Imagine waking up in a beautiful seaside location, the crashing waves slowly lulling you out of your slumber, the faraway echoes of exotic birds gently coaxing you out of dreamland, a warm, refreshing breeze serving as nature’s alarm clock. And then imagine waking up after nine hungry days in a hot, humid, bug-infested jungle and the first thing you see is Phillip’s nasty, tattered, ill-fitting, sun-faded red underwear. Because that’s exactly the waking nightmare for the members of the Ometepe tribe as we begin this week’s Survivor: Redemption Island. Any momentum they had after defeating Zapatera last week is immediately erased by the actual sight of Phillip’s junk escaping from his delicates, forcing the Survivor editing team to employ their best blurring skills. But, to Phillip’s credit, he seems entirely comfortable just flapping in the wind. And completely oblivious. But since we’re watching this from the safety of our couch (and, thankfully, with the strategically placed blurs intact) we’re not complaining, because, besides Russell, Phillip is the most entertaining player on the show.
Category Archives: Tribal Council
Gratuitous Search Term Bait of the Day: Really Gratuitious Search Term Bait of the Day
This (semi) daily feature is explicitly designed to give the people what they want, to basically sell-out to catch a few new readers. But today’s post goes beyond our usual pandering, basically equating this blog to your typical trashy, exploitative rag. But, hey, turns out we’re not above that (or this).
Nearly all of today’s search terms referenced Survivor: Redemption Island. But instead of giving you another Phillip-centric post (which you will get later), we’re going to go with another term. Quite simply: “survivor kristina boobs.” Let’s be honest, this is pretty much the reason the Internet exists.
You’re welcome, America.
‘Survivor: Redemption Island’: Russell’s Razor (Director’s Cut)
Over the last couple years we’ve become ardent devotees to the concept of “Occam’s Razor,” the tenet that the “simplest explanation is most likely the correct one.” There’s a similar paradigm that works itself into any season of Survivor, but focuses less on the simplest explanation and more on the theory that players will make their moves based on the belief that the other competitors will make the correct, smartest decisions. Unfortunately, as the show as often proved, playing that way does not always lead to the best results. And we saw an example of this again last night.
But more on that later. First, (as teased last week) Matt arrives on Redemption Island and Francesca is shocked (shocked!) it wasn’t Phillip who was voted out by the Ometepe tribe earlier in the night. He had no allies, posed no threat, and basically begged for mercy, so why would Ometepe (and its leader, Boston Rob) want to keep him around? Oh, yeah, for those very reasons. Phillip may be a loose cannon, intolerable, and borderline bipolar, but right now, as Rob says, he’s a loyal solider. Plus, he’s endlessly entertaining. Back at Ometepe camp Rob breaks down the alliance, explicitly telling Phil that he’s the fifth person on a five-person alliance and Phil is basically responds “Cool! Just happy to be here! Thanks, Rob!” And then they seal Phil’s blind allegiance with a first bump, which in the three federal agencies that Phil used to serve in is tantamount to swearing on one’s parents’ graves.
Filed under Analysis, Century 21 Reality, Huh?, It's gross., Top Scallop, Tribal Council
Gratuitous Search Term Bait of the Day: You Look Wonderful Tonight
In just two short weeks Survivor competitor Phillip has already become a legend on this blog, taking his spot in the Jumped the Snark Hall of Fame with Tom Westman, Rashida Jones, Jason Sudeikis, Anderson Cooper, Guy Fieri, Jimmy Fallon and Tom Hanks. So it’s no surprise that one of our top search terms today was “survivor phillip.”
We talked about Phillip at length in last week’s Survivor recap and posted the clip of what will probably be his signature Survivor moment – hunting a crab with a spear clad only in his cherry red skivvies – but here’s a very quick moment of Phillip at his creepy, confident best (and a gratuitous cleavage shot) from later in that show. We weren’t able to include it the first time around, but we’re pleased to bring it to you now. Thanks for the second chance, everyone! Redemption all around.
Filed under Count Bleh, Gratuitous Search Term Bait, Tribal Council
‘Survivor: Redemption Island’: I’m Good Enough, I’m Smart Enough, and Doggone It, People Like Me (Director’s Cut)
We started this week’s episode of Survivor: Redemption Island with our first glimpse of, well, Redemption Island. After being voted at the first Tribal Council, Francesca arrived at her new home and quickly found a signpost describing life on the island, “Welcome to Redemption Island: No Smoking, No Yelling, No Swearing; Daily Menu: Breakfast – Rice; Lunch – Rice, Dinner – Rice.” Francesca can’t find a flint, so she’s worried about freezing during night, but really she’s just happy to be away from Former Federal Agent (?) Phillip.
Filed under Analysis, Century 21 Reality, Good Humor, The Worst, Tribal Council
Gratuitous Search Term Bait of the Day: Two Wisemen (Including One Westman)
In an effort to continue with this week’s Saved by the Bell theme for our Gratuitous Search Term Bait, we’re going to put a new twist on a classic, that being “tom westman.” As Survivor‘s elder statesmen, Westman was a strong, reliable father figure, a role model for the younger contestants. He conducted himself with dignity and honor, showing respect and compassion for others. Just playing the game the right right way. And the guy looked pretty damn good in a beard. Which reminds us of someone from Saved by the Bell. No, not Mr. Belding. But Mr. Derek Morris, as played by the terrific John Sanderford. Here he is, like Westman in a salt and pepper beard, in his standout Saved by the Bell moment, educating Zack on the dangers of drunk driving, doling out equal parts wisdom and love. We’re just going to stand back for a moment and let Sanderford’s work speak for itself.
Do they give belated Emmy’s for “Guest Actor on a Saturday Morning Sitcom?” Because they should. For this.
We Solve the Mystery of ‘Survivor’ Phillip’s Hurrah; Is This the Key to His Federal Agent (?) Past???
When we heard Former Federal Agent (?) Phillip release a deep, guttural, primitive grunt (twice) during the Survivor: Redemption Island premiere we couldn’t shake the feeling that we had heard that noise somewhere before.
(Also, we really have no idea what he’s talking about here. Something about male lions sniffing each other and dancing. Is he divulging a crush on Boston Rob?)
But then it dawned on us.
NHL 93. A body check. SFX #2.
Does this mean that when Phillip informed his tribe that he was a former federal agent for three government agencies one of those organizations was EA Sports? Was Phillip, in fact, part of a deep covert operation to provide the sound effects for the greatest sports video game in the history of video games? Have we uncovered Phillip’s classified resume?
YOU MAKE THE CALL
Sure seems like it.
HURRAH! AWOOGA!
‘Survivor: Redemption Island’ Premiere: Amateur Hour (Director’s Cut)
This season we’ll be taking our ‘Survivor’ recapping talents to Gawker TV. However, we’re going to also offer expanded, “Director’s Cut” recaps on this blog. So here we go. Day One.
The challenge for Survivor: Redemption Island is going to be keeping us interested in anyone not named Boston Rob or Russell Hantz. Our fear going into the premiere was that the presence of these veterans would overshadow the new Survivors. However, for one episode at least, we got just enough Boston Rob and Russell while also introducing some intriguing new cast members. We’re not entirely convinced that there are any personalities that can match up to the two masterminds, but judging from an explosive, unbelievable, train wreck of a first Tribal Council, we’re in for a season of crackpots and fireworks.
But, before we get there: helicopters! And Probst just enjoying the feel of the cool Nicaragua air hitting his face.
TONIGHT: Russell vs. Boston Rob Round 2 (Oh, and the Premiere of ‘Survivor: Redemption Island’)
February 16th is finally here and tonight is closing in fast. Which means that, after literally weeks of anticipation, Survivor: Redemption Island premieres this evening. But, more importantly, that means the epic, long-awaited, dream come true, clash of the titans showdown between Russell Hantz and Boston Rob is nearly upon us.
When their return was announced a few weeks back we quickly voiced our initial skepticism. And in the intervening time our feelings haven’t really changed. We’re still extremely hesitant about this twist, bringing Rob back for his fourth go ’round and Russell for his third attempt in four seasons, because their personal battle genuinely threatens to be bigger than the game, and we’re nervous about what it means for future seasons. The initial returns could be astronomical, but we could be trading long-term satisfaction for immediate gratification.
But it’s hard to watch this and not get excited. We’re excited.
More: Early predictions that may surprise you. And Jeff Probst teases the future!
Russell vs. Rob: Less Than a Week
Get ready. They are.
Now go over to Entertainment Weekly to witness Russell and Boston Rob’s very first meeting in Nicaragua.
Rob looks scared, doesn’t he? He should be.
Jumped The Snark 