We promise that we’ll watch Breaking Bad one day. We PROMISE (we already watched the first three episodes when they originally aired – and we liked them! – so we’re basically half way there). But it’s okay, because we’ve already seen Bryan Cranston – today’s popular search term – push drugs. The guy boasts a long history of drug use and/or dissemination, well before he shaved his head to become Walter White. Like when he knocked out Jerry Seinfeld with nitrous oxide (and took a hit himself). We all remember that, right? And just a year later, there he was, trying to turn the impressionable young American public onto Excedrin. Really, it’s just a short trip from Aspirin to Meth.
And before we can get to Breaking Bad we need to finish The Wire. But we won’t be surprised if we find Cranston working one of the corners there.
So before Tony Danza was selling himself to Michael Cera and Martin Starr, he was selling out in commercials for third tier diet colas. And not only that, but he had absolutely no reservations about stepping up to the plate and teeing off of a thirteen year-old girl. Tony, we understand that you want to help the team, but that’s straight up cheating. At least put a wig on, Ladybugs style (actually, that would have been a good Danza movie). But, don’t worry, Tony gets what’s coming to him for trying to bend the rules.
That’s right, a PULLED MUSCLE. Serves him right. Plus a ZING from ‘lil blondie. What goes around comes around, Tony. Next time try playing with people your own size. And your own gender.
Oh, wait, you did. And you got nailed at home then, too.
And that, Tony, is why you should never slide headfirst into home plate.
[Also, we need to acknowledge what a weird drink Diet Rite is. “No salt.” Okay. Was that a big concern? We don’t remember that. Our greater worry is that they’ve replaced sugar (or high-fructose corn syrup) with the chemical-enriched NutraSweet, last seen in our mom’s CareFree gum circa 1991. Fun fact: Diet Rite still exists! Now with Splenda! (until they replace that, too)]