Imagine waking up in a beautiful seaside location, the crashing waves slowly lulling you out of your slumber, the faraway echoes of exotic birds gently coaxing you out of dreamland, a warm, refreshing breeze serving as nature’s alarm clock. And then imagine waking up after nine hungry days in a hot, humid, bug-infested jungle and the first thing you see is Phillip’s nasty, tattered, ill-fitting, sun-faded red underwear. Because that’s exactly the waking nightmare for the members of the Ometepe tribe as we begin this week’s Survivor: Redemption Island. Any momentum they had after defeating Zapatera last week is immediately erased by the actual sight of Phillip’s junk escaping from his delicates, forcing the Survivor editing team to employ their best blurring skills. But, to Phillip’s credit, he seems entirely comfortable just flapping in the wind. And completely oblivious. But since we’re watching this from the safety of our couch (and, thankfully, with the strategically placed blurs intact) we’re not complaining, because, besides Russell, Phillip is the most entertaining player on the show.
Tag Archives: Fabio
Quickly, before new one, last time on Top Chef: All-Stars:
– Paula Deen stops by for the Quickfire to annoy the hell out of us! And, of course, to tell everyone to FRY their foods. Oil, butter, DEATH.
Continuing our tradition of quickly recapping the last Top Chef just before the new episode airs, here are a few quick thoughts on last week’s Italian-themed entry:
– Angelo has a crush on guest judge Issac Mizrahi and literally says “Two of my most passionate things are definitely food, first and foremost, and then fashion.”
– Everyone definitely thinks Angelo is a joke (including Issac Mizrahi)
– Carla finally gets to mention how she used to be a model and got to go to France. Good for you, Carla!
– We get it, Dale. You have a girlfriend.
– Professor Ricky Blaise wins the quick fire! For making black ice cream! Looks good enough to eat!
– The elimination challenge is to cook one of the three main courses at the legendary NYC Italian restaurant Rao’s.
– Mike Isabella, who’s an Italian from New Jersey is like, “I got this.”
– Antonia, who’s an Italian from Los Angeles is like, “No, I got this.”
– Fabio, who’s an Italian from Italy is like, “Um, guys, I’m from Italy. Is this even fair? It is? Really? Okay, well I’ll just make this chicken dish that’s my grandmother’s recipe and is on the menu on my restaurant and I probably make it a dozen times a night.”
– Lorraine Bracco is a guest judge, because of course she is.
– Then the food is served. The antipasti is loved by all. But the pasta course is a disaster:
Bravo viciously slipped in a repeat of Top Chef last week, perhaps taking a snow day, but it returns tonight (we assume). With the new episode just hours away, let’s take a quick look back at what happened last time:
– They went to Eric Ripert’s Le Bernardin and watched this dude Justo butcher a bunch of fish like CRAZY:
What a treat tonight! Someone out there searched for “benry and fabio,” which means what you were really looking for was this:
But perhaps we were mistaken. Perhaps what you were looking for was a shot of that famous scene from Lost when Benjamin Linus, aka Benry, and his fellow other Fabio turn the donkey wheel and are magically transported to Tunisia. Well, don’t worry, because if that’s the case we got you covered too.
Jumped the Snark, your one stop shop for all things Benrys and Fabios.
Well, he’s not too pretty to get arrested at least, as Survivor winner Judson “Fabio” Birza was booked in Santa Monica yesterday for riding his skateboard in the street. C’mon, pigs! Let the dude have a little fun! Oh, and he was apparently super high. No surprise there. Here’s Fabio looking distraught after the arrest:
Actually, he seemed totally cool with it.
Also, we regret already using the headline “For Whom the Bong Tolls” for our Survivor: Nicaragua finale post. We should have known this day would come and have saved it as such. Oh well. Fabio has plenty of bail money left so we better start working on more drug-reference puns!
Oh, no, not really. More of the same blasé, dead inside, zombie-like enthusiasm. Although, to be fair, it was the most energy she’s shown in some time, actually presenting a dish two weeks in a row!
But first, Marcel drops some knowledge on Dale:
Before we talk out last night’s Top Chef: All-Stars, we need to talk about our feelings regarding Chinatown.
Chinatown is our least favorite part of Manhattan. That is, of course, if you even choose to consider the neighborhood part of Manhattan, which we have trouble doing. We recently had the misfortune of reporting to an office in the heart of Chinatown everyday, and it was a miserable experience (going to Chinatown, not the job). The Grand St. B-D station is our least favorite stop along the New York City subway’s 656 miles of track.1 We’ve long detested the experience of exiting that station, being hit with the foul stench of imported fish, most pungent in the mornings when the seafood is “fresh.” The neighborhood is a visual and olfactory nightmare of rotting fish, fruit with horns, garbage and garbage juice.
We did it guys! We made it to the end of another season of Survivor. And we’ll tell you what, despite what the general consensus seems to be, we found this to be a thoroughly entertaining season. Filled with a disconcerting number of weak, unlikable players, yes. Lacking a truly great storyline, showdown or blindside, perhaps. Nearly ruined with the loss of Jimmy Johnson, you bet. A total failure in attempting to change the game with the Medallion of Power, for sure. An all-time great Sole Survivor, not likely. But coming on the heels of All-Stars, we feared the worst. And, thanks in part to one of the more gratifying wins in recent memory (it certainly helps make up for giving the million to Sandra), Survivor: Nicaragua restored our faith in the franchise, proving it could still entertain and astonish, even without Russell Hantz, Tom Westman, or water-based challenges.
But before we get to the finale, we need to first revisit the trend that has dominated the most recent episodes.