So close you don’t even need to read lips.
Monthly Archives: March 2011
Parting Shot: Through the Looking Glass
Filed under Local Flavor, Matt Christopher Books, Parting Shot
Happy 311 Day!
It’s a special 311 Day this year, as it’s 3.11.11, which is very 11. It only comes around once a century, so make sure you make it a good one!
And, boy, do we have a treat for you this 311 Day: A performance of “All Mixed Up” at Springfield, Missouri’s famed Shrine Mosque. 311 have finally hit the big time. Congrats, dudes!
And if you’re in the NYC area take a moment to call 311 and thank them for fielding your housing complaints and reports of disreputable cab drivers. We know they’ll appreciate it.
Filed under Count Bleh, Lady Holiday, Tyranasaurus Sex
‘Survivor: Redemption Island’ : The Dominoes Fall (Director’s Cut)
Imagine waking up in a beautiful seaside location, the crashing waves slowly lulling you out of your slumber, the faraway echoes of exotic birds gently coaxing you out of dreamland, a warm, refreshing breeze serving as nature’s alarm clock. And then imagine waking up after nine hungry days in a hot, humid, bug-infested jungle and the first thing you see is Phillip’s nasty, tattered, ill-fitting, sun-faded red underwear. Because that’s exactly the waking nightmare for the members of the Ometepe tribe as we begin this week’s Survivor: Redemption Island. Any momentum they had after defeating Zapatera last week is immediately erased by the actual sight of Phillip’s junk escaping from his delicates, forcing the Survivor editing team to employ their best blurring skills. But, to Phillip’s credit, he seems entirely comfortable just flapping in the wind. And completely oblivious. But since we’re watching this from the safety of our couch (and, thankfully, with the strategically placed blurs intact) we’re not complaining, because, besides Russell, Phillip is the most entertaining player on the show.
Speaking of Boobs: More Words We Never Wanted to Hear From Kathie Lee
And we thought this was creepy.
Well, with our 2nd breast-themed item of the night, we’re one step away from becoming full-fledged flesh peddlers. Watch your back, all of the Internet’s soft-core porn websites!
Filed under Good with Coffee, It's gross., Today in Today
Gratuitous Search Term Bait of the Day: Really Gratuitious Search Term Bait of the Day
This (semi) daily feature is explicitly designed to give the people what they want, to basically sell-out to catch a few new readers. But today’s post goes beyond our usual pandering, basically equating this blog to your typical trashy, exploitative rag. But, hey, turns out we’re not above that (or this).
Nearly all of today’s search terms referenced Survivor: Redemption Island. But instead of giving you another Phillip-centric post (which you will get later), we’re going to go with another term. Quite simply: “survivor kristina boobs.” Let’s be honest, this is pretty much the reason the Internet exists.
You’re welcome, America.
Did ‘SNL’ Rip-Off Jumped the Snark?
Wellllll, no, not really. But it’s really curious that no less than a month ago we posted a video of Taboo, the fifth member of the Black Eyed Peas, visiting the 4th hour of Today and then this past weekend SNL presented a sketch called “Our Time With Taboo and apl.de.ap.” Sure, we hadn’t written any sketch featuring the weird, pale, vaguely Asian, definitely creepy Taboo. And we’ve completely ignored apl.de.ap (wouldn’t even have been able to name him. He’s just be “the one that’s not will.i.am”). But the fact of that matter is that a few weeks ago we were pointing out this somewhat obscure, bizarre pop culture figure, bringing him to the masses, and now he’s the subject of a sketch on Saturday Night Live. First Mark McGrath and Don’t Forget the Lyrics and now this. Where’s the justice? Where’s the honor? So this question is this: Saturday Night Live, have you been reading our diary?
Vodpod videos no longer available.Filed under Makes You Think, Rip-off, Saturday Night Live
‘Survivor: Redemption Island’: Russell’s Razor (Director’s Cut)
Over the last couple years we’ve become ardent devotees to the concept of “Occam’s Razor,” the tenet that the “simplest explanation is most likely the correct one.” There’s a similar paradigm that works itself into any season of Survivor, but focuses less on the simplest explanation and more on the theory that players will make their moves based on the belief that the other competitors will make the correct, smartest decisions. Unfortunately, as the show as often proved, playing that way does not always lead to the best results. And we saw an example of this again last night.
But more on that later. First, (as teased last week) Matt arrives on Redemption Island and Francesca is shocked (shocked!) it wasn’t Phillip who was voted out by the Ometepe tribe earlier in the night. He had no allies, posed no threat, and basically begged for mercy, so why would Ometepe (and its leader, Boston Rob) want to keep him around? Oh, yeah, for those very reasons. Phillip may be a loose cannon, intolerable, and borderline bipolar, but right now, as Rob says, he’s a loyal solider. Plus, he’s endlessly entertaining. Back at Ometepe camp Rob breaks down the alliance, explicitly telling Phil that he’s the fifth person on a five-person alliance and Phil is basically responds “Cool! Just happy to be here! Thanks, Rob!” And then they seal Phil’s blind allegiance with a first bump, which in the three federal agencies that Phil used to serve in is tantamount to swearing on one’s parents’ graves.
Filed under Analysis, Century 21 Reality, Huh?, It's gross., Top Scallop, Tribal Council
This Is What a Teenage Starlet on ‘SNL’ Looks Like
Miley Cyrus came by SNL this week and, despite generally positive reviews, we still found it pretty average. Nothing egregious about it, nothing particularly horrible, but really nothing to write home about. And the feedback for Cyrus was mostly polite, praiseworthy even, commending her for at the very least not embarrassing herself, at the best acquitting herself remarkably well. But we really weren’t surprised by that. It’s no fluke that she was a star of a hit cable show and a pop music phenomenon. She’s got talent. Sure, she might have headlined a terrible, cloying cable show for Tweens, and she might perform grating, insipid kidz bop, but she’s been tremendously successful at it, and there’s really no denying that she has some kind of talent. So by all rites she should have been fine on SNL. And she was. And she parodied her image, parodied Justin Bieber, parodied Fergie, all to perfectly okay results. But nothing transcendent. Nothing special. Nothing that resonated like a sketch from a few years ago that featured an at the time teenage superstar. Lindsay, show Miley how it’s done:
Vodpod videos no longer available.Sure, Miley had fun. She sang and danced. She even impersonated Lohan. But, unlike Lohan, none of Cyrus’ sketches will be remembered in five years.
Oh, and Jason Sudeikis reprised his Satan on “Weekend Update” and it was pretty cool. The dude can do no wrong (Sudeikis, not the Devil).
Filed under Analysis, Saturday Night Live
Gratuitous Search Term Bait of the Day: Go Fisch
Pleased and a little puzzled by today’s search term “”jenna fischer.”” Pleased because we think she’s just terrific, the modern-day Kelly Kapowski. And puzzled because the term appears with the quotation marks (hence the extra set above). We guess those out there in web-land just wanted to make sure they didn’t wind up with Jenna Elfman or Carrie Fischer. Fortunately, on this blog that’s very unlikely (well, much more likely now).
We’ve sung Fischer’s praises for years for her portrayal of the loveable, dorky Pam Beesley on The Office. And we’re thrilled that she’s gotten her first big movie role , as Owen Wilson’s understanding spouse in Hall Pass (unless you count her part in Walk Hard. Which we’re not). But tonight we’re going to highlight one of her lesser known early performances, one that significantly enhanced her position on the Judd Apatow Chart. We’re talking about her somewhat scandalous turn on Apatow’s Undeclared, a saucier side of Fischer we’re not used to seeing:
And while that was her most memorable appearance on the show it wasn’t her first, as she actually appears briefly in the pilot episode. Talk about starting off on the right foot.
One time about five years ago our friend texted us “Jenna Fischer on Undeclared. Ha.” To this day it’s still one of our most cherished texts.
A Boomer & Carton Gigglefest to Pull You Out of the Monday Morning Duldrums
Got a case of the Mondays? Well, you’re in luck, because we saved this clip from last week’s Boomer & Carton in the Morning (on the flagship station for NY sports WFAN) just for that scenario. Uncontrollable Boomer Esiason laughter is quickly becoming one of our favorite things, and he comes through with another giggle fit in response to Craig Carton’s two-minute run of Suzyn Waldman impressions (Waldman, as you probably don’t know, is a radio commentator for the Yankees). A truly impressive one-man performance from Carton.
(and we do apologize for the glare)
Filed under Good Humor, Marconi & Cheese, Matt Christopher Books
Jumped The Snark 