Category Archives: Today in Today

Today in ‘Today’: Reege is a Zombie

For years now Regis Philbin has been on a path of destruction, an unstoppable wave of violence that not only has counted many victims, but has also been self-directed, from box-cutter wounds to hip replacement.  And today on Today, sitting in for Hoda, Regis admitted that he finally finished the job, doing what God himself couldn’t do.

But, then, if Regis off’d himself how could he be co-hosting the 4th hour, perfunctorily sipping what looked to be a gin-based drink?  Well, there’s only one answer: he’s a zombie.  Why else would he so readily believe in vampires?

Notice the look of shock and horror on Kathie Lee’s face, truly, genuinely unsure if Reege is kidding or officially senile.  We’d be tempted to give KLG points here, if she didn’t conclude that of the two guests it’s Benjamin Walker who plays the title role in Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter based on the length of his legs, and not because between him and Anthony Mackie he’s the only white one.

One thing is for sure, Reege has officially crossed the line from lovable old curmudgeon to Clint Eastwood in Gran Torino.  For the full final hour of Today, it just seemed like Regis was really pissed that all these strangers were on his lawn.

Wednesday Winesday, y’all!

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Filed under God Laughs, Huh?, Reeeeeege, Today in Today

Today in ‘Today’: Just Drinking Straight Up Gasoline Now

There’s never a day of Today that goes by without something interesting (or absurd) happening, and not a day goes by without a drink or two.  Apparently, they’ve now exhausted more palatable Tuesday Boozeday options and have turned to petroleum.  And it quickly goes to Hoda’s head, as she has a real hard time paying attention to Kathie Lee’s riveting childhood tale.

Ladies, you should know by now that the quickest way to get on The Soup is to ask not to be on The Soup.  

Also, seems like Hoda’s been taking her cues from Survivor: One World’s Kat:

 

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Filed under Today in Today, Tribal Council

This Week in ‘Today’: The Grammy’s Strike Back

Well, if you can believe it, it’s now been a year since Arcade Firegate, when Kathie Lee and Hoda stoked the fire of YouTube haters, feeding their insatiable hunger for spewing forth bile and hate.  And this year it seemed like a repeat a was inevitable, given the Best New Artist win for (not new artist) Bon Iver.  We’re not even sure how to pronounce their name, so it was a forgone conclusion that KLG and the Kotb would stumble over themselves, coming up with at least three or four bastardizations of Justin Vernon’s nom de flume.  BUT, as she has all week, Whitney Houston’s passing overshadowed the proceedings, obscuring any confusion the hosts of the 4th hour may have over a band we must assume they think is a weird French singer.   Instead, Kathie Lee raises the important questions and makes the significant points, while Hoda simply states the obvious.

We wonder if by “the Bahamas” Hoda meant this.

 

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Filed under Good with Coffee, Makes You Think, Today in Today, Tyranasaurus Sex

Last Night in ‘Late Night’: There’s a Reason We Have a Category Titled “It’s Gross”

For things exactly like this:

Jimmy Fallon & Kathie Lee Gifford

That’s gross.

And Jimmy started off the episode so strong, borrowing “The Word” from Stephen Colbert’s playbook (their rivalry/friendship, btw, has to be one of the best ongoing storylines on all of television right now.  Including Dexter (which, we admit, we’ve never seen)).  Kiss your mother (or wife) with that mouth?

Alternate joke: if Jimmy wasn’t drunk after playing white wine pong, he most certainly was after that.  A quick peck from Kathie Lee alone is enough to exceed most breathalyzer tests.  A prolonged smooch like that, Jimmy must have been well beyond the legal limit.

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Filed under It's gross., Rip-off, Talkies, Today in Today

Speaking of Boobs: More Words We Never Wanted to Hear From Kathie Lee

And we thought this was creepy.

Well, with our 2nd breast-themed item of the night, we’re one step away from becoming full-fledged flesh peddlers.  Watch your back, all of the Internet’s soft-core porn websites!

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Filed under Good with Coffee, It's gross., Today in Today

Today in ‘Today’: Heyyyy

GUYS!  We need to let Kathie Lee and Hoda know if we like their new sign-on!

Frankly, we’re for it!

What do you two think?

Ouch.  Although, we would prefer it if KLG & Hoda-woman got on the same page before air.  C’mon, gals.  It’s 10am.  Do you know where your lines are?

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Yesterday in ‘Today’: KLG & Hoda Weigh-In on the Grammys

Well, it seems that Kathie Lee and Hoda had the same reaction to the Grammy awards as every ignorant, idiotic Facebook and Twitter user out there:

You know that Arcade Fire have been on SNL twice and thus have been in your building probably a half-dozen times, right?  Oh, no, obviously not.  C’mon, guys.  Look around you!

But great zing, KLG!  Vaudeville is calling!

Although, we don’t hear you questioning the safety of The Rolling Stones.  That could be just as, if not more, dangerous than an arcade fire.

 

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Filed under Interweb, Saturday Night Live, The Worst, Today in Today, Tyranasaurus Sex, Weigh-in