We intended to make this breathtaking photo last week’s Parting Shot, but, as we often do, we totally forgot. So, instead, let’s kick off this week with a bang, an Opening Shot.
Obviously, this beautiful, heartwarming Tanner family portrait graciously Tweeted by Andrea Barber (née Kimmy Gibbler) raises two important questions: 1) Who are the old dudes, and 2) where are the Olsen Twins? We assume that the elderly gentlemen are Thomas Miller and Robert Boyett, the namesakes of Miller-Boyett Productions and the foremen of the late 80s-early 90s TGIF hit (and miss) factory. As for Mary-Kate and Ashley, we imagine they either got tangled up in a tandem wool poncho or were still waiting for their venti lattes from Starbucks, not realizing that the two cups languishing on the counter for several hours labeled Murray and Ashlie were indeed theirs. Certainly, their absence is not the result of spite or bitterness, because who would willingly miss an opportunity to hear Bob Saget deliver the Aristocrats in person?
Also missing from the family reunion are Blake and Dylan Tuomy-Whilhoit, who played little Nicky and Alex Katsopolis respectively. While no one has seen or heard from them since 1995, we have a theory that Blake and Dylan are, in fact, Tia and Tamara Mowry. Implausible, yes, but impossible? When it comes to TGIF, nothing is impossible.
Merry Happy, Everyone! The clock struck midnight and we’ve arrived at C-Day. Let’s finish off Christmas 2010 with a bang.
First, let’s get the festivities going with a little Full House holiday party. Steve has gone off to Junior College in Florida and DJ is super bummed; meanwhile Danny is carrying on a long-distance relationship with Vicky, Becky misses the snow and no one seems to find it creepy that unmarried, unrelated “Uncle” Joey lives in the house with three young girls. It’s a very Tanner Christmas and DJ is on the rebound. WHAT WILL HAPPEN?
Yayyyy! (Part 1 here)
And it wouldn’t be a Jumped the Snark Christmas without a contribution from Jim Henson. We already covered the basic Muppet Christmas staples, so for Christmas Day we’re going outside the John Denver classics and proudly gift to you the 1986 TV special, Toy Story before there was a Toy Story, The Christmas Toy:
If you’re not watching Community, you’re stupid. If you haven’t seen their Christmas special, you’re silly. If you’ve seen it and weren’t moved to tears, well, then you’re completely dead inside, and we both pity and despise you. But if you’re in one of the first two camps (or just want to relive its greatness), please enjoy “Abed’s Uncontrollable Christmas,” just the latest example of how Community has been the most inventive, most ambitious, smartest, warmest and just flat-out best show on television this year.
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That’s it for us this Christmas (we think)! Hope you got that Magic Bullet you wanted!
(and remember to recycle your wrapping paper. Or reuse!)