Category Archives: Jump Streets Ahead

U2 Jump Street: Before “Friends”

Penhall & HansonWith 22 Jump Street opening last weekend I thought it would only be appropriate to open up the digital archives and take a look at the source text, the original TV series, the pre-meta, pre-spoof, sincere-to-a-fault 21 Jump Street. And when thinking about what to write about I was surprised to learn that I never spoke about one of the most vivid memories of 21 Jump Street from my childhood, something that has stuck with me for decades, even if I wasn’t sure it was real until I just confirmed it. Something that, as a consequence, always bothered me about Friends. And that is the use of U2’s “With or Without You.”

It was easy to think that I had made it up. My memory said that the series on the fledgling Fox network once featured an episode in which Officer Doug Penhall (the incomparable Peter DeLuise) travels to El Salvador to locate his missing wife (in my recollections, however, it was not El Salvador – I’m pretty sure I didn’t even know that El Salvador existed at the time – I just had a vision of Penhall going to some Spanish-speaking place, or, perhaps, due to the outbreak of the first Gulf War during that time, the Middle East somewhere). And I recalled that the emotional climax was set to “Without or Without You,” a song that I hadn’t put in context yet, by a band I wouldn’t really be aware of until they had a pretty popular video from the Batman Forever soundtrack. But that couldn’t have actually happened right? This the show in which Johnny Depp goes undercover as a high school student to break up an amateur weed-dealing ring, in which Peter DeLuise was still somehow eligible for the varsity football team, in which Holly Robinson-Peete cornered the market on denim. So there couldn’t have been an episode in which Penhall and Hanson get embroiled in a Latin American revolution, right? With machine guns and rebel armies and jungles and explosions? Nah. In which Penhall grieves over his dead wife at her makeshift grave? No. No way. Now an episode in which Hanson is afraid to share chocolate milk with an HIV-positive student? Sure. Richard Greico’s Booker getting super high and then absolutely dominating on the schoolyard basketball court? I’ll buy that. But not an epic, emotional, tragic trek through a Latin American nation in turmoil set against the most moving and gut-wrenching song from the Irish Beatles (before the pomposity and pretentiousness of later fare like “Beautiful Day”). We think not.

But it was real! Sure, if you look up that episode now – “La Bizca” (translation: “the cross-eyed”) – and watch on Hulu, or view it on your complete series DVDs (which I know you have), the song has been replaced with some generic stock music. To be fair, it’s amazing that they were able to use it for the original broadcast in the first place, so it would be greedy to expect to fire up your Amazon Prime and still hear the strains of The Edge’s guitar. But, thanks to some intrepid, heroic YouTube users, the original version exists (taken from what we think was a German broadcast, naturally), and it can be seen in its original glory, the way that Bono never intended because he probably didn’t know that 21 Jump Street was a thing.

And when we say “its original glory” we also mean before “With or Without You” was usurped and recontextualized by Friends when Ross and Rachel couldn’t agree on the terms of a “break.” Years after “La Bizca” we remember watching Rachel stare out her fake window in her fake NYC apartment as fake snow fell down and we were immediately bothered by this song being appropriated as the soundtrack to their not-really-star-crossed romance. These two selfish, self-obsessed, entitled yuppies let a little fight and a copy shop girl get between them, and they have the audacity to proclaim this as their theme song, the anthem to their dysfunctional, overwrought, will-they-or-won’t-they romance? That, we recall then and recall now, was very upsetting. The emotional depths of “With or Without You” should be reserved for a Doug Penhall traveling halfway across the world only to learn that his wife has perished in the midst of a brutal civil war, not for a fashion buyer and a whiny guy with a monkey who break up after every petty squabble. It’s an insult to “With or Without You,” and its an insult to the late Marta Penhall. Would you use Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah” to accompany Phoebe giving birth to her brother’s triplets? No, you wouldn’t. And this was arguably worse.

And when we say “its original glory” we also mean the manner in which “With or Without You” was used in the television series versus how it might be used in the movies; which is to say without any trace of irony, but instead just dripping with earnestness. The polar opposite of 21 Jump Street the movie (and its sequel), 21 Jump Street the show was hyper self-serious. Sure, you don’t have a series with Peter DeLuise at the forefront and not have your fair share of yuks, but the show did not allow for any degree of winking or self-parody, any even vague allusion to its absurdity. Racism in high schools and a Vietnamese extortion ring and a clown kidnapping his grandson and revolutions in El Salvador, this was never played for laughs, but for very special episodes at best, didactic social commentary at worst. But good or bad, the original 21 Jump Street was committed to the integrity of these stories, and that probably goes a long way towards explaining why Johnny Depp was so eager to flee the Jump Street chapel. It wasn’t the best show – not by a long shot – and it didn’t always do a great job of tackling the big issues – again, not by a long shot – but you can’t say they didn’t aim high. And if their aim wasn’t true – and it usually wasn’t – their intentions were.

Much like, you might argue, a little rock band out of Dublin.

 

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Filed under Count Bleh, Jump Streets Ahead, Must See TV, Nostalgia Corner, The Big Screen, Tyranasaurus Sex

Jimmy Fallon Has No Mercy

Jimmy Fallon and Late Night were already on a roll last week, thanks in large part to New York Mets ace/budding fashionista Matt Harvey and ripped RIPD star Ryan Reynolds, but they saved the best for last, and in doing so perhaps experienced their finest hour yet. In a flight of fancy that could only have been ripped directly from the pages of our diary, Fallon did the impossible , reuniting the legendary [and fictional] rock band Jesse & the Rippers, fronted by heartthrob and dedicated uncle, Jesse Cochran Katsopolis. They said it couldn’t be done, mostly because the band never actually existed, but Late Night has demonstrated time and time again that they have no interest in getting bogged down with details and logic and whether or not something is quote-unquote real. That’s for Leno to do.

And in proving once again that there’s an undeniable and insatiable appetite for everything we love and hold dear and want to keep only for ourselves 90s nostalgia, the performance, a blistering mega-mix of their greatest hits, was an instant sensation, showing once and for all that Jesse & his Rippers were indeed ahead of their time and only through the benefit of reflection and the passing of decades has their genius been truly appreciated. Would we want to see J & the R mount full-scale reunion with a never-ending world tour and a hit new record? Of course. But if Jesse never dons his leather vest again or lifts his guitar strap over his shoulder or raises a fine-toothed comb to feather his hairt, we’ll forever have “Forever.”

And not only did they did pull off a miracle with this one TGIF night only performance, they topped it off with Mrs. Jesse & the Rippers herself, Becky Donaldson. Talk about get out of my dreams and into my car!

And bonus points for reviving the ghost of 21 Jump Street‘s Captain Jenkno to play guitar (or is that Boober Fraggle?).

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Filed under Brilliance, Freak Out Control, Jump Streets Ahead, Muppet Mondays, Muppets, Nostalgia Corner, Talkies, TGIF, Wake Up, SF!

The (mc)A(voy)-Team

We’re doing a bit of a Stephen J. Cannell tribute with this week’s A Newsroom A Day. We like to think he would be proud.

If Will McAvoy is Hannibal Smith, then does that make Charlie Skinner B.A. Baracus?

 

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Filed under A Newsroom A Day, Jump Streets Ahead

And the Gold Medal for Most Awkward Pound Explosion Goes to….

Kristine Lilly and Kate Markgraf from the United States!

Do you see how you just embarrassed Liam McHugh?  On national TV!

Ladies, just not the right time for this.  In fact, there’s never a right time for a televised pound explosion.  It only looks cool when our three your old niece does it (and sometimes when we do it.  Sometimes).  The worst part is that you clearly discussed it beforehand.  The only thing worse than a spontaneous televised pound explosion?  A rehearsed pound explosion.

Note: This is the only acceptable handshake suitable for broadcast:

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Filed under Huh?, Jump Streets Ahead

America’s Fastest Growing Quiz Senstation: Depp or Stewart?

Kristen Stewart has long been famous for acting with her hair (both on-screen and just when visiting Regis).  Johnny Depp has also been no slouch when it comes to fondling his follicles, especially during his formative years on 21 Jump Street when the serious story lines and/or laughable dialogue elicited some legitimate hair wringing.  With the recent news that Stewart is the highest paid actress in Hollywood and the equally recent news that Depp has split with his long-time girlfriend (and mother of his children) Vanessa Paradis, it seemed fitting to pair these two mane attractions together in a new quiz game.

And now, we  proudly present, the very first Depp or Stewart?: 

Find out the answer after the jump!

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Filed under Depp or Stewart?, Jump Streets Ahead, Yasmine Bleeth

21 Jump Streets Ahead: Officer Hanson Doesn’t Like Chocolate Milk

Last week dear Jumped the Snark friend Eliot Glazer co-hosted a night of trivia in Brooklyn themed around the two great female-ensemble sitcoms of the late 80s/early 90s – Golden Girls and Designing Women.  In between rounds Glazer and co-host H. Alan Scott played clips from each series, highlighting not just how smart, funny and fresh the shows still are, but also how they weren’t afraid to confront taboo issues of the time, including AIDS and homosexuality.  These serious, socially conscious moments reminded us of another show from that era that wasn’t afraid to push the envelope.  In fact, this show seemed to make taking on controversial issues its main agenda.  And that show was 21 Jump Street.  Yes, it’s wildly different from those double X chromosome comedies above, and does not hold up a fraction as well (we now wonder if it even held up in its time), but, looking back, 21 Jump Street was often going out there on a limb on the nascent Fox Network, bringing uncomfortable, sensitive but relevant issues to the forefront.  We’re going to make an attempt to semi-regularly feature some of these moments, starting right now.

It’s really hard to believe that we were watching this show at six-years-old, first because it’s often slow, melodramatic and pedantic (as was the style of the time), and doesn’t star any cartoon ducks, and shouldn’t hold a six-year-old’s attention,  and secondly because it frequently contains a great deal of mature content, an amped up after-school special on five-hour delay (but compared to Silk Stalkings, which we began watching regularly a couple of years later, this was Green Acres.  Also, good parenting, Mom).  Even if an episode didn’t tackle a controversial issue of the time, it probably involved some kind of drugs and/or violence, or why else would Johnny Depp and Peter DeLuise go undercover as the McQuaid Brothers?  But the show frequently went beyond fake IDs and selling “dope” in the locker room, covering such topics at bigotry, racism, bullying, child abuse, class warfare and, in one single episode, HIV-AIDS and suicide.

In that episode, “A Big Disease with a Little Name,” Officer Hanson (pre-Jack Sparrow Johnny Depp and our first man-crush) is tasked with protecting Harley, a teenager with AIDS who continues to attend his high school despite protests from local parents and the hostile atmosphere fostered by his fellow students (also, unsurprisingly, Harley has an affinity for motorcycles).  Hanson isn’t afraid to sit at the same table as the kid, unlike much of the student body, but he’s not exempt from the same kind of prejudice, fear and ignorance, as we see when he declines Harley’s offer of chocolate milk.

But, as was often the case, 21 Jump Street functioned as an educational tool, teaching us there are three ways to contract HIV, and chocolate milk is not one of them.  And, as also was often the case, by the end of the forty-four minutes Hanson not only learned the lesson but took it to heart.

We don’t actually remember this episode from our childhood – perhaps it didn’t get much syndication play – but we do know we weren’t afraid of a little chocolate milk.  Maybe we have 21 Jump Street to thank for that.*

*Probably not.  

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Filed under Golden Girls, Jump Streets Ahead, Makes You Think, Mancrush

We’re Not Too Old to Laugh at the Word “Chub”

We caught this clip from The Talk while waiting on line at the bank last week.  Sometimes the good stuff just finds you (around the 30-second mark): 

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Also, BIG TIP: buying pretzels in bulk is cheaper.  Mind.  Blown.

You know what would be terrible?  Being the kids in America’s Cheapest Family.  Misery.

Sidenote: do you think that 20 years ago it was Holly Robinson Peete and Leah Remini‘s goal to one day co-host a mid-morning all-female talk show?

Johnny Depp:  I want to be the biggest movie star in the world one day, while keeping my integrity intact and cultivating my own personal style.  What about you, Holls?

Holly Robinson Peete: I’d like to ask someone the best way to buy bananas.

OR:

Mario Lopez:  Someday I’m going to be one of the hardest working men in Hollywood, hosting a dance show on MTV, a syndicated celebrity news magazine, as well as the occasional beauty pageant.  After I star in a Greg Louganis biopic, of course.  How about your Mark?

Mark-Paul Gosselaar:  Oh, well, I’ll take a brief respite after this, then work on a string of shows with acclaimed TV vets Stephen Bocco and David Milch, grow my hair long again, cut it, and then do a sex scene with Mary-Louise Parker.  Pretty standard stuff.  What about you, Leah?  When this whole Malibu Sands storyline wraps up, what do you want to do?

Leah Remini:  It’d be great to do a show where I’m married to a fat guy.  I think the hot wife-overweight slob husband dynamic is totally unexplored territory.  Then, after that, something about perfume.

Dreams do come true.

 

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Filed under Good with Coffee, Jump Streets Ahead, Makes You Think, Saved by the Bell

In Memoriam: Stephen J. Cannell

Fuck. That’s about all we can say about this one.

Back in the late 80s, pre-Simpsons, there were exactly two shows on FoxMarried with Children and 21 Jump Street.  The latter was brought to us by the legendary Stephen J. Cannell.  We were too young at the time to fully appreciate his already cemented TV legacy – creator of The Rockford Files, The A-Team, Greatest American Hero, Baretta, among others – but we knew that we loved his undercover cop drama, and we also grew to recognize the Stephen J. Cannell Productions logo at the end  of his shows as a symbol of quality programming.  In the 80s it ran neck-a-neck with “Sit, Ubu, sit,” for foremost production company tag, but we always found Cannell’s footnote to be the gold standard, a warm, fuzzy blanket, a comforting old friend.  And when we heard that crescendo and saw the typewriter paper flying at the conclusion of later favorites like The Commish and Silk Stalkings, we knew we were in the capable hands of one of the all-time masters, a TV titan.

We’ll leave the in-depth retrospectives and the analysis of his influence on current television to the real critics, those who have a better appreciation for the breadth of his career.  So we’ll just say thanks for the great stories and compelling characters, and we’ll always yearn to see you at your typewriter, finishing a script with a flourish.

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Filed under In Memoriam, Jump Streets Ahead, Nostalgia Corner

Amazon, You Sorta Know Me So Well

Definitely yes, no, no, maybe.  2ish out of 4 ain’t bad.

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Filed under Count Bleh, Jump Streets Ahead

In Memorium Nostalgia Corner: Andrew Koenig

Foreward: Jumped The Snark updates have been few and far between for the last few weeks (in fact, they’ve been non-existent), because I have been in the process of moving out of LA, driving cross-country, and settling in back in NY.  I’d been hoping to get back to the blog sooner than this, and certainly on a much lighter note.  But while I’ve still just made a dent in my  to do list (chief among them: get a job, so let me know if you hear of anything), it feels important that I note this tragedy, even if it’s not the way I wanted to return to the blogosphere.

This is not an obituary.  This is not a eulogy.  This is not a tribute.  This is just some words and thoughts and memories.

I can still vividly recall one night twenty-one years ago when I planted myself in my parents bed to watch ABC’s Saturday night comedy line-up, anchored by heartthrob Kirk Cameron and Growing Pains.  Unfortunately, to my great surprise/disappointment, when the show started  I learned that Richard “Boner” Stabone decided to leave his comfy Long Island confines for the Marines, choosing his future before it chose him, and officially growing up beyond his rather unfortunate moniker (one that somehow got by the censors all those years).  As a child Growing Pains was my favorite show; I would constantly watch it in reruns, instead of playing “house” my friend and I would play “Growing Pains,” and even a secondary character like Boner felt like family to me.  And the idea that Boner was leaving, possibly forever, deeply troubled me.  In fact, I started bawling uncontrollably, consoled only by my sister’s suggestion that perhaps he would resurface in a spin-off, The Boner Show (and, at the time, the idea of a program being called The Boner Show, didn’t seem particularly bawdy or unlikely to me, and if Coach Lubbock got a spin-off, why not Boner?).  But, as you know, that never happened, and Boner never came back to Growing Pains (which is really unfair, as even Julie McCulloch‘s character was granted a degree of closure), and I’ve spent the subsequent years wondering what happened to Private Richard Stabone.  Did he find what he was looking for in the Marines?  Did he flame out and return to the suburbs?  Did he complete his service, move to Seattle and start selling stereos again?  Two Growing Pains reunion movies came and went and didn’t shed any light on his whereabouts.  Like Keyser Soze, he was  gone.  A childhood friend never to be seen again (although, one would assume that Mike and Boner have reconnected over Facebook).

So what does that have to do Andrew Koenig, the actor who played Boner, who took his own life a few days ago?  Nothing, really.  I don’t know Koenig, and I don’t know if Koenig was anything like his character.  He seemed well liked by the acting community, judging by the way that many actors and comedians tweeted their concern, their requests for help, and when his body was found, their sadness.  Maybe Koenig embodied the best parts of Richard Stabone,  the carefree attitude, the innocence, the sweet dorkiness, even the endearing naiveté.  But, hopefully, in his real life, unlike Boner, Koenig was taken seriously and appreciated.

Unfortunately, the truth of the matter is that he was always known as Boner, and he always will be.  Perhaps it was an ill-advised, myopic, nickname, one that had no choice but to stick permanently.  Would he have been better off with less of a double entendre for an epithet?  Does Mark Price, Family Ties‘ “Skippy,” go through his life unable to escape his character and his character’s name?  I don’t know.  This is just hypothesizing.  But, either way, it’s always a shame that it takes a tragedy for us to start talking about someone whom we had long forgotten.

I recently began re-watching 21 Jump Street (which is a blog post, and hopefully an ongoing series, for another day) and came upon a season 2 episode entitled “Champagne High.”  I was first struck by the presence of a young Peter Berg as a high school jock-bully.  But I was soon even more surprised/intrigued by the subject of his bullying, a likewise young Andrew Koenig.  I don’t think I had seen Koenig in anything other than Growing Pains, and it was interesting to see him get a chance to play a more serious role (and, on 21 Jump Street, there’s no shortage of meaty, if cripplingly melodramatic, parts).  Like Boner, his character, Wally, was a pipsqueak.  But Booner’s space case doofusness was replaced by resentment towards Berg and frustration over his constant abuse.  In fact, Wally hires Johnny Depp and Peter DeLuise, undercover as the rough and tumble McQuaid Brothers, as his personal bodyguards.  And the Jump Street officers then turn around and use Wally’s connections to set-up a sting operation, taking advantage of his father’s business as well as his vulnerability.  It’s not fair to assert that this is what it was like for Koenig in real life – that he was bullied, used, mocked –  but in light of his death, and the apparent circumstances that led to it, I don’t think it’s entirely unfair to wonder.

A little over a year ago a friend gave me what at the time was a wonderful, exceptionally thoughtful gift, a framed 8×10 screenshot of Boner with a faux-dedication and signature.   I proudly displayed the photo on my Ikea bookshelf, and upon moving to LA I put it right back up, providing a measure of comfort.   Now, of course, I feel bad that we might have had a good laugh at his expense, and I’m not sure what the etiquette is on displaying forged-autographed headshots of recently deceased semi-celebrities.  When I get settled I’ll probably put it back up.  But not so much as a joke anymore, but as a tribute.  And to remember that while Andrew Koenig might not be with us anymore, there’s still hope that Richard Stabone is living a rich and rewarding life, the life that they both deserved.

Thanks for the memories, Bone.

(and, yes, just teared up watching this)

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Filed under Count Bleh, Growing Pains, Jump Streets Ahead, Nostalgia Corner