Reege No Longer Just a Danger to Himself, Nearly Gives Meryl Streep Heart Attack

Yesterday I turned the TV tuner to Live! with Regis and Kelly specifically to see if Regis would say something ridiculous within one minute.  Well, he didn’t disappoint.

A few weeks back Regis gave us a very detailed account of his painful battle with kidney stones many years ago, a fight that he thankfully won just before surgery.  On Monday’s show Regis and Kelly welcomed Meryl Streep to the stools and this time Regis decided to stop inflicting pain on himself and turn the cross-hairs on his guest instead.  In a smooth segue, Regis informs Streep that her daughter has broken her leg, nearly giving the Oscar Queen a heart attack as this was news to her.  In fact, it was news to everyone because ol’ Reege just completely butchered the cue card, which actually said that Streep’s daughter “just got her big break.” Just broke her leg, just got her big break, whatever, same thing.

(forward to 2:15 to see the incident)

You really can tell that Kelly is embarrassed, and these days she has to be feeling more like a handler than a co-host.  Let’s face it, the guy ‘s a loose cannon, and he’s going to do some real damage one day.

What makes this extra amazing is that apparently this whole time Regis has been so clueless about names and facts and words and he’s actually been reading cue cards.  Who knows what kind of bad news he would have delivered to Streep if he was left completely to his own devices.  Swine Flu?  SARS?    Black Lung?  Imbalance of bodily humors?

While seeking out the Streep interview I also stumbled upon the “Host Chat” from last Thursday in which Regis and Kelly manage to effortlessly transition from Kelly’s breasts to the woman who was mauled by a chimpanzee and subsequently exploited by Oprah to Lou Dobbs to Costco to Derek Jeter.  Unifying theme: Regis is basically uniformed about all of these (save for Kelly’s breasts, or lack thereof, which are a popular and creepy topic of discussion).

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Regis claims that he likes to frequent Costco.  But anyone who’s ever been there knows there’s no such thing at Costco as “a little toothpaste.”  Fraud.