Before we start this Survivor: Redemption Island recap CBS would like us to visit www.cbs.com/jeffprobst. Normally we’d demur that kind of blatant and heavy-handed promotion, but we love Probst too much to complain in this particular instance. So go, now, and then come right back here.
Back? Okay, good! You got back just in time to listen to Stephanie list every food item ever, which, as any survival expert will tell you, is the best way to stave off the hunger of being by yourself in a sweaty jungle for two weeks. Right, Matt? Isn’t she helping? Isn’t Stephanie detailing every flavor of Pop Tart just melting your hunger away? But Matt totally wins us over by quoting The Sandlot, telling Stephanie “You’re killing me, Smalls.” GREAT REFERENCE. You know what, Matt, you’re okay by us. Just don’t start talking about how God is on your side again and how your faith will help you succeed in this reality TV competition. Oh, no, there you go. Nevermind. That didn’t last long.
More! Sarita steps up, David deliberates and Phillip doesn’t get his fill…
A new season. A new hope. Ya gotta believe.
Boy, are we glad we bailed out the auto industry. So they could spend money on helicopters, Greek gods, aliens and ancient civilizations. All in one commercial!
Also, what? That’s not cool, right?
Also, why does Coca-Cola even bother coming up with ideas to fill 30 seconds. Their worldwide brand awareness is 110%. Just have a single title card that says “Why waste any more money on this commercial? You know who we are and nothing we do here will make you more likely to drink Coke. So for the next 25 seconds here are some puppies.’ Now that’s a commercial!
We did really like this one:
But this was our favorite:
*Min order: 50 pieces. It’s a trap! Unlike Stephen Colbert and Rolling Stone magazine, here at Jumped the Snark we’ll admit it when we borrow from others, which is why we’re obligated to point out that background image used in our current website header is not our own, but courtesy of fellow Williamsburg resident Henry Hargreaves. During the Blizzmageddon Hargreaves had the genius vision of Brooklyn as Hoth, photoshopping Empire Strikes Back characters and vehicles onto the snow-white Williamsburg canvas, including Luke and Han gathering their bearings in front of the Hess station on Metropolitan Ave. In fact, it was the composite of the AT-AT used in our header that informed us that we should probably wait another day or two before returning to Brooklyn after the storm, as in the distance we spotted a White Castle, and knew that the ice planet Hoth in these photos was just mere blocks from our own apartment. So, Mr. Hargreaves, we owe you a debt of gratitude for not just creating these brilliant images (which we’ve gladly appropriated), but also for tipping us off to the horrible post-blizzard conditions in the neighborhood. May the Force be with you.
Alright, Luke, time to take down that AT-AT. Let’s not deprive local residents of their Crave Cases any longer.
Jumped The Snark 