Maybe we were spoiled by the last season of All-Stars. Not just that it offered unmatched drama, familiar characters, surprise twists, but also that those guys knew how to play the game. Granted, that’s a benefit of playing the game for the second, and in some cases, third time, and there were still plenty of dummies out there (Tyson and JT committing two of the all-time unforgivable blunders in Survivor history), but the people running the game, at the top of the food chain – Russell, Parvati, Boston Rob, even Rupert – did so with intelligence and cunning. It truly was a game managed by all-stars. Heck, even Sandra knew how to play game. And she also knew to save the vindictive vandalism for the last day, and when Russell steals other player’s shoes he doesn’t tearfully confess an hour later (lessons to be learned, NaOnka, Holly). But over here on Nicaragua, even though there are clearly leaders on each tribe, they’re not nearly as crafty and clever as they think they are. And, now, you can’t even blame it on youth, because Marty, self-proclaimed master of the game, is racking up the mistakes along with the kids. Who among the tribes is truly grasping this game, making smart, logical moves, not just tricky, creative ones? Right now, it’s hard to say.
Tag Archives: All-Stars
‘Survivor: Nicaragua’ – Utter Stupidity
Filed under Analysis, Krebstar, Saved by the Bell, Tribal Council
‘Survivor: One-Star’; Thoughts on the ‘Survivor: Nicaragua’ Premiere
Well, Survivor: Nicaragua certainly has its work cut out for itself, following arguably the greatest season in the series’ illustrious history. Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains, AKA Buried Knives and Burnt Hats: Boston Rob vs. Russell, brought us back from several seasons of indifference. Really, our interest in the show had waned years ago, and we really only returned to see Tom Westman defend his title. But we found ourselves sucked back in, charmed by Russell, strangely tolerant of Boston Rob, amused by Coach, infuriated by Sandra, disappointed by Colby, baffled by JT, and it ended up being one of the strongest, and probably most enjoyable, season in memory. But how will Survivor: Nicaragua stack up? Without the familiarity of the castaways, the pang of nostalgia and the promise of alpha male vs. alpha male vs. alpha male vs. alpha male fireworks, will this new season hold our attention?
Well, the show is not All-Stars, but it does have one star, that being perpetually erect Super Bowl Champion coach Jimmy Johnson (not to be confused with his former boss, Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones, or 90s talk show host Jenny Jones, or top race car driver Jimmie Johnson or former wrestler and member of the Fabulous Freebirds Jimmy Garvin). Turns out that Jimmy Johnson (or “Jimmy J”) is kind of a bizarro Tom Westman. They’re both silver-topped elder statesman, but where Westman excelled in physical prowess and strong morals, Johnson oozes charm and good ol’ boy wit, matching his elite leadership skills with just enough self-deprecation and humor (although, no indication yet of how Johnson’s beard is going to fill in). Turns out that this season might be worth watching just for Jimmy Johnson alone.
Read on: Goodbye, Chatterbox! And “The Faces of Jimmy Johnson”
Filed under Analysis, Century 21 Reality, Tribal Council
Not Very Late Night With Jimmy Fallon: Random, Belated, Emmy Thoughts
The Emmy’s were handed out three nights ago, and in the internet world that’s about the equivalent of a fortnight, and everyone who can say it better than me has already said it better than me. But, just to put it on the permanent record, and to get us ready for the impending fall TV season, we thought we’d follow-up with a few humble thoughts of our own, in concise bullet-point form:
- Loved the opening bit, even if it was somewhat of a rehash of 6-Bee‘s glee club rendition of “We’re Not Going to Take It,” a performance that we still giddily cue up on our screen on a regular basis (as well as an audio version on our iPod). But with Tina Fey, Jon Hamm, Joel McHale, Jorge Garcia AND Tim Gunn it was like the Ocean’s 11 all-star version of the original Late Night piece, and it truly demanded some freak out control. Our worlds colliding, but in an amazing way.
- Speaking of Jon Hamm, now that his comedic genius has finally been exposed to a wide audience (30 Rock is still critically adored but commercially ignored, his appearances in viral videos only legitimately reach a small segment of the online viewing public, and even two turns hosting SNL don’t necessarily make you a household name these days), can we start having him be funny full-time? He’s so gifted, and so natural, it honestly feels like a waste forcing him to be so stoic and dour and cold on Mad Men (and we know we sound like a broken record on this, but we’re going to keep bring it up until it happens. Or until Mad Men becomes a farcical satire. Maybe in season 5). Sure, he’s magnetic, sexy and mysterious on the AMC drama, but it’s when he’s allowed to do comedy that he truly lights up. But after being seen dancing like an idiot on HDTVs all across the country maybe someone will give him a chance to headline a comedy. Perhaps something in the Apatowian genre. I think that’s a hit.
- And if and when Hamm gets that nod can they please place Joel McHale alongside him? Please?
Continue: more overdue and rambling considerations, compliments and criticisms…
‘Survivor: All-Stars’ Finale: Hey, Jealousy (And Tom Westman!)
About 3/4 of the way through the Survivor finale I turned to my viewing companion and said “If Sandra wins it might just ruin the whole season for me.” A season, that up to that point, had been arguably the greatest in Survivor history. But he calmed my fears, assuring me she wouldn’t win, and I thought “yeah, you’re right she’s not winning.” It was just a moment of weakness where I let a worst-case impossible scenario appear to be a viable outcome. But I quickly blocked out that preposterous notion.
Well, the good news is that, three nights after the finale aired, I do not feel that the season was ruined by virtue of its final vote. However, the bad news is my nightmare came true. Sandra won. For the 2nd time. The castaway who has never won a single challenge won a second time.
NEVER WON A SINGLE CHALLENGE. IN TWO SEASONS. And this time around she didn’t win by being slightly less worthless than a glorified girl scout. No, this time she beat out Russell and Parvati, arguably the greatest strategist and greatest social player of all time, respectively. So what gives? How could this possibly happen?
Filed under Analysis, Century 21 Reality, Tribal Council
(Belated) ‘Survivor: All-Stars’ – Do Like Me? Check “Yes” or “No”
It’s been a busy few weeks in the outside world for Jumped The Snark, so there’s been nary a few minutes for updates, much do our dismay. But before we return to Survivor: All-Stars tonight we wanted to chime in with an A-B-C phrase that works for both of the last episodes. It’s a saying that covers JT’s schoolgirl note to Parvati, Parvati and Russel’s mean girl reaction to the note (see below), and Parvati’s tween brat explantation to Russel upon unveiling her hidden immunity idol (grinning and whispering “secrets”).
Vodpod videos no longer available.With all this in mind, our overarching theme for the last two episodes is:
Always Be Children
Between the secrets, the cackling, the spiral notebook paper and the naiveté there sure has been some juvenile behavior out there. But, to be fair, between Russell in the former episode and Parvati in the latter, there’s been some brilliant gameplay as well. Tonight, we see if the captain of the football team and the head cheerleader turn their sights on each other or continue to rule the school together.
Or maybe it’s Sadie Hawkins Dance time (not sure how that applies).
Filed under Tribal Council
‘Survivor All-Stars’: The Dragon Slayer Is Vanquished
Before we get into this past week’s Tribal Council, let’s hear from Amanda (I think it’s Amanda. Eight weeks in and I’m just now able to keep Amanda and Danielle straight. And Candace and Courtney).
Insightful stuff there, Amanda; really eye-opening.
So Coach claims to have survived an a choose your own adventure of dangerous predicaments in exotic locations, facing down vicious natives and brutal conditions with only his cunning (and tai chi) to protect him. Unfortunately, for Coach, here on Survivor: All-Stars he encountered the ultimate threat in the form of Russell Hantz. And no amount of tall tales of enduring against insurmountable odds could save Coach this time. And, really, he can boast all he wants about loyalty and cowardice, but he has no one to blame but himself. He refused to vote for Russell two weeks ago and then decried the result when Boston Rob was eliminated. And with his mancrush out of the picture he decided to take on the leadership role, and in doing so sent up the “varsity” team in the bowling reward challenge, because he so desperately wanted to win the bounty of a smorgasbord of (cold) pizzas.
Filed under Century 21 Reality, Tribal Council
‘Survivor’: All-Stars???
Last night’s Survivor felt more like a blooper reel clip show that should air as filler before the final episode, because it was teeming with just sloppy, weak, almost buffoonish play, both physically and strategically. Don’t have much time today, so we’re going to make our thoughts quick.
If the high school where Coach heads up the girls soccer team ever needs someone to helm the basketball squad, they would probably be better off looking in another direction.
Colby, stirred on by James’ “Superman in a girdle” comment last week, really turned it on. And wouldn’t let anything (or any middle aged woman) get in his way.
So how to sum up the week?
Well, a strong, strong contender was “Always Be Copping a feel” (Colby, looking in your direction).
Or it could be “Always Be Calling out,” for the awesome way Russell recommended to Rob that they vote out Sandra or Courtney (pointing to the two of them, no more than 3 feet away, and stating “one of these.” Brilliant.)
But no, our A-B-C phrase of the week is brought to us by Coach, who was torn between his mancrush Rob and his commitment to Russell and in the end didn’t choose either side. That’s not being loyal or honorable, not in this game. It’s being meek and afraid. So, for this week, it’s:
Always Be Cowardly
Thanks, Coach!
Filed under Mancrush, Tribal Council
Sorta In Memoriam: Tom Westman (and a brief discourse on celebrities and moral turpitude)
And so begins my long overdue thoughts on Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains. It’s a shame we have to start on such a sour note.
A few weeks ago my mom and I were talking about the Tiger Woods scandal (it was what she came up with after brainstorming topics for dinner conversation) and she asked me if there was some one in the public eye, a role model perhaps, that would really break my heart if they were exposed to be in some kind of scandal or lascivious activity. I told her that as I’ve become an adult I’ve learned to let go of such things, that as a 26 year-old you can’t put another person, especially a public persona, on such a pedestal. She suggested that we should hold these people to a higher moral standard, but I argued just the opposite, that with celebrities – actors, musicians, athletes, politicians – we should expect less adherence to a moral code. These are people who are told they are great, they are special, and thus think they are exempt from common behavior, that they are above the law, both legally and morally. Now there are, of course, exceptions, but too often their celebrity status goes to their heads, and they think the rules don’t apply to them. And the bigger they are, the harder they fall, and the less we should be surprised when they do. Sad but true. So to answer my mother’s question, there was no one I could think of whom I believed in so deeply that any discovery of indiscretion would be utterly soul crushing (unless it was revealed that Tom Hanks has cheated on Rita Wilson with a harem of Golden Corral buffet attendants, but I can think of almost nothing less likely).
However, a couple nights later I sat down to dig into the premiere of Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains and I realized that I was mistaken. There remained at least one person I felt that strongly about, whom I believed to be nearly infallible, with whom I couldn’t fault and would be shocked to learn of one. And that man is former Brooklyn firefighter Tom Westman. Yes, as a fellow Long Islander I’m biased. But the way he so thoroughly dominated Survivor: Palau is really unparalleled in the show’s history, and he did so by a mixture of uncanny physical prowess and the utmost integrity. In my eyes he played a flawless game, and perhaps became the last role model standing.
Filed under Century 21 Reality, Freak Out Control, In Memoriam, Local Flavor, Mancrush, Tribal Council
Jumped The Snark 