Category Archives: Tribal Council

2010/10/27 · 6:24 pm

‘Survivor Nicaragua’: Double Trouble

For a while there it looked as if, for the fourth week straight, we’d lose one of the older males from Survivor: Nicaragua.  All signs pointed to Marty joining the parade out into the graveyard, following in succession former Espada tribemates Jimmy Johnson, Jimmy T and Tyrone.  Traded two episodes ago to the La Flor tribe, Marty had only his Immunity Idol (and Fabio, for some reason) to protect him.  And when, at Tribal Council, he elected not to use it, he had nothing to left.  He was a goner.

But no???

Read on: What? Why? STUPID.

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2010/10/20 · 5:13 pm

‘Survivor Nicaragua:’ Chicken Little/Little Chicken

Marty started off last week’s episode of Survivor: Nicaragua telling us how he’s got it all figured out.  The game is going exactly as he planned it, he’s completely masterminding the Espada tribe, and he can see two or three tribal councils ahead, so they might as well just give him the million dollars now.

WHOOPS!

Unfortunately, Marty failed to realize that this strategy doesn’t work when you systematically vote off the alpha males in your tribe, leaving your team of geezers severely weakened to the point that the producers have two choices a) take the Espada tribe behind the barn and put them out of their misery or b) mix up the tribes.  Not surprisingly, they chose option B.  Should have seen that one coming Marty.  We take back the million dollars.

So with Marty shifting over to La Flor, along with Jill and Jane (whose unabashed glee at the swap was the first annoying thing she’s done all season), Tyrone took up the mantle of chief of Espada, giving the new arrivals the lowdown on camp protocol.  While Tyrone was clearly the premier physical player for Espada, Marty was the bigger vocal presence, so it was interesting to see Tyrone step into the breach, especially after he seemed content to let Jimmy J, Jimmy T and Marty fight amongst themselves.  But Tyrone, perhaps feeling a bit paternal, decided to be the silverback, and tell the new guys how things are done.  Honestly, the rules and regulations for Espada camp didn’t sound all that outrageous, pretty practical really, and Tyrone didn’t deliver the orientation with a condescending or hostile tone.  But the younglings, led by Benry and Chase, were going to take any excuse to vote off their biggest male competitor, and when Tyrone appeared to overindulge on the chicken he initially protested killing and cooking, he put the final nail in his own coffin.  Always remember, Tyrone: LOOSE TYRONES SINK SHIPS.

Read on: The Sky Is Falling!!!

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2010/10/13 · 7:14 pm

‘Survivor Nicaragua’: Foot in Mouth Disease

Well, Jimmy T, you got what you wanted last week, ousting TWO TIME SUPER BOWL WINNING NFL COACH Jimmy Johnson, because he was, in your own words “not a Jimmy T fan.”  Well, be careful what you wish for Jimmy T, because with Jimmy Johnson out of the picture you sealed your own fate by NOT shutting up about how all you wanted was “one shot” and you just wanted “to be put in there” and see “some game time” and other things you say when you’re 6 years-old and terrible and your t-ball coach rightfully puts you in the outfield.  The sports analogies sort of made sense when Jimmy Johnson was still around, but now that he’s gone they’re just plain grating, and pretty much illogical.  As was Jimmy T as a whole in this episode, as he failed to grasp that he was digging his own grave, and followed Jimmy J right into the, well, graveyard.

So, Jimmy T, we hardly knew ye.  Let’s look back at some of your finer moments:

More!

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2010/10/06 · 3:54 pm

‘Survivor Nicaragua’ Unless You’re Bill Parcells, How Could You Think You’re a Better Coach Than Jimmy Johnson? AKA The Final Faces of Jimmy Johnson; Plus: Player by Player Odds!

Well, Survivor: Nicaragua just became a little tougher to watch every week.  While we were initially skeptical of the inclusion of former NFL head coach Jimmy Johnson’s in the cast, we were quickly won over by his charm and gung-ho attitude.  We still think it was a questionable decision by the producers, big picture-wise, but it enabled us to enjoy his positivity, humor and variety of faces every week.  That is, until the Espada tribe made the curious (aka egregious, outrageous) decision to cut Coach Johnson, engineered by Jimmy T and Marty’s testosterone-driven need to prove that they can be a better leader (than a Super Bowl winning NFL head coach).  Why Jimmy T felt threatened by Jimmy Johnson, or why he desired to usurp the  leadership role when it makes more sense to let Jimmy J maintain the mantle and thus the pressure, is beyond us.  And why Marty feels compelled to “accelerate” the game is even more baffling.  Now they’ve put themselves both in the cross-hairs, while they could have let the bullseye rest on Coach Johnson.  It was way to early for a power grab, and completely unnecessary, and they’ll likely realize this sooner rather than later.  At least vote out the dude who can’t even walk (Danny).

But, for now, the damage is done and Jimmy J is gone.  In his honor, our (perhaps) final Faces of Jimmy Johnson:
Continue: The sad final Faces of Jimmy Johnson. Then we rundown who’s left!

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2010/09/22 · 7:02 pm

‘Survivor: One-Star’; Thoughts on the ‘Survivor: Nicaragua’ Premiere

Well, Survivor: Nicaragua certainly has its work cut out for itself, following arguably the greatest season in the series’ illustrious history.  Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains, AKA Buried Knives and Burnt Hats: Boston Rob vs. Russell, brought us back from several seasons of indifference.  Really, our interest in the show had waned years ago,  and we really only returned to see Tom Westman defend his title.  But we found ourselves sucked back in, charmed by Russell, strangely tolerant of Boston Rob, amused by Coach, infuriated by Sandra, disappointed by Colby, baffled by JT, and it ended up being one of the strongest, and probably most enjoyable, season in memory.  But how will Survivor: Nicaragua stack up?  Without the familiarity of the castaways, the pang of nostalgia and the promise of alpha male vs. alpha male vs. alpha male vs. alpha male fireworks, will this new season hold our attention?

Well, the show is not All-Stars, but it does have one star, that being perpetually erect Super Bowl Champion coach Jimmy Johnson (not to be confused with his former boss, Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones, or 90s talk show host Jenny Jones, or top race car driver Jimmie Johnson or former wrestler and member of the Fabulous Freebirds Jimmy Garvin).  Turns out that Jimmy Johnson (or “Jimmy J”) is kind of a bizarro Tom Westman.  They’re both silver-topped elder statesman, but where Westman excelled in physical prowess and strong morals, Johnson oozes charm and good ol’ boy wit, matching his elite leadership skills with just enough self-deprecation and humor (although, no indication yet of how Johnson’s beard is going to fill in).  Turns out that this season might be worth watching just for Jimmy Johnson alone.

Read on: Goodbye, Chatterbox! And “The Faces of Jimmy Johnson”

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2010/05/20 · 11:36 am

‘Survivor: All-Stars’ Finale: Hey, Jealousy (And Tom Westman!)

About 3/4 of the way through the Survivor finale I turned to my viewing companion and said “If Sandra wins it might just ruin the whole season for me.”  A season, that up to that point, had been arguably the greatest in Survivor history.  But he calmed my fears, assuring me she wouldn’t win, and I thought “yeah, you’re right she’s not winning.”  It was just a moment of weakness where I let a worst-case impossible scenario appear to be a viable outcome.  But I quickly blocked out that preposterous notion.

Well, the good news is that, three nights after the finale aired, I do not feel that the season was ruined by virtue of its final vote.  However, the bad news is my nightmare came true.  Sandra won.  For the 2nd time.  The castaway who has never won a single challenge won a second time.

NEVER WON A SINGLE CHALLENGE.  IN TWO SEASONS.  And this time around she didn’t win by being slightly less worthless than a glorified girl scout.  No, this time she beat out Russell and Parvati, arguably the greatest strategist and greatest social player of all time, respectively.  So what gives?  How could this possibly happen?

Read on: The jury needs to grow up. Plus, our hero returns!

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2010/04/29 · 7:54 am

(Belated) ‘Survivor: All-Stars’ – Do Like Me? Check “Yes” or “No”

It’s been a busy few weeks in the outside world for Jumped The Snark, so there’s been nary a few minutes for updates, much do our dismay.  But before we return to Survivor: All-Stars tonight we wanted to chime in with an A-B-C phrase that works for both of the last episodes.  It’s a saying that covers JT’s schoolgirl note to Parvati, Parvati and Russel’s mean girl reaction to the note (see below), and Parvati’s tween brat explantation to Russel upon unveiling her hidden immunity idol (grinning and whispering “secrets”).

Vodpod videos no longer available.

With all this in mind, our overarching theme for the last two episodes is:

Always Be Children

Between the secrets, the cackling, the spiral notebook paper and the naiveté there sure has been some juvenile behavior out there.  But, to be fair, between Russell in the former episode and Parvati in the latter, there’s been some brilliant gameplay as well.  Tonight, we see if the captain of the football team and the head cheerleader turn their sights on each other or continue to rule the school together.

Or maybe it’s Sadie Hawkins Dance time (not sure how that applies).

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2010/04/11 · 8:08 pm

‘Survivor All-Stars’: The Dragon Slayer Is Vanquished

Before we get into this past week’s Tribal Council, let’s hear from Amanda (I think it’s Amanda.  Eight weeks in and I’m just now able to keep Amanda and Danielle straight.  And Candace and Courtney).

Insightful stuff there, Amanda; really eye-opening.

So Coach claims to have survived an a choose your own adventure of dangerous predicaments in exotic locations, facing down vicious natives and brutal conditions with only his cunning (and tai chi) to protect him.  Unfortunately, for Coach, here on Survivor: All-Stars he encountered the ultimate threat in the form of Russell Hantz.  And no amount of tall tales of enduring against insurmountable odds could save Coach this time.  And, really, he can boast all he wants about loyalty and cowardice, but he has no one to blame but himself.  He refused to vote for Russell two weeks ago and then decried the result when Boston Rob was eliminated.  And with his mancrush out of the picture he decided to take on the leadership role, and in doing so sent up the “varsity” team in the bowling reward challenge, because he so desperately wanted to win the bounty of a smorgasbord of (cold) pizzas.

More: Goodbye, Coach. And a new Survivor cookie???

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2010/04/02 · 7:37 am

‘Survivor’: All-Stars???

Last night’s Survivor felt more like a blooper reel clip show that should air as filler before the final episode, because it was teeming with just sloppy, weak, almost buffoonish play, both physically and strategically.  Don’t have much time today, so we’re going to make our thoughts quick.

If the high school where Coach heads up the girls soccer team ever needs someone to helm the basketball squad, they would probably be better off looking in another direction.

Colby, stirred on by James’ “Superman in a girdle” comment last week, really turned it on.  And wouldn’t let anything (or any middle aged woman) get in his way.

So how to sum up the week?

Well, a strong, strong contender was “Always Be Copping a feel” (Colby, looking in your direction).

Or it could be “Always Be Calling out,” for the awesome way Russell recommended to Rob that they vote out Sandra or Courtney (pointing to the two of them, no more than 3 feet away, and stating “one of these.”  Brilliant.)

But no, our A-B-C phrase of the week is brought to us by Coach, who was torn between his mancrush Rob and his commitment to Russell and in the end didn’t choose either side.  That’s not being loyal or honorable, not in this game.  It’s being meek and afraid.  So, for this week, it’s:

Always Be Cowardly

Thanks, Coach!

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2010/03/25 · 3:33 pm

‘Survivor: Heroes vs. Villians’ – All Hantz On Deck AKA “What Just Happened?”

Not This WayWe we came home to an unexpected treat last night.  No, not the Rangers-Islanders game broadcast in 3D (because who besides Future Marty McFly owns a 3D TV? (although, I guess future Marty McFly would now be Present Marty McFly, but that’s there not here)).  We’re talking about a special Wednesday episode of Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains (moved up a night, as is the yearly tradition, to accommodate March Madness, or, as I think of it, Annual Exploitation of College Kids in Order to Line the Already Deep Pockets of Television Networks and Elite Universities While at the Same Time Deferring Attention From the Start of the Baseball Season Madness.  Wow, two sports references in the first paragraph.  We’ll stop, promise).  And boy, was it ever special.

After our hero Lt. Tom Westman was voted out two weeks ago we* were glad that the show had a mini-hiatus last week.  We needed the time to mourn, to come to terms, to learn to love again.  And honestly, when the show started last night we didn’t know if we still had the desire.  Perhaps the spark was gone.  And when it soon became clear that Colby, Tom’s deputy and the last remaining true hero, and Russell, the most entertaining and devious competitor, were on the chopping block our excitement for the rest of the season was diminished even further.  A show with no Tom, no Colby, no Russell (and no curmudgeonly Randy)?  Would that even be a show worth watching?  Why continue tuning in to see Rupert sacrifice his integrity for a weak alliance, to see James hobble his way through challenges and jackass his way through Tribal Councils, to see Courtney literally waste away, to see Sandra make it to the final three by doing absolutely nothing (and to begrudgingly see Boston Rob dominate physically and mentally).  I’m just not sure that’s a show I want to watch.

And after the combination reward/immunity challenge, and the promise of both tribes going to Council, the show tried to tease us into thinking that Russell would maybe outsmart Boston Rob, and that perhaps the Heroes tribe would (a week too late) vote out James if he couldn’t beat JT in a footrace.  But we knew better than that.  They were just trying to create false drama, a faint, feigned glimmer of hope that our white knight and our red devil wouldn’t be going home.  Sorry, Survivor, you can’t fool us that easily.

But wait.

No, not this way…

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