For years now Regis Philbin has been on a path of destruction, an unstoppable wave of violence that not only has counted many victims, but has also been self-directed, from box-cutter wounds to hip replacement. And today on Today, sitting in for Hoda, Regis admitted that he finally finished the job, doing what God himself couldn’t do.
But, then, if Regis off’d himself how could he be co-hosting the 4th hour, perfunctorily sipping what looked to be a gin-based drink? Well, there’s only one answer: he’s a zombie. Why else would he so readily believe in vampires?
Notice the look of shock and horror on Kathie Lee’s face, truly, genuinely unsure if Reege is kidding or officially senile. We’d be tempted to give KLG points here, if she didn’t conclude that of the two guests it’s Benjamin Walker who plays the title role in Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter based on the length of his legs, and not because between him and Anthony Mackie he’s the only white one.
One thing is for sure, Reege has officially crossed the line from lovable old curmudgeon to Clint Eastwood in Gran Torino. For the full final hour of Today, it just seemed like Regis was really pissed that all these strangers were on his lawn.
Wednesday Winesday, y’all!
There’s never a day of Today that goes by without something interesting (or absurd) happening, and not a day goes by without a drink or two. Apparently, they’ve now exhausted more palatable Tuesday Boozeday options and have turned to petroleum. And it quickly goes to Hoda’s head, as she has a real hard time paying attention to Kathie Lee’s riveting childhood tale.
Ladies, you should know by now that the quickest way to get on The Soup is to ask not to be on The Soup.
Also, seems like Hoda’s been taking her cues from Survivor: One World’s Kat:
For the last week we’ve been taking a look at NBC’s Thursday night comedies, but with Kristen Wiig’s sendoff on ‘SNL’ this past weekend we decided to add her departure to the conversation.
It’s not worth going into detail about how the season finale of SNL – and the season as a whole – was middling. The Mick Jagger-hosted episode was a hit-or-miss mixed bag which typifies nearly every episode and every season. As we’ve learned from several seasons of recaps and now over a decade-and-a-half of religious viewing, that’s the show. It will never be too far up or too far down, so just try to enjoy it. What is worth discussing, as all of the internet has been doing for the past two days, is the exit of Kristen Wiig after seven stellar seasons, leaving behind a body of work that positions her as arguably the strongest female cast member of all-time.
More: Kristen’s gone and we feel fine…
Well, if you can believe it, it’s now been a year since Arcade Firegate, when Kathie Lee and Hoda stoked the fire of YouTube haters, feeding their insatiable hunger for spewing forth bile and hate. And this year it seemed like a repeat a was inevitable, given the Best New Artist win for (not new artist) Bon Iver. We’re not even sure how to pronounce their name, so it was a forgone conclusion that KLG and the Kotb would stumble over themselves, coming up with at least three or four bastardizations of Justin Vernon’s nom de flume. BUT, as she has all week, Whitney Houston’s passing overshadowed the proceedings, obscuring any confusion the hosts of the 4th hour may have over a band we must assume they think is a weird French singer. Instead, Kathie Lee raises the important questions and makes the significant points, while Hoda simply states the obvious.
We wonder if by “the Bahamas” Hoda meant this.
For things exactly like this:
And Jimmy started off the episode so strong, borrowing “The Word” from Stephen Colbert’s playbook (their rivalry/friendship, btw, has to be one of the best ongoing storylines on all of television right now. Including Dexter (which, we admit, we’ve never seen)). Kiss your mother (or wife) with that mouth?
Alternate joke: if Jimmy wasn’t drunk after playing white wine pong, he most certainly was after that. A quick peck from Kathie Lee alone is enough to exceed most breathalyzer tests. A prolonged smooch like that, Jimmy must have been well beyond the legal limit.
GUYS! We need to let Kathie Lee and Hoda know if we like their new sign-on!
Frankly, we’re for it!
What do you two think?
Ouch. Although, we would prefer it if KLG & Hoda-woman got on the same page before air. C’mon, gals. It’s 10am. Do you know where your lines are?
Well, it seems that Kathie Lee and Hoda had the same reaction to the Grammy awards as every ignorant, idiotic Facebook and Twitter user out there:
You know that Arcade Fire have been on SNL twice and thus have been in your building probably a half-dozen times, right? Oh, no, obviously not. C’mon, guys. Look around you!
But great zing, KLG! Vaudeville is calling!
Although, we don’t hear you questioning the safety of The Rolling Stones. That could be just as, if not more, dangerous than an arcade fire.
Well, the good news is that clips from the 4th hour of Today are becoming a daily tradition. The bad news is that today they offered us a special episode, “Kathie Lee and Hoda’s Beach Party,” an ill-conceived attempt to warm us up in the midst of this deep, ceaseless freeze. Something we never ever wanted to hear? Hoda demanding that Kathie Lee “Get it off.”
Also, it’s one thing to have a drink or two during the show, but we think it’s totally unprofessional be wasted by 10am, before your show even starts.
(of course, those rules don’t apply to Sue, because a) her show does not tape before noon, and b) she can handle her liquor (usually).)
Kinda stretching the definition of “news,” aren’t you, ladies?
Yesterday Joel McHale visited Live! with Regis and Kelly (who themselves are visiting Las Vegas this week), pitting McHale against the source of much of the material shown on The Soup (or, as Regis calls it, simply Soup). But, much like his recent appearance on Today‘s interminable fourth hour, McHale demonstrated that he has no reservations about biting the hand that feeds him, as he deftly inserted a Regis-is-as-old-as-the-Wright-Brothers crack within the first minute, and continued to harass the irascible Philbin for the entirety of the segment.
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This is something we’ve come to adore about McHale (add it to the list), that he doesn’t make nice with objects of his scorn when he appears on their shows. Instead, he continues to call them out for their incompetence or insidipity, but still being careful to show appreciation for their existence, as they are the reason he’s able to feed his children (at least until Community came along). And despite his snark, we can tell that McHale does respect Regis and many of the people he mocks, and I think they in turn admire him for being genuine, sarcastic yet gracious (although, with Regis, it’s hard to tell if he even realizes he’s being derided. Or that he’s on TV. ZING!). So cheers to McHale for being an inveterate smug prick, whether in the comfy confines of The Soup studio or behind enemy lines.
Oh, and Regis revealed his true form.
That explains a lot.
Video courtesy of Gawker.TV.