Last Week on ‘Top Chef’: The Boorgerman

If you thought we couldn’t keep up our habit of recapping Top Chef just before the new episode premieres, then you were wrong.  DEAD WRONG.  So here we go! (note: our DVR ran out of space when recording this episode so we cannot provide our usual primary source materials.  Sorry!)

  • For the Quickfire challenge they made fondue!  Just like a party my parents might have!  But Carla was struggling and lamented the fact that there was never any time.
  • Time to sample the dishes!  Padma seemed to particularly enjoy Tiffany’s entry.

  • Dale was kind of a dick, and Blaise was pissed because he knows he’s the best (he is).
  • Then they went to the Late Night with Jimmy Fallon studio and shot a commercial for T-Mobile
Vodpod videos no longer available.
  • For the elimination challenge, Jimmy Fallon’s birthday lunch, Antonia drew beef tongue and she was all “beef tongue?  I don’t know what to do with beef tongue!”  Hello, Antonia?  Ever heard of lengua?  Maybe it’s time Antonia visited the wonderful El Farolito Taqueria in San Francisco’s historic Mission District.
  • Evidently, it’s impossible for Italians to pronounce the word “burger.”  No idea why.  They’re too good for burgers, we guess.
  • Carla snagged chicken pot pie and was PSYCHED:
  • Then the cheftestants went home and cooked a relaxing meal totally of their choosing:
  • The elimination challenge started and Blaise explained to everyone how to use the pressure cooker.  BLAISE, wise up!  You’re the only cheftestant on any cooking competition show ever who actually knows how to successfully use the pressure cooker.  That’s like holding six aces up your sleeves and two Immunity Idols in your sock.  You’re not here to teach people how to use the pressure cooker, you’re here to be Top Chef.
  • And while we’re criticizing Professor Ricky Blaise: C’mon, man, you could have done better with that ramen.  You basically served Jimmy Fallon Momofuku ramen, and you know that guy is all over the East Village so he’s definitely had that before.  Jimmy said it best: where was the laser light show?  More like Blasé ramen.

Momofuku Ramen

Blaise Ramen

  • Carla was all “ahhhhh, there’s no time, there’s no time, am I going to finish in time???” and it was really annoying.
  • We could literally watch Jimmy Fallon, Steve Higgins and A.D. Miles for hours.  Seriously, where’s the raw footage from this challenge?  Just put that on Bravo for six hours one afternon instead of Million Dollar Listing. Guaranteed to garner higher ratings.  Can those guys invite us to lunch next time?  We don’t even need to eat.  We’re just happy to sit and listen and laugh.  We’re even open to having a dish placed in front of us and then Higgins can eat the food off our plate with his novelty extend-o fork.  Are we getting the point across?  Those dudes are awesome and we want in.  If those three go public we’re getting in on the ground floor.  That’s a stock we want in our portfolio.  BUY!  Get it, yet?  We’re think Jimmy Fallon, Steve Higgins and A.D. Miles are really funny and charming and sweet.  We don’t know how else to say it.  GOOD DUDES.
  • Dale cooks what looks to be an awesome Philly cheesesteak, but neglects to account for the salt on the pretzel roll so everyone takes one bite and is like “WHOA!  SALTY!’  But we stand by Dale’s dish, because one time last summer we likewise went to Whole Foods and bought a pretzel bun and made a fucking delicious hamburger (Fabio, take notes):

  • That same night our friend Eliot brought a cake in the shape of a burger that was also fucking delicious (take note, Fabio):

  • And then Carla won for her chicken pot pie and was once again really fucking annoying.
  • But Blaise totally gets it.  He knows it’s not about winning trips to Europe.  It’s about being the last man standing.  It’s about being Top Chef.  Because being Top Chef can buy you many trips to Europe.
  • And [SPOILER ALERT] Fabio failed to take note and couldn’t properly pronounce “burger” so he gets sent packing, a decision that proved exceedingly difficult for Jimmy Fallon, because Jimmy’s a really good dude and is a fan of all the chefs and “has all their baseball cards,” which is a pretty brilliant line.

FABIO YOU ARE THE WEAKEST LINKS PLEASE PACK YOUR KNIVES AND GO BACK TO TOLUCA LAKE GOODBYE

And it’s true, Fabio really was the weakest link.  But of the chefs left – Blaise, Dale, Antonia, Carla, Mike I, Angelo, Tiffany – there’s really no weak link.  Okay, maybe Mike because he doesn’t know how to cook pasta and only knows how to cook lamb, but we’re really getting down to the best chefs and the margin of error is basically down to zero.  Any of these chefs can win the whole thing.  Except for Mike.  And probably Tiffany.  And, let’s be honest, The Blaise will almost definitely win it all.  But it’s truly any chef’s game right now.

And, finally, we thought we were exited for last week’s Jimmy Fallon episode.  And then we saw the preview for this week and basically lost our mind.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Cookie Monster and a Target challenge?  Literally two of my favorite things.  Get outta my dreams and into my car, Top Chef!

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1 Comment

Filed under Analysis, Bert-n-Ernie, Century 21 Reality, Freak Out Control, Intersection of the venn diagram of things that I love, Local Flavor, Mancrush, Talkies, The Sixth Taste, Top Scallop

One response to “Last Week on ‘Top Chef’: The Boorgerman

  1. ciocio

    The reason that Italians can’t pronounce the word “burger” is because of the American English rhotic vowel, also known as the “r-colored vowel.” It just doesn’t exist in most other languages. A typical Italian speaker will either drop the “r”s or will trill them. To his credit, Fabio continually tried to pronounce the word without using the Italian trilled “r,” but most speakers of Romance languages simply cannot r-color their vowels. Just like many American speakers simply cannot trill theirs.

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