Tag Archives: Former Federal Agent Phillip

‘Survivor: Redemption Island’ Finale: Pawn Stars

Our Redemption Island journey came to an end Sunday night, and while the home stretch of the season had been rather uneventful and predictable, if economical, we still had the chance for fireworks in the last two hours.  Would Rob complete what was unquestionably one of – if not the – definitive Survivor performances, winning it all in his fourth attempt?  Or, perhaps, would Matt fulfill his destiny and return from Redemption Island to become the Sole Survivor (if that was God’s will)?  Or would Mike, the lone remaining member of Zapatera, the double threat of soldier and Jesus lover,  reenter the game and lockup votes from his former teammates?  Or would Grant, the remarkable physical specimen, go undefeated down the stretch, the jury rewarding  his unparalleled athletic prowess with a million dollars.  Or, finally, would Andrea prove victorious in the final Redemption Island duel and surprise us all by going all the way to the end?  Well, there’s no way that could happen, right?

Wrong! But could anyone possibly stand in the way of Boston Rob???

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Filed under Analysis, Be careful what you wish for, Century 21 Reality, God Laughs, LOST, Masochism, Tribal Council, You Decide

‘Survivor: Redemption Island:’ Gods and Mobsters/We’re Going to Need a Bigger Redemption Island

Survivor Redemption IslandWe sincerely apologize for the absence of Redemption Island recaps the last month; Gawker.TV ceased publishing weekly recaps and our day job has been monopolizing our time.  But, with the finale airing tonight night, we felt it was our responsibility (and our pleasure) to give some thoughts on what’s transpired since our last recap and what is still to come.

Before we delve into the eliminations, duels, blindsides and bonehead moves of the past month, it’s come to our attention that we’ve been going easy on Matt and his love of Jesus.  So, to right that wrong, we’re going to go ahead and dedicate the first part this post to Matt and his savior.

“Are you there, God?  It’s me, Matt.  Why have you abandoned me?”

“Because, Matt, I don’t care about reality television.  I’m the almighty creator, and I have infinitely more important things to do than interfere with or preordain some reality show competition.  And if I were to get involved with any of these shows, it wouldn’t be Survivor, hands down it’d be Top Chef, because a) I fancy myself as a bit of a foodie and b) have you seen the rack on Padma?  One of my finest creations.”

“Oh, so that one set of footprints.  That wasn’t you carrying me on your back?”

“Nope, no way.   All you, buddy.”

“Shit.”

Read on: Some more Matt bashing, why Boston Rob does and doesn’t deserve to win, and our FINAL prediction…

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Filed under Analysis, Be careful what you wish for, Century 21 Reality, It's gross., Tribal Council

‘Survivor: Redemption Island’: S’more Crispy Rice Treats (Director’s Cut)

Phillip Survivor Redemption IslandBefore we start this Survivor: Redemption Island recap CBS would like us to visit www.cbs.com/jeffprobst.  Normally we’d demur that kind of blatant and heavy-handed promotion, but we love Probst too much to complain in this particular instance.  So go, now, and then come right back here.

Back?  Okay, good!  You got back just in time to listen to Stephanie list every food item ever, which, as any survival expert will tell you, is the best way to stave off the hunger of being by yourself in a sweaty jungle for two weeks.  Right, Matt?  Isn’t she helping?  Isn’t Stephanie detailing every flavor of Pop Tart just melting your hunger away?  But Matt totally wins us over by quoting The Sandlot, telling Stephanie “You’re killing me, Smalls.”  GREAT REFERENCE.  You know what, Matt, you’re okay by us.  Just don’t start talking about how God is on your side again and how your faith will help you succeed in this reality TV competition.  Oh, no, there you go.  Nevermind.  That didn’t last long.

More! Sarita steps up, David deliberates and Phillip doesn’t get his fill…

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Filed under Century 21 Reality, George Lucas Doesn't Need More Money, Tribal Council

‘Survivor: Redemption Island’: The Sweet Taste of Crabs (Director’s Cut)

So this week we entered the post-Russell Hantz era.  And for those of you who complained that Russell was a sneaky, nefarious player who only made it to the finals because he had no chance to win, and that his dominance was a product of editing, and that he was a bore and boorish, well, do you miss him now?  Because, say what you want about the guy, there’s no denying that he made things interesting.  Which is perhaps something you can’t say about last night’s Survivor

Keep reading: Phillips say the darndest things. Plus: Tetris! Rubix Cubes! A giant maze!

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Filed under Century 21 Reality, Growing Pains, It's gross., Tribal Council

‘Survivor: Redemption Island’ : The Dominoes Fall (Director’s Cut)

Imagine waking up in a beautiful seaside location, the crashing waves slowly lulling you out of your slumber, the faraway echoes of exotic birds gently coaxing you out of dreamland, a warm, refreshing breeze serving as nature’s alarm clock.  And then imagine waking up after nine hungry days in a hot, humid, bug-infested jungle and the first thing you see is Phillip’s nasty, tattered, ill-fitting, sun-faded red underwear.  Because that’s exactly the waking nightmare for the members of the Ometepe tribe as we begin this week’s Survivor: Redemption Island.  Any momentum they had after defeating Zapatera last week is immediately erased by the actual sight of Phillip’s junk escaping from his delicates, forcing the Survivor editing team to employ their best blurring skills.  But, to Phillip’s credit, he seems entirely comfortable just flapping in the wind.  And completely oblivious.  But since we’re watching this from the safety of our couch (and, thankfully, with the strategically placed blurs intact) we’re not complaining, because, besides Russell, Phillip is the most entertaining player on the show.

Simply put, it’s put up or shut up time for Russell.

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Filed under Be careful what you wish for, Century 21 Reality, It's gross., Tribal Council

‘Survivor: Redemption Island’: I’m Good Enough, I’m Smart Enough, and Doggone It, People Like Me (Director’s Cut)

We started this week’s episode of Survivor: Redemption Island with our first glimpse of, well, Redemption Island.  After being voted at the first Tribal Council, Francesca arrived at her new home and quickly found a signpost describing life on the island, “Welcome to Redemption Island: No Smoking, No Yelling, No Swearing; Daily Menu: Breakfast – Rice; Lunch – Rice, Dinner – Rice.”  Francesca can’t find a flint, so she’s worried about freezing during night, but really she’s just happy to be away from Former Federal Agent (?) Phillip.

Read on: Phillip remains an emotional, delusion wreck, but we get a glimpse of his primal side. Plus: Ralph defines dumb luck, carnival games return, and Boston Rob contemplates the chess board. Also, crabs!

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Filed under Analysis, Century 21 Reality, Good Humor, The Worst, Tribal Council