2012/10/17 · 4:21 pm
Alright, guys, let’s try to do this before the entirety of the Matisyahu Tribe is completely decimated and all we have left is the memory of Angie’s boobs. We’ve been dark for the last few weeks, but all we missed discussing was the systematic destruction of Russell Swan and the Gang. But after tonight, when Denise and Malcolm will likely be forced into tribe cannibalism for survival and admission to the merge, things should get more interesting. So throw away your binders full of women and let’s get to it.
(Note: we want to thank Nate Silver from the Electoral Blog FiveThirtyEight for providing absolutely no scientific of statistical input for these predictions.)
Abi-Maria: Well, if the idea of the game was to out-crazy, out-make no sense, out-constantly touch your hair, then Abi-Maria would have this game completely locked up. Unfortunately for her, that is not how the game is played, and what she considers strategic, clever gameplay is actually loose cannon paranoia that verges on schizophrenia. Perhaps the reason that she keeps pulling at her tresses is that she’s trying to keep the voices out (or in). Certainly, considering the rapid disintegration of her alliance with RC Cola, her loyalty and judgment are suspect, and we think she’s ripe for a blind-side down the road. Odds of Winning: 45-1
Up Next: Sinbad!
Filed under Analysis, Bob Loblaw, Century 21 Reality, Dillon Panthers, Saved by the Bell, Tribal Council
Tagged as Abi-Maria, Amber Brkich, American Gladiators, Angel Salvadore, Angie, Archie Betty, Arrested Development, Artis, Barry Bonds, Bayside, Benihana, Binders Full of Women, Blair, Bobby Jon Drinkard, Boston Rob, Carter, Dana, Dawson, Denise, Elecitonate, Facts of Life, FiveThirtyEight, George Clooney, Inspector Clouseau, Jeff Kent, Jo, Jonah Hill, Kabbalah, Kat, Katie, Kelly Kapowski, Kristen Stewart, Lisa Whelchel, Lt. Dan, Malcolm, Matisyahu, Matrix Twins, Michael Jordan, Michael Rapaport, Michael Skupin, Mrs. Garrett, My Secret Identity, Nate Cohn, Nate Silver, Penner, Pete, Philippines, Rambo, RC Cola, Roxy, Russell Swan, Sandra Diaz-Twine, Saved by the Bell, Sinbad, Stephenie LaGrossa, Super Troopers, Survivor, Sylvester Stallone, Taylor Kitsch, The Expendables, The Fabulous Moolah, The Wire, Tim Riggins, Tootie, Top Chef Tattoos, Wallace, Wesley Two Scoops Berry, X-Men, X-Men: First Class, Zane, Zit-Off, Zoe Kravitz
2012/09/26 · 4:04 pm
A real man makes his own luck.
-Zane, Survivor: Philippines
A few days ago, on the cusp of the premiere of Survivor: Filippines: The Rise of Skupin, we were asked if Survivor as a series (not the Survivor Series) is still entertaining after twenty-four seasons. “How could it possibly be?” they wondered. But we told this person that the show, against all odds, manages to be fresh and new almost every season, that although the game uses essentially the same format that it started with back in Borneo, each season and its cast members offer something new and different, something that makes the show worth watching. Case and point, in the first episode of our new season, we are blessed with Zane, who once again proves that no matter how long this show goes the players will continue to be stupid. And that, my friend, is why, twelve years later, Survivor is still very much worth watching.
But, in our normal fashion, before we get to end and Zane’s stupidity, let’s start at the start. And we start with Jeff Probst channelling Bruce Willis in Striking Distance and rolling up in a speedboat, looking as confident and determined as ever, putting to rest any worries that one might have had that he’d be preoccupied with this just premiered daytime talker (and, perhaps, in another post it would worth discussing just how much Probst has meant to Survivor, and how much it owes its success to the man in blue). And we get our first look at the new cast, which in addition to the returning players that we’ve already discussed – Mike “Two Scoops” Skupin, Jonathan Penner, and Russell Swan (who, apparently, came directly from a jazz performance) – includes former Facts of Life star Lisa Whelchel and former Major League Baseball MVP Jeff Kent.
A few hundred words on why we hate Jeff Kent and then the game is afoot…
Filed under Analysis, Be careful what you wish for, Century 21 Reality, Sha la la la, Tribal Council
Tagged as Abi-Maria, Always Be Chopping, American Gladiators, Angie, Barry Bonds, Blair, Blair Boobs, Boobs, Bruce Wayne, Carlos Baerga, chess, Cream for a Day, Dan Girardi, David Cone, Denise, Doc Gooden, Facts of Life, Family Ties, Former Miss Delaware Katie, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Jeff Kent, Jeff Probst, Jo, Jonathan Penner, Kabbalah, Lisa Whelchel, Malcolm, Matisyahu, Meredith Baxter, Michael J. Fox, Michael Skupin, Miss Bayside, New Coke, New York Mets, Philippines, RC Cola, Russell Swan, San Francisco Giants, Saved by the Bell, sex therapist, Survivor, Survivor Series, Survivor: Filippines: The Rise of Skupi, Tarzan, Undertaker, Wesley Two Scoops Berry, Zane
2012/08/23 · 1:59 pm
There’s a tale we like to tell to novice or late-to-the-party Survivor fans. It’s a story – feels more like myth now – about a tribe called Kucha in a harsh landscape called the Outback. This is pre-Russell Hantz, pre-Boston Rob, even pre-Tom Westman. This is back in the second season of Survivor, when they had no idea that their initial success would continue nearly unabated for twenty-four seasons, that Richard Hatch and his flabby, hairy, naked figure strolling the beach in Borneo had changed the face of television forever. In season two the show was still in unknown territory, not yet a cultural institution with enough memorable moments to fill a double DVD and enough beloved (and reviled) players to field a competitive softball league. This was a long time ago. But all that time we’ve never forgotten about Michael Skupin. And never gave up hope – despite how unlikely it seemed – that he would return.
We often relate how this season featured a tribe that we found to be as formidable and as likable (save for Kimmi) as any tribe in Survivor’s prodigious history. It featured a pretty young face that we’d come to later know as Elisabeth Hasslebeck, football wife and The View co-host/conservative punching bag, then going by the surname Filarski. And while Kucha lacked the statistical dominance of Tom Westman’s Koror tribe in Palau, the team felt as strong and cohesive as any tribe, and it was getting stronger and more cohesive after each challenge and Tribal Council. There was Jeff Varner, the good-looking, drawling Tar Heel, and his partner-in-crime Alicia Calaway, who could have easily parlayed her Survivor appearance into a berth in the WWE. There was Old Man Rodger, who had formed such a sweet, good-natured, grandfather-granddaughter relationship with Elisabeth. And there was Nick Brown, the bright, young Harvard Law student. And they were all led by Michael Skupin, a midwest father whose receding hairline was more Bruce Willis than Ron Howard. Skupin served as heart and soul of the team, his intelligence and survival skills keeping Kucha focused and united at camp, his athletic ability pacing them in challenges, and his hunting prowess keeping them energized. With his guidance Kucha was poised to decimate the Ogakor Tribe, which featured such bickering, unlikable players as Jerri “the Black Widow” Manthey, arrogant chef Keith Famie, mama’s boy himbo Colby Donaldson, mama surrogate Tina Wesson, and another pretty face named Amber (yep, that Amber); it was a tribe that fell out of favor with us the moment they voted out Maralyn “Mad Dog” Hershey. Ogakor featured several future All-Stars and a couple million dollar winners, but after five tribal councils they were faltering, fractured and frustrated (Colby dousing Jerri with a bucket of water following a Reward Challenge loss, for example), and with one more Immunity Challenge defeat they were in danger of going into the merge down 6-4 to a Kucha Tribe operating with extreme confidence and bellies full of chickens and popcorn and, thanks to Mike, a pig.
And then, in the blink of an eye, it all came crashing down.
And like that, he’s gone…
Filed under Be careful what you wish for, Century 21 Reality, Freak Out Control, Mancrush, Tribal Council
Tagged as Alicia Calaway, Amber Brkich, Australia, Boston Rob, Bruce Willis, Coach, Colby Donaldon, Elisabeth Filarski, Elisabeth Hasselbeck, fire, Jeff Varner, Jerri Manthey, Jonathan Penner, Keith Famie, Kimmi Kappenberg, Koror, Kucha, Maralyn Mad Dog Hershey, Michael Skupin, Mike Skupin, Nick Brown, Ogakor, Outback, Palau, Richard Hatch, Rodger Bingham, Ron Howard, Russell Hantz, Russell Swan, Sandra Diaz-Twine, Sliding Doors, Survivor, Survivor: Philippines, The Amazing Race, The View, Tina Wesson, Tom Westman, WWE