Category Archives: Yankee Swap

Gratuitious Search Bait of the Day: Merry Christmas, Leo

Well, this one has been giving us fits for the last few days.  We utilized the full extent of our internet scouring capabilities (and, not to sound conceited, we’re pretty great at finding random stuff on the internet) and came up empty.  But, for some reason, people keep searching for “leonardo dicaprio christmas.”  Unable to track down a Growing Pains Christmas episode featuring Leo’s Luke Brower, we decided to go ahead and create our own Leonardo DiCaprio Christmas moment.  Keeping within the confines of Growing Pains, of course.

So, now, all of you who were looking for a Leonardo DiCaprio Christmas photo, you’ve found it.

MERRY CHRISTMAS, LEO!  STAY IN SCHOOL!

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Filed under Gratuitous Search Term Bait, Growing Pains, We'll Get It In Post, Yankee Swap

Stranded: Day 2

We were stuck out on (in?) Long Island for another day, bring Jumped the Snark operations nearly to a halt.  We hope to be back up and running tomorrow, but it could have been worse.  Could have been Christmas.  Could have been snowed in at the airport.  Could have been trapped with Uncle Joey.

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HAVE MERCY!

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Filed under Count Bleh, Wake Up, SF!, Yankee Swap

Christams Clipdown: Day of Reckoning!

Merry Happy, Everyone!  The clock struck midnight and we’ve arrived at C-Day.  Let’s finish off Christmas 2010 with a bang.

First, let’s get the festivities going with a little Full House holiday party.   Steve has gone off to Junior College in Florida and DJ is super bummed; meanwhile Danny is carrying on a long-distance relationship with Vicky, Becky misses the snow and no one seems to find it creepy that unmarried, unrelated “Uncle” Joey lives in the house with three young girls.  It’s a very Tanner Christmas and DJ is on the rebound.   WHAT WILL HAPPEN?

Yayyyy! (Part 1 here)

And it wouldn’t be a Jumped the Snark Christmas without a contribution from Jim Henson.  We already covered the basic Muppet Christmas staples, so for Christmas Day we’re going outside the John Denver classics and proudly gift to you the 1986 TV special, Toy Story before there was a Toy Story, The Christmas Toy:

If you’re not watching Community, you’re stupid.  If you haven’t seen their Christmas special, you’re silly.  If you’ve seen it and weren’t moved to tears, well, then you’re completely dead inside, and we both pity and despise you.  But if you’re in one of the first two camps (or just want to relive its greatness), please enjoy “Abed’s Uncontrollable Christmas,” just the latest example of how Community has been the most inventive, most ambitious, smartest, warmest and just flat-out best show on television this year.

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That’s it for us this Christmas (we think)!  Hope you got that Magic Bullet you wanted!

(and remember to recycle your wrapping paper.  Or reuse!)

XXX

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Filed under Good Humor, Lady Holiday, Muppets, Wake Up, SF!, Yankee Swap

Christmas Clipdown: For the Kids

Twenty years later, Home Alone is quickly becoming one of our all-time favorite  movies.  What’s interesting is that now we enjoy the middle section just as much (if  not more) than the third act battle between Kevin and the Wet Bandits (the defense of the McCallister house was infinitely more appealing to a 7-year-old).   These days we’re more interested in how Kevin confronts life in the absence of his family, under the assumption that he must now fend for himself.  Once buzz of  jumping on the bed and the eating bowl after bowl of ice cream and going through Buzz’s stuff wears off, Kevin realizes he needs to be the man of the house.   Never has a kid grown up quicker.  Like this scene when he pays for groceries with a coupon no less! (fun fact: we’ve always kind of had a crush on the check out girl.  Just liked her skeptical yet caring tone.  So, Tracy J. Conor, when you no doubt read this, know that your work has not gone unnoticed).

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But our least favorite part of the film is that Kevin doesn’t have a chance to find out if those microwave dinners are any good.  As you all remember, he prepares the mac and cheese, but before he can sample the “nutritious meal” the clock strikes eight and he quickly runs off to get ready for the impending attack.  That always bothered us.  Take a fucking bite, dude!  Would it slow you down that much?  Would the timing of Angels With Filthy Souls have been thrown off entirely?  Would one little taste have doomed the blow torch booby trap?  C’mon man, just shovel in one forkful.  Just one!  You need your energy.

Also, maybe Kevin would wave to Old Man Marley if he didn’t look like a deranged psychopath.  Maybe lose the beard and the coat.

But outside of those two minor objections, just a heck of a film.

And have yourself a Merry Little Christmas!

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Filed under Brilliance, The Big Screen, Yankee Swap, Yasmine Bleeth

Christmas Clipdown: Freak Out Control

A new classic:

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May you all get the calculator you want this Christmas!!!

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Filed under Freak Out Control, Saturday Night Live, Yankee Swap

Danza Moment of the Week: Christmas in Connecticut; Plus, Self-Promotion!

What happens when Angela decides to spend Christmas with that dick Geoffrey?  To what lengths will Angela go to find Tony’s baseball card?  What gift will Tony get for Angela that shows once and for all how much better he his than that dick Geoffrey?  Find out!

Continue (I know you will) with Parts II and III of “The Christmas Card.”

Isn’t it weird that the big joke with Mona is that she’s a huge slut?  Sorta like Blanche Devereaux, but with even less subtlety.  Kind creepy now (and even creepier as a 7-year-old).

In other (big!) Danza news, the folks over at Gawker.TV were kind enough to let us explore our fascination with Teach: Tony Danza in greater detail.  We ask the question: Whatever Happened to Teach: Tony Danza? Check it out!

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Filed under Count Bleh, Golden Girls, Nostalgia Corner, Who's the Boss?, Yankee Swap

Christmas Clipdown: Seaver Style

We went with this clip last year, but, you know what, it’s the season of giving and you deserve this gift again.

So, we proudly present, the moving conclusion to the Growing Pains Season 2 Christmas episode “The Kid“:

Lesson learned: don’t judge a runaway by his or his cover!!!

Merry Christmas, upper-middle class Long Island suburb where the Seavers live!

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Filed under Growing Pains, Lady Holiday, Yankee Swap