‘Survivor Nicaragua’: Foot in Mouth Disease

Well, Jimmy T, you got what you wanted last week, ousting TWO TIME SUPER BOWL WINNING NFL COACH Jimmy Johnson, because he was, in your own words “not a Jimmy T fan.”  Well, be careful what you wish for Jimmy T, because with Jimmy Johnson out of the picture you sealed your own fate by NOT shutting up about how all you wanted was “one shot” and you just wanted “to be put in there” and see “some game time” and other things you say when you’re 6 years-old and terrible and your t-ball coach rightfully puts you in the outfield.  The sports analogies sort of made sense when Jimmy Johnson was still around, but now that he’s gone they’re just plain grating, and pretty much illogical.  As was Jimmy T as a whole in this episode, as he failed to grasp that he was digging his own grave, and followed Jimmy J right into the, well, graveyard.

So, Jimmy T, we hardly knew ye.  Let’s look back at some of your finer moments:

Do you know what that gets you Jimmy T?  This:

You are the weakest Jimmy.  Goodbye.

Keeping it short and sweet this week, so the A-B-C phrase for Survivor: Nicaragua episode four is:

Always Be Clueless

Because, Jimmy T, you were.  Couldn’t save yourself.  Couldn’t shut your mouth.  Didn’t realize that you were alienating your tribe to the point that they voted you out over Danny.  Danny!  Who CAN’T WALK.  Seriously, One Leg Kelly could outrun him with one leg!

And do you know who is also clueless?  Marty.  He thinks he’s got the whole game figured out, and up to this point he’s had the older Espada tribe under his thumb.  Well, guess what Marty?  THINGS HAPPEN.  Like mixing up the tribes, which is exactly what it appears is going to happen tonight, if the previews are to be believed.  Lesson learned, Marty:  they don’t give out prizes for winning the first week of Survivor.  And, they also don’t give out prizes for masterminding the tribe that loses 3 out of the first 4 challenges.  Which is exactly what you’ve done.  Good job, Machiavelli, and good luck with the kids.

We miss Jimmy Johnson.  Could you tell?

Oh, and CBS.com, do us a favor and don’t put a fucking ad for a phone charger over your video.  THANKS.

Jeez!