For years now Regis Philbin has been on a path of destruction, an unstoppable wave of violence that not only has counted many victims, but has also been self-directed, from box-cutter wounds to hip replacement. And today on Today, sitting in for Hoda, Regis admitted that he finally finished the job, doing what God himself couldn’t do.
But, then, if Regis off’d himself how could he be co-hosting the 4th hour, perfunctorily sipping what looked to be a gin-based drink? Well, there’s only one answer: he’s a zombie. Why else would he so readily believe in vampires?
Notice the look of shock and horror on Kathie Lee’s face, truly, genuinely unsure if Reege is kidding or officially senile. We’d be tempted to give KLG points here, if she didn’t conclude that of the two guests it’s Benjamin Walker who plays the title role in Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter based on the length of his legs, and not because between him and Anthony Mackie he’s the only white one.
One thing is for sure, Reege has officially crossed the line from lovable old curmudgeon to Clint Eastwood in Gran Torino. For the full final hour of Today, it just seemed like Regis was really pissed that all these strangers were on his lawn.
Wednesday Winesday, y’all!
Jumped The Snark 