So before Tony Danza was selling himself to Michael Cera and Martin Starr, he was selling out in commercials for third tier diet colas. And not only that, but he had absolutely no reservations about stepping up to the plate and teeing off of a thirteen year-old girl. Tony, we understand that you want to help the team, but that’s straight up cheating. At least put a wig on, Ladybugs style (actually, that would have been a good Danza movie). But, don’t worry, Tony gets what’s coming to him for trying to bend the rules.
That’s right, a PULLED MUSCLE. Serves him right. Plus a ZING from ‘lil blondie. What goes around comes around, Tony. Next time try playing with people your own size. And your own gender.
Oh, wait, you did. And you got nailed at home then, too.
And that, Tony, is why you should never slide headfirst into home plate.
[Also, we need to acknowledge what a weird drink Diet Rite is. “No salt.” Okay. Was that a big concern? We don’t remember that. Our greater worry is that they’ve replaced sugar (or high-fructose corn syrup) with the chemical-enriched NutraSweet, last seen in our mom’s CareFree gum circa 1991. Fun fact: Diet Rite still exists! Now with Splenda! (until they replace that, too)]