has delivered great Tribal Council after great Tribal Council, offering some landmark series moments. It was like viewing a Sandra Bullock film back to back to back. Blind Side after Blind Side after Blind Side. And it’s left us with five somewhat unlikely players, none of whom are physically dominant or socially controlling or remarkably devious. Just five players who’ve managed to get to the end, through considerable disadvantages and obstacles, each carving a somewhat different path. It wasn’t what we foresaw for Caramoan, but we’re not complaining.

Cochran, for sure, is the front-runner, having played a smart, strategic, clean game. But Dawn has been right there with Cochran, and she’s made stronger personal bonds, which could play in her favor. Don’t discount Sherri though, who took an entry-level position with Stealth ‘R’ Us when the fans’ alliance fell apart, came in everyday on time, punched her card, worked hard, and is one of the few employees still with the company. Then there’s Eddie, who’s been on the outs from day one, has been to nearly every Tribal Council and was always at risk of going home, and who has made no enemies. Finally, you have Erik, who’s ruffled very few feathers, managed to flip and flop without seeming untrustworthy, and has an excellent chance to sweep the remaining challenges. Really, out of these five, you could make a case that all of them can win the million and it’s going to be interesting…

Oh, wait, Erik’s down…

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‘Survivor: Caramoan’ – Brodeo Clowns

Survivor Caramoan Team BroOn Survivor, such as in life, if you don’t learn from the past then you’re doomed to repeat it. We see this time and time again, as if to illustrate to young, aspiring players what not to do, teaching us lessons while we watch from our couches. Don’t get involved romantically, don’t go home with an Idol in your pocket, don’t throw challenges. Watch, observe, absorb, and if something doesn’t work, don’t try it again. However, while the power of history is strong, it is no match for hubris; it cannot outlast, outwit, or outplay the person who believes that they can go right where others have gone wrong.

Last week on Survivor: Caramoan – Fans vs. Favorites 2 Legit 2 Quit, Corinne believed that she could turn the game on its head, upend her alliance and install herself as new Queen of the island. But, even with the numbers already in hand, she got too confident, too sure, and talked too much. She flew too close to the sun and not only were her wings burned, so was her blue bikini. She had the opportunity to make a gigantic move, but overreached, talked to Dawn, and became the author of her own demise. Hopefully, one would think, that the other players would take notice and not commit the same mistakes. However, this is Survivor. History repeats itself. But, thankfully, in oh so different and mind-blowing ways.

Continue: Bro down or bro, down?

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‘Survivor Caramoan – Fans vs. Favorites 2 Legit 2 Quit’ – Celebrity Doppelgängers and (Remaining) Player-by-Player Odds

Well, this was a long time coming, but now that we’ve reached the all-important game-changing merge and oxygen-sucking loudmouths Shamar and Brandon are gone, it seems like a good time – perhaps the only time – to deliver our Survivor: Caramoan – Fans vs. Favorites 2 Legit 2 Quit celebrity look-alikes and player odds (for those Survivors still in the game). Let’s do this a little differently this time around and look at the Favorites then the Fans. We’d tell you to buckle up, but that seems really unnecessary considering you’re probably just sitting on a couch or at a desk or maybe on the subway, and even then it’s the movement of the train and not the content of this article that is most likely to create some turbulence.

FAVORITES

Andrea-Tara Reid

Andrea: If we want to talk about people who really learned from Boston Rob (as opposed to Former Federal Agent(?) Fillip), then Andrea might be the one in that discussion. Her acuity for the game is what hurt her last time – and her infatuation with Matt – as Boston Rob respected her ability and intelligence but more importantly recognized her as a threat. There’s no one as cunning as Boston Rob on Caramoan, so Andrea has a shot to put it all together this time, especially now that she’s made the merge with the new powerhouse Goya tribe. However, there’s something in those smokey eyes that tells us that she’s going to play the game a little too hard and a little too paranoid, and that will be her downfall (much like Tara Reid experienced a similar fall. But that was due to the shots of Patrón and required several stitches). 11:1

The rest!

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‘Survivor: Caramoan – Fans vs. Favorites’ – The Lion and the Mouse

First, does anyone know if caffeine pills are considered Performance Enhancing Drugs under Survivor rules and regulations? Even if they’re technically legal, one has to wonder how Sherri got a hold of them, because she has a Jessie Spano-level freakout upon returning to Goya camp after the tribe voted out Hope on the latest Survivor: Caramoan – Fans vs. Favorites 2 Legit 2 Quit. This might be an argument for random drug testing on Caramoan.

Perhaps Sherri needs to watch some more of 28 Days and less of The Blind Side.

While the Fans continue to be in disarray, cracks are starting to show over on the Favorites side, with Andrea becoming increasingly frustrated with Former Federal Agent Fillip’s looseness with handing out Stealth R Us agent names. FFAF, you must give out names with extreme discretion, you can’t hand them out like flyers advertising your new Verizon phones, or else they lose all meaning; you can’t just give them up for free like some two-bit strumpet to the first guy she meets who still has all his teeth. But when Brandon receives his own epithet (“the Conqueror,” although “the Lunatic” might be more apt) Andrea wonders bitterly “Where will it end? With Brenda?!? For the love of God, please no! Is there no decency left on this planet?”

Brenda, of course, is immediately given a name.

Read on: It all comes crashing down for the Fans…

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A Jumped the Snark “Shorty” – Predicting the 2014 Oscars

We’re unveiling a new feature on this blog today: Jumped the Snark Shorties, very brief thoughts and commentary on various topics and issues. Could be a follow-up to a previous post, an ad-hoc op-ed, or a random non-sequtiur. Opinions that are too short and partially formed to necessitate a full-length analysis, but too long for a tweet. Today we revisit our post from last week, our response to response to the Oscars and the outrage fired towards Seth MacFarlane. 

With all the bitter criticism and outcry following Seth MacFarlane’s Academy Awards hosting turn, it’s only natural to wonder who will take the stage next year. Likewise, it’s safe to assume that the Producers will be walking on glass with their next selection, aiming to pull in a host that can pull in the laughs (and ratings) while omitting the more the more offensive elements, effectively compensating for this year’s (alleged) disaster.

Our prediction: Sandra Bullock & Melissa McCarthy

Why? Coming off the upcoming The Heat these will be two very bankable, very likable, very current commodities. And, unlike Tina Fey and Amy Poehler, these are movie stars, and, perhaps more importantly, actresses more than comedians. Their comedic reputation and integrity won’t be at risk; they’ll be more likely to be tame, to be good soldiers, and more amenable to it than the former SNL standouts,  neither of whom, it should be noted, have yet to truly break out on the big screen.

But Jumped the Snark, won’t the “Body Cops” be all over that with Melissa McCarthy’s size? 

No, the Body Cops themselves are handcuffed after this year’s show, nobody would dare say anything remotely misogynistic or negative towards women; it would instead be a celebration of the fairer sex, in all their shapes and forms. And, privately, the producers would feel comfortable tapping an overweight woman because they paired her with a thin, classic beauty, and they’ll pat themselves on the back for being so progressive.

Follow-up question: Is it a requirement that a human hosts the Oscars? I feel like everyone would approve of Kermit the Frog. 

While we would, of course, love a Muppet up there on that stage, but our understand is that non-humans can present, but not host. It’s like how non-native citizens can be Governor, but not President. And now that we say that we do like the sound of “Governor Kermit.” We’ve certainly done worse.

 

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Filed under Muppets, Saturday Night Live, Shorties, The Big Screen

‘Survivor: Caramoan’ – Hope Floats (But Heavy Wooden Chests Don’t)

Survivor Challenge Wooden ChestLast week’s episode of Survivor: Caramoan – Fans vs. Favorites 2 Legit 2 Quit began with another temper tantrum from Brandon upon returning from Tribal Council. This week, not to be outdone, Brandon’s counterpart on the Fans side, Shamar, sounded off loudly after the vote. We talked in our last post about our uneasiness concerning these two bellicose, volatile players, that their unhinged – and often selfish – behavior would unfairly take center stage, and this happened once again in the latest episode, right off the bat. Here’s how it sounded at Goata camp.

Keep Reading: Here comes the Blind Side…

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‘Survivor: Caramoan’ – Battle of the Bulge

Reynold Survivor Immunity IdolLast week we talked about our disappointment in the casting of Survivor: Caramoan – Fans vs. Favorites 2 Legit to Quit, as the producers seemed to have emphasized loud, dramatic, troublemakers over solid, interesting, sane players. We drew attention back to Survivor: Palau, which featured none of those emotionally unstable, wildcard types and, yet, proved to be perhaps the show’s finest season. Why? Because this show is so good, because it puts ordinary people in such incredible, extraordinary situations, that you don’t need to manufacture drama. If you just let the game play out, let the interpersonal dynamics take over, then you have magical theater. The kind that we actually do get at the end of last episode of Caramoan. However, while the denouement was a pleasant surprise, what the episode mostly did was grant attention to the two most volatile personalities out there, Brandon and Shamar, validating their petulant and borderline-psychotic behavior.

Russell Hantz, for the record, was a fascinating, nuanced character (at least at first). Brandon Hantz, on the other hand, is all the worst parts of his uncle, all id, no strategy. He may have his uncle’s blood, but that doesn’t mean he got his gift for the game, or even his flair for havoc.

Actually , Brandon that’s literally how genetics works. DNA is passed down through generations. Although, what you might be feeling is those leeches sucking out your blood. You should probably get a medic to look at you.

More: A pocketful of Shamar, a pocketful of Kryptonite…

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