Everyone is reporting on this, so we will too, even though getting emotionally invested in Steven Tyler leaving American Idol to focus on Aerosmith and
kicking ass making no sense is just as silly as getting emotionally invested in Steven Tyler leaving Aerosmith to focus on American Idol and kicking ass making no sense. But Tyler leaves a big, scarf shaped hole to fill, and it will be hard for Idol to find a replacement who looks so much like our mom and dresses so much like our grandma.
But, more importantly, it leaves Randy, once again, without one of his dawgs. He had so much admiration for Steven too.
At this point Fox should just combine Idol with Kids Say the Darndest Things and call it a day.
How about this? We’ll give you $50 and Taboo vanishes forever? $30 and will.i.am only appears on one episode of the next American Idol? Okay, $25 and ap.le.de.ap disappears for a good six months. Final offer.
While there are indisputably some tremendous voices left on American Idol we were thoroughly bored by this week’s Top 24 performances. Personally, we found both the male and female showcases underwhelming, totally uninspired. Nothing new, interesting or fun about them. Pretty much, wake me up when Steven Tyler says something ridiculous.
So we thought we’d offer up a little panacea, and provide an example to the remaining 13 contestants of how it should be done.
Listen to Haley, guys. Turn that beat around.
Nope. Not by a long shot.
But where have you gone, funky Chris Medina?
Remember guy, what happens in Vegas is broadcast to 20 million Americans:
Next time (because you’re probably already divorced by now), here’s how you do a Vegas wedding right.
Also, for some reason we could really go for a Coke right now. For like three weeks we were craving Vitamin Water, but all the sudden we really want some Classic Coca-Cola and have no idea why.
So before Tony Danza was selling himself to Michael Cera and Martin Starr, he was selling out in commercials for third tier diet colas. And not only that, but he had absolutely no reservations about stepping up to the plate and teeing off of a thirteen year-old girl. Tony, we understand that you want to help the team, but that’s straight up cheating. At least put a wig on, Ladybugs style (actually, that would have been a good Danza movie). But, don’t worry, Tony gets what’s coming to him for trying to bend the rules.
That’s right, a PULLED MUSCLE. Serves him right. Plus a ZING from ‘lil blondie. What goes around comes around, Tony. Next time try playing with people your own size. And your own gender.
Oh, wait, you did. And you got nailed at home then, too.
And that, Tony, is why you should never slide headfirst into home plate.
[Also, we need to acknowledge what a weird drink Diet Rite is. “No salt.” Okay. Was that a big concern? We don’t remember that. Our greater worry is that they’ve replaced sugar (or high-fructose corn syrup) with the chemical-enriched NutraSweet, last seen in our mom’s CareFree gum circa 1991. Fun fact: Diet Rite still exists! Now with Splenda! (until they replace that, too)]
Is Adam Lambert the brunette version of fantasy post-Zack Attack Zack Morris?
Also, Tim Urban, you’re totally stealing Chris Lowell’s act.
Veronica can’t be happy about Tim Urban ripping off Piz. If there’s one person you don’t want to piss off it’s Veronica Mars.
Randy Jackson and I had a similar reaction to this week’s episode of LOST:
Last night on American Idol Crystal Bowersox wowed us yet again by taking on Gladys Knight & the Pips’ “Midnight Train to Georgia,” stepping out from behind the acoustic guitar to behind a piano and then stepping out from behind said piano. Despite what Simon said, it was lovely to see another side of her, because no matter the instrument or the shoes or the hair it was still quintessential Bowersox.
But, as my sister remind me, many of us (or just my sister and I) best know this classic tune as performed by Kirk Cameron and Tracey Gold on Growing Pains. Could it be that Bowersox grew up addicted to the show just like us? Will she put her own spin on “Show Me That Smile” during “Classic TV Themes Week? One can only hope and pray (although it seems that Chris Daughtry has beat her to it).
The Seaver version (starts about 30 seconds in):
If there was any justice in this (reality TV) world, last night’s American Idol would have been a double (and perhaps even triple) elimination, with at least Tim Urban joining Paige Miles on the way out the door, and with neither securing a spot on the Idol Summer tour. But at least with Tim on the tour the producers won’t have to worry about a shortage of crying, screeching 13-year old girls.
But since the only surprise last night was not who went home but who didn’t, we thought we’d take a look back at a true Idol elimination shocker, one of our favorite pieces of video in the history of video.
Love how Seacrest just slides it in there, like Hanks at the Oscars. It really seems like it takes a few seconds for everyone to realize what had happened, or perhaps they expected this to be one of Seacrest’s customary teases; “Chris, you are going home tonight…to get ready next week’s top 3 show!” But no, the journey was over, just like that.
And that, friends, is how you do an Idol elimination.