We thought we’d take a few moments to discuss the recent competition final that has legions of fans around the world crying foul. No, not the Ice Dancing Gold in Sochi, although that outcome has not surprisingly raised some eyebrows (to the novice judges viewing from our living room, we had the Canadians at least even with the Americans). No, we’re not talking about the world of sports here, but the culinary world, and, more specifically, the results of the Top Chef:New Orleans
More: Culinary a-salt?
We just thought of this randomly one day, but let’s just say this is in anticipation of Sunday’s Girls premiere. At the very least, it gives us a coule extra tags.
But this time, they’ll be in Texas, where EVERYTHING is bigger.
The big question, however, is will Telly Monster return?
We sincerely apologize for the absence of Redemption Island recaps the last month; Gawker.TV ceased publishing weekly recaps and our day job has been monopolizing our time. But, with the finale airing tonight night, we felt it was our responsibility (and our pleasure) to give some thoughts on what’s transpired since our last recap and what is still to come.
Before we delve into the eliminations, duels, blindsides and bonehead moves of the past month, it’s come to our attention that we’ve been going easy on Matt and his love of Jesus. So, to right that wrong, we’re going to go ahead and dedicate the first part this post to Matt and his savior.
“Are you there, God? It’s me, Matt. Why have you abandoned me?”
“Because, Matt, I don’t care about reality television. I’m the almighty creator, and I have infinitely more important things to do than interfere with or preordain some reality show competition. And if I were to get involved with any of these shows, it wouldn’t be Survivor, hands down it’d be Top Chef, because a) I fancy myself as a bit of a foodie and b) have you seen the rack on Padma? One of my finest creations.”
“Oh, so that one set of footprints. That wasn’t you carrying me on your back?”
“Nope, no way. All you, buddy.”
Read on: Some more Matt bashing, why Boston Rob does and doesn’t deserve to win, and our FINAL prediction…
Two weeks ago on Top Chef they pulled the old bait and switch and you get a car and you get a car and you get a car and you’re all going to the Bahamas! So last week it was off to the tropical islands to get cookin’.
But before they can get to the Quickfire, everyone is just blown away by Richard’s beard.
More: To what lengths will Antonia go to win? Sabotage?
Over the last couple years we’ve become ardent devotees to the concept of “Occam’s Razor,” the tenet that the “simplest explanation is most likely the correct one.” There’s a similar paradigm that works itself into any season of Survivor, but focuses less on the simplest explanation and more on the theory that players will make their moves based on the belief that the other competitors will make the correct, smartest decisions. Unfortunately, as the show as often proved, playing that way does not always lead to the best results. And we saw an example of this again last night.
But more on that later. First, (as teased last week) Matt arrives on Redemption Island and Francesca is shocked (shocked!) it wasn’t Phillip who was voted out by the Ometepe tribe earlier in the night. He had no allies, posed no threat, and basically begged for mercy, so why would Ometepe (and its leader, Boston Rob) want to keep him around? Oh, yeah, for those very reasons. Phillip may be a loose cannon, intolerable, and borderline bipolar, but right now, as Rob says, he’s a loyal solider. Plus, he’s endlessly entertaining. Back at Ometepe camp Rob breaks down the alliance, explicitly telling Phil that he’s the fifth person on a five-person alliance and Phil is basically responds “Cool! Just happy to be here! Thanks, Rob!” And then they seal Phil’s blind allegiance with a first bump, which in the three federal agencies that Phil used to serve in is tantamount to swearing on one’s parents’ graves.
More: Our first Inferno-The Furnace-The Gauntlet-The Meatgrinder Duel. Followed by puss-filled rashes, water torture, dumb strategy and dumb luck. The Probst man cometh, does the bell finally ring for Russell?
Quickly, before new one, last time on Top Chef: All-Stars:
– Paula Deen stops by for the Quickfire to annoy the hell out of us! And, of course, to tell everyone to FRY their foods. Oil, butter, DEATH.
MORE: Mike is a thief AND a fraud. But justice is served. And it’s delicious…