He miggles!
Normally the purveyor of gravitas, presenting a stoic, dignified disposition in the face of all that is immoral and unethical (and least when he’s not on Regis & Kelly), Anderson Cooper proved that he’s not above a good poop joke. Well, he’s not above breaking into uncontrollable laughter at a terrible poop joke.
Filed under Count Bleh, It's gross., Mancrush
Your new star of CSI!
And here, exclusively on Jumped The Snark, is a sneak peek of his upcoming debut:
Lawrence who???
[footage courtesy of wexlerglazer]
Can you spot which one of these blond bombshells is a Grammy winning songstress, which one is a deceased female professional wrestler, and which one is a character named Hatchet Face from a John Waters film? Tough, isn’t it???
If you said “I don’t know, I can’t tell them apart,” you’d be right!
Seriously, is there not one person around to tell her that this is not a good look?! Blake? Cee-Lo? Carson??? ANYONE?
Shouldn’t you be in Italy crashing a Fiat into a police car?
Also, the V-Room? We thought Twitter would stop being cool when our dad joined it, but you beat him to the punch. Fuck you, V-Room.
(btw, we’re really enjoying The Voice!)
Filed under Century 21 Reality, Huh?, It's gross., Look-Alikes, Tyranasaurus Sex
For things exactly like this:
And Jimmy started off the episode so strong, borrowing “The Word” from Stephen Colbert’s playbook (their rivalry/friendship, btw, has to be one of the best ongoing storylines on all of television right now. Including Dexter (which, we admit, we’ve never seen)). Kiss your mother (or wife) with that mouth?
Alternate joke: if Jimmy wasn’t drunk after playing white wine pong, he most certainly was after that. A quick peck from Kathie Lee alone is enough to exceed most breathalyzer tests. A prolonged smooch like that, Jimmy must have been well beyond the legal limit.
Filed under It's gross., Rip-off, Talkies, Today in Today
Well, sorta. We’re pretty sure that Anthony Weiner and Marc Weiner are different people, but if Tony is half as creepy and unsettling as Marc, then he’s definitely guilty of a sending a cross-country junk text.
HOW DID THIS NOT GIVE EVERYONE EVER NIGHTMARES?
Still hard to believe that Weinerville was a show that aired on Nickelodeon afternoons and not, in fact, an orgy-filled porn.
Filed under It's gross., Nicktoons, Weigh-in
How about this? We’ll give you $50 and Taboo vanishes forever? $30 and will.i.am only appears on one episode of the next American Idol? Okay, $25 and ap.le.de.ap disappears for a good six months. Final offer.
We sincerely apologize for the absence of Redemption Island recaps the last month; Gawker.TV ceased publishing weekly recaps and our day job has been monopolizing our time. But, with the finale airing tonight night, we felt it was our responsibility (and our pleasure) to give some thoughts on what’s transpired since our last recap and what is still to come.
Before we delve into the eliminations, duels, blindsides and bonehead moves of the past month, it’s come to our attention that we’ve been going easy on Matt and his love of Jesus. So, to right that wrong, we’re going to go ahead and dedicate the first part this post to Matt and his savior.
“Are you there, God? It’s me, Matt. Why have you abandoned me?”
“Because, Matt, I don’t care about reality television. I’m the almighty creator, and I have infinitely more important things to do than interfere with or preordain some reality show competition. And if I were to get involved with any of these shows, it wouldn’t be Survivor, hands down it’d be Top Chef, because a) I fancy myself as a bit of a foodie and b) have you seen the rack on Padma? One of my finest creations.”
“Oh, so that one set of footprints. That wasn’t you carrying me on your back?”
“Nope, no way. All you, buddy.”
“Shit.”
It was a long, long winter, and a long six weeks spring training. But luckily for us we didn’t have to endure the disgusting, far too personal musing of George Brett while we prepared for the new baseball season. Cause, let’s be honest, that guy is gross. And we’re pretty certain he should steer clear of steak dinners at Kokomo’s for a while.
So Happy New Baseball Season! May your team win any game in which they don’t play the Mets! (unless your team features one or more awful human beings, in which case we’re indifferent)
Oh, and if you just can’t get enough of Brett, The Remix.
We now return to your regularly scheduled pop-culture focused snark.
Filed under It's gross., Lady Holiday, Matt Christopher Books
So this week we entered the post-Russell Hantz era. And for those of you who complained that Russell was a sneaky, nefarious player who only made it to the finals because he had no chance to win, and that his dominance was a product of editing, and that he was a bore and boorish, well, do you miss him now? Because, say what you want about the guy, there’s no denying that he made things interesting. Which is perhaps something you can’t say about last night’s Survivor
Keep reading: Phillips say the darndest things. Plus: Tetris! Rubix Cubes! A giant maze!
Filed under Century 21 Reality, Growing Pains, It's gross., Tribal Council
Imagine waking up in a beautiful seaside location, the crashing waves slowly lulling you out of your slumber, the faraway echoes of exotic birds gently coaxing you out of dreamland, a warm, refreshing breeze serving as nature’s alarm clock. And then imagine waking up after nine hungry days in a hot, humid, bug-infested jungle and the first thing you see is Phillip’s nasty, tattered, ill-fitting, sun-faded red underwear. Because that’s exactly the waking nightmare for the members of the Ometepe tribe as we begin this week’s Survivor: Redemption Island. Any momentum they had after defeating Zapatera last week is immediately erased by the actual sight of Phillip’s junk escaping from his delicates, forcing the Survivor editing team to employ their best blurring skills. But, to Phillip’s credit, he seems entirely comfortable just flapping in the wind. And completely oblivious. But since we’re watching this from the safety of our couch (and, thankfully, with the strategically placed blurs intact) we’re not complaining, because, besides Russell, Phillip is the most entertaining player on the show.
Jumped The Snark 