Category Archives: Tribal Council

‘Survivor: One World’ – Big Boobs

We made a joke last week in our Survivor: ONE WORLD! recap about girls having tiny brains, just not having the mental capacity to compete with the male sex.  But, hey, that was all in good fun.  And we would never legitimately call these women or any women dumb.  But Nina -a women herself – has no problems doing so.  And she pretty much does so for forty-four minutes in this episode.  Also, Kat is really dumb.  We know what we said three sentences ago, but, empirically, scientifically, she’s a numskull.  Our word, not Nina’s (her’s was “nitwit.”  Also accurate).

But do you know what Kat also is?  She’s a master of fire, and she wastes no time in picking up where we left off last week, telling us that no one touches the fire but her, not even the men who were so chivalrous enough to keep the Salami Tribe’s fire going while they were off at Tribal Council bickering and voting off no one.  Because even if the fire went out, she could start it right back up.  No big.

Tell em, Kat!

Things are starting to fray at Salami, but Alicia’s not worried.  A) She’s won’t be weighed down by appropriate fitting clothing, and B) she’s got her alliance.

Read on: The women get a taste of their own medicine. And what’s that in the woods???

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Filed under Analysis, Century 21 Reality, Gratuitous Search Term Bait, The Worst, Tribal Council, You Decide

‘Survivor: One World’ Premiere: A Game of Chicken

Good news, everyone!: Survivor recaps are back (for now, at least.  Until we inevitably get pulled away for something like this).

And we start Survivor: ONE WORLD! with even more good news: No more Redemption Island (unless there’s a top-secret Last Chance Redemption Island, but wethinks they’re leaving that for Tom Colicchio), which is welcome for two reasons; 1) the show will return to its classic structure, giving us the enjoyment of separate reward and immunity challenges, and sparing us the pain of watching exiled player after exiled player finding God on the Redemption Island (also, it saves us from enduring someone like Ozzie climbing trees, catching fish, and belting gorilla calls, boasting about how he’s never eaten better); and 2) this will make these recaps at least somewhat shorter, relieving us of the responsibility of reporting on every single Redemption Island duel (however, it does preclude us from making fun of The Real World-Road Rules Challenge, but we’ll try to make up for that in other places.  God willing).

So let’s get to it!  Survivor: ONE WORLD! starts by revealing that in instead of Redemption Island, this season’s twist is that it’s boys vs. girls, which should have immediately inspired all women to crib from Jenna Morasca‘s playbook, and cautioned the men against such tactics.  Instead, when Jeff Probst gives both tribes sixty-seconds to strip the truck they came in on for parts, “Big Mike” takes a page out of Rupert’s book and employ’s the ol’ steal from the other team trick.  It’s really Survivor 101, a classic first ten minutes, scrambling for initial supplies move.  Frankly, the women  should have known better, and their lack of attention was a terrible lapse in judgment that cemented this as a battle of the sexes, and basically sets the course for this season, at least until the first tribal shakeup or the merge.  Right now though, it’s boys and girls in the sandbox, pulling each other’s hair, giving (American) Indian rope burns and throwing dirt.  In other words, they’re being a bunch of self-possessed, petty brats, which we’re sure is exactly what Survivor and producer Mark Burnett were hoping for.

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‘Survivor’ Returns Tonight!

In just a matter of our CBS will premiere the newest edition of Survivor, this time set in the vast wilds of the South Pacific.  Also returning this season will be the much-maligned (at least by us) Redemption Island twist.  Also also returning, the inclusion of two returning Survivor players from season’s past.  Will one of those players be Steve, competing in back-to-back seasons?

Clearly not.

Actually the two returning players are Coach (!) and Ozzie.  Now in his third game of Survivor, we wonder if Coach will exhibit his trademark modesty.

See you at Tribal Council!

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‘Survivor: Redemption Island’ Finale: Pawn Stars

Our Redemption Island journey came to an end Sunday night, and while the home stretch of the season had been rather uneventful and predictable, if economical, we still had the chance for fireworks in the last two hours.  Would Rob complete what was unquestionably one of – if not the – definitive Survivor performances, winning it all in his fourth attempt?  Or, perhaps, would Matt fulfill his destiny and return from Redemption Island to become the Sole Survivor (if that was God’s will)?  Or would Mike, the lone remaining member of Zapatera, the double threat of soldier and Jesus lover,  reenter the game and lockup votes from his former teammates?  Or would Grant, the remarkable physical specimen, go undefeated down the stretch, the jury rewarding  his unparalleled athletic prowess with a million dollars.  Or, finally, would Andrea prove victorious in the final Redemption Island duel and surprise us all by going all the way to the end?  Well, there’s no way that could happen, right?

Wrong! But could anyone possibly stand in the way of Boston Rob???

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Filed under Analysis, Be careful what you wish for, Century 21 Reality, God Laughs, LOST, Masochism, Tribal Council, You Decide

‘Survivor: Redemption Island:’ Gods and Mobsters/We’re Going to Need a Bigger Redemption Island

Survivor Redemption IslandWe sincerely apologize for the absence of Redemption Island recaps the last month; Gawker.TV ceased publishing weekly recaps and our day job has been monopolizing our time.  But, with the finale airing tonight night, we felt it was our responsibility (and our pleasure) to give some thoughts on what’s transpired since our last recap and what is still to come.

Before we delve into the eliminations, duels, blindsides and bonehead moves of the past month, it’s come to our attention that we’ve been going easy on Matt and his love of Jesus.  So, to right that wrong, we’re going to go ahead and dedicate the first part this post to Matt and his savior.

“Are you there, God?  It’s me, Matt.  Why have you abandoned me?”

“Because, Matt, I don’t care about reality television.  I’m the almighty creator, and I have infinitely more important things to do than interfere with or preordain some reality show competition.  And if I were to get involved with any of these shows, it wouldn’t be Survivor, hands down it’d be Top Chef, because a) I fancy myself as a bit of a foodie and b) have you seen the rack on Padma?  One of my finest creations.”

“Oh, so that one set of footprints.  That wasn’t you carrying me on your back?”

“Nope, no way.   All you, buddy.”

“Shit.”

Read on: Some more Matt bashing, why Boston Rob does and doesn’t deserve to win, and our FINAL prediction…

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Gratuitous Search Term Bait of the Day: Pushing the Probstvelope

We’re bringing this “daily” feature back after a too long hiatus (mostly because we’ve been busy, but also because our search terms everyday for the last six weeks have all been some variation on “Survivor Federal Agent Phillip”), today working with a non-Phillip term, “www.cbs/jeffprobst.”  Last week on Redemption Island Probst played with fire, just dying for a fine from the FCC and a rash of angry letters from the Parents Television Council.  Luckily, he toed the line, and while it seemed like he was just begging to blunder (a la Jenny Slate), he managed to somehow get out the following challenge commentary without explicitly describing a lewd act (but certainly suggesting it).  We included this in our recap, but it’s worth posting again.  Probst, living dangerously!

Oh, and if you were really curious (although, why you would search for a url, we don’t know), check it: cbs.com/jeffprobst

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‘Survivor: Redemption Island’: See You at the Cross-Roads (Director’s Cut)

This is it, guys!  Merge time!  And the end of Redemption Island!

Which would have totally been a surprise if they didn’t already tell us this in the preview for this week’s episode.  And they didn’t just tease the game changer, but pretty much announced it.  Which is kind of regrettable, as it took away a potential surprise in the midst of a run of pretty mundane episodes.

Also pretty regrettable – to us at least – is that the producers chose to coincide the merge with the reentry of the Redemption Island ultimate warrior back into the game.  That’s too neat, too obvious, and we reckoned it would be too much all at once.  Wouldn’t have it been more enjoyable, more entertaining if the Redemption Island duels continued while the remaining players vied for Individual Immunity?  In short, in crass terms, our concern was that combining these two moves would pretty much be the equivalent of the show shooting it’s load.  Would that be the case?  We should see.

Keep reading: The Christian, The Sheppard, and The Last Supper

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We Solve the Mystery of ‘Survivor’ Phillip’s Lion Tattoo

A few weeks ago we posited that the tattoo on Former Federal Agent (?) Phillip’s right shoulder looks more like a pimp than a lion.  But even then we knew there was a better comparison, but we just couldn’t think of it.  It was on the tip of our tongue, at the very precipice of our cerebral cortex, but we should couldn’t find it.  Until now.

It’s Beverly Hills hairstylist and Jackée Harry’s ex-husband to Elgin Charles!  DUH!

See for yourself:

Former Federal Agent Phillip Lion Tattoo

Riiiiight?

Jackée, what do you think?

Well, agree to disagree.

 

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Filed under Tribal Council, What? Too fabulous?, You Decide

‘Survivor: Redemption Island’: S’more Crispy Rice Treats (Director’s Cut)

Phillip Survivor Redemption IslandBefore we start this Survivor: Redemption Island recap CBS would like us to visit www.cbs.com/jeffprobst.  Normally we’d demur that kind of blatant and heavy-handed promotion, but we love Probst too much to complain in this particular instance.  So go, now, and then come right back here.

Back?  Okay, good!  You got back just in time to listen to Stephanie list every food item ever, which, as any survival expert will tell you, is the best way to stave off the hunger of being by yourself in a sweaty jungle for two weeks.  Right, Matt?  Isn’t she helping?  Isn’t Stephanie detailing every flavor of Pop Tart just melting your hunger away?  But Matt totally wins us over by quoting The Sandlot, telling Stephanie “You’re killing me, Smalls.”  GREAT REFERENCE.  You know what, Matt, you’re okay by us.  Just don’t start talking about how God is on your side again and how your faith will help you succeed in this reality TV competition.  Oh, no, there you go.  Nevermind.  That didn’t last long.

More! Sarita steps up, David deliberates and Phillip doesn’t get his fill…

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‘Survivor: Redemption Island’: The Sweet Taste of Crabs (Director’s Cut)

So this week we entered the post-Russell Hantz era.  And for those of you who complained that Russell was a sneaky, nefarious player who only made it to the finals because he had no chance to win, and that his dominance was a product of editing, and that he was a bore and boorish, well, do you miss him now?  Because, say what you want about the guy, there’s no denying that he made things interesting.  Which is perhaps something you can’t say about last night’s Survivor

Keep reading: Phillips say the darndest things. Plus: Tetris! Rubix Cubes! A giant maze!

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