Monthly Archives: June 2012

Two Things That Make No Sense Together: A Visual Representation

We recently received this email from Major League Baseball promoting a special performance by former American Idol finalist Adam Lambert at the MLB Fan Cave, the corner storefront in Greenwich Village where a bunch of super-fans hole up and watch every MLB game (kinda like The Real World, but instead of Puck picking his nose and  putting his fingers in the peanut butter, there’s a dude who swears that Ryan Braun has an STD).

And this got us thinking: what percentage of Major League Baseball fans are also strident Adam Lambert loyalists?  How many people are both excited about the MLB Fan Cave and Lambert’s #CaveConcert?  So we did a little statistical analysis and graphed our results using a Venn diagram.

There you have it.

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Filed under Count Bleh, Matt Christopher Books, MS Paint, Tyranasaurus Sex, Venn Diesel Diagram

The Ultimate Eugene Levy in ‘American Pie’ Showdown – FINALS!

Well, after what could only be described as a bloodbath, a display of violence so grotesque it rivals the Mortal Kombat tournaments, only two Eugene Levys are left standing in our Ultimate Eugene Levy in American Pie Showdown: the old guard, the wily veteran, Jim’s Dad in American Pie, and the new kid on the block, the upper and comer but still older and wiser, Jim’s Dad in American Reunion.  It’s not just a clash of titans, it’s a clash of generations, a clash of millennia.  For over a decade Jim’s Dad in the original American Pie has been known as the preeminent Jim’s Dad in American Pie, but Jim’s Dad in American Reunion is looking to change all that.  Two Jim’s Dads in American Pie will go in, but only one Jim’s Dad in American Pie will come out.

Don’t get any on you.

The finals start…right now!  Vote early and vote often.

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Filed under MS Paint, You Decide

America’s Fastest Growing Quiz Senstation: Depp or Stewart?

Kristen Stewart has long been famous for acting with her hair (both on-screen and just when visiting Regis).  Johnny Depp has also been no slouch when it comes to fondling his follicles, especially during his formative years on 21 Jump Street when the serious story lines and/or laughable dialogue elicited some legitimate hair wringing.  With the recent news that Stewart is the highest paid actress in Hollywood and the equally recent news that Depp has split with his long-time girlfriend (and mother of his children) Vanessa Paradis, it seemed fitting to pair these two mane attractions together in a new quiz game.

And now, we  proudly present, the very first Depp or Stewart?: 

Find out the answer after the jump!

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Filed under Depp or Stewart?, Jump Streets Ahead, Yasmine Bleeth

Today in ‘Today’: Reege is a Zombie

For years now Regis Philbin has been on a path of destruction, an unstoppable wave of violence that not only has counted many victims, but has also been self-directed, from box-cutter wounds to hip replacement.  And today on Today, sitting in for Hoda, Regis admitted that he finally finished the job, doing what God himself couldn’t do.

But, then, if Regis off’d himself how could he be co-hosting the 4th hour, perfunctorily sipping what looked to be a gin-based drink?  Well, there’s only one answer: he’s a zombie.  Why else would he so readily believe in vampires?

Notice the look of shock and horror on Kathie Lee’s face, truly, genuinely unsure if Reege is kidding or officially senile.  We’d be tempted to give KLG points here, if she didn’t conclude that of the two guests it’s Benjamin Walker who plays the title role in Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter based on the length of his legs, and not because between him and Anthony Mackie he’s the only white one.

One thing is for sure, Reege has officially crossed the line from lovable old curmudgeon to Clint Eastwood in Gran Torino.  For the full final hour of Today, it just seemed like Regis was really pissed that all these strangers were on his lawn.

Wednesday Winesday, y’all!

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Filed under God Laughs, Huh?, Reeeeeege, Today in Today

Capital Critters: Experiencing DC Vu on the New York Sports Pages

Last week the New York Yankees headed down to D.C. for an interleague matchup with the Nationals, just a week after the Mets also visited the nation’s capital to take on their division rivals.  Now we’re generally enormous Mets fans, but this year our enthusiasm is even more fervent than usual, with a roster that’s featured thus far an especially young, gritty and fun team, a Mets team we’re proud to watch.  And not only do we watch religiously, we also spend far too much time following Mets beat reporters on Twitter, obsessively checking the Mets blog, and reading articles by local sports columnists.  So with the amount of attention we grant to NY baseball, we couldn’t help but notice some similarities on the city’s back pages when the Mets and Yankees each took a turn against the Nationals.

It’s not out of the ordinary to see two very similar headlines among the city’s big three commuter papers (and sometimes three similar headlines), but those instances usually occur on the same day, when they can point to the rapid speed of overnight journalism as a reason for the doppelgänger.  When you have three hours to turn around a newspaper, and, often, much less time to write and set the back page, it’s not surprising that the Post may print the same or a very similar headline as Newsday (like yesterday, for example) – great journalistic minds think alike – but in the triad above the Newsday super-headline was printed the day after the Daily News‘s “Capital Pains” headline (and after a different but still excruciating Mets loss).  The Post headline, “Capital Gains,” came nearly a week later (after the Yankees handed the Mets three more excruciating losses), so certainly there was plenty of time to see the two prior “Capital” back pages and brainstorm some other DC-related copy.  But, we reckon, in the newspaper world you just can’t turn down a good pun.  And we respect that.

And just because:

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Filed under Local Flavor, Look-Alikes, Matt Christopher Books, MS Paint, Periodically

Today in ‘Today’: Just Drinking Straight Up Gasoline Now

There’s never a day of Today that goes by without something interesting (or absurd) happening, and not a day goes by without a drink or two.  Apparently, they’ve now exhausted more palatable Tuesday Boozeday options and have turned to petroleum.  And it quickly goes to Hoda’s head, as she has a real hard time paying attention to Kathie Lee’s riveting childhood tale.

Ladies, you should know by now that the quickest way to get on The Soup is to ask not to be on The Soup.  

Also, seems like Hoda’s been taking her cues from Survivor: One World’s Kat:

 

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Filed under Today in Today, Tribal Council

Groaning Pains: The Time that Mike Seaver Said He Had a Black Friend

Today we continue our look at some of Growing Pains more memorable – or notorious – moments, especially those bits of dialogue or storylines that surprised (or mildly stunned) us when we rewatched the show as an adult.

One of the episodes of Growing Pains that we remember most from our youth, one that stuck with us all throughout childhood and beyond, is Season One’s “Reputation.”  In this episode Mike Seaver* prepares, fully intends, to cheat on his Civil War exam in Mr. Dewitt‘s history class, writing key dates, names and locations on the soles of his largest pair of sneakers.  But a funny thing happened on the way to the test: he actually learned the answers, and when the time came he didn’t need to take a peek at the bottom of his Reeboks.  He absorbed and retained that information, and in much the same way we absorbed and retained this episode.  It was because of this episode that we’ve known for as long as we can recall that Abraham Lincoln was the 16th President of the United States, and Andrew Johnson took over after Lincoln was assassinated in 1865.  Yes, we’ve always had an aptitude for history, but we feel entirely comfortable crediting Growing Pains with teaching us about this specific and significant event in US history.  And in addition to the lesson this episode provided, we also vividly recalled Mike Seaver’s stirring, high-pitched, plea of innocence to his parents – “I did not cheat!” and Jason Seaver’s surprising but unwavering belief in his son’s word.  If we didn’t already have a father who loved and trusted us, we would have desperately wanted Jason Seaver to serve that role.  And even though we weren’t in the market for a replacement parent, we never forgot or stopped admiring Jason’s unconditional love.

But despite having such a strong connection to this episode, something did take us quite aback when we years later watched the episode on DVD, Mike’s explanation to Ben about the crib-sheet sneakers.

We’re not sure what’s more hard to believe, that they so casually equated a black guy with the basketball team, or that there would actually be a black student in their white, upper-middle class, Long Island suburban paradise (a neighborhood not unlike the one we grew up in).  We’re racking our brains trying to come up with a single black character on the show, and we’re coming up empty (Apparently Growing Pains was the Girls of its day).  But it is the first reaction – the flippant political incorrectness – that really struck us.  We could envision a line like that a few years later on a more provocative show like Married with Children, but it’s not like Growing Pains was ever considered edgy.  But, then again, the TV landscape has changed, and while you can say, do and show more now, you can also say, do and show less.  As the limits of sex and violence and vulgarity have expanded over the last twenty-five years, you can make the argument that the levels of political correctness and racial sensitivity have conversely, almost paradoxically, expanded in kind.  Appomattox Court House, captain of the Dewey High School basketball team, is a perfect example of this.

*We’ve been talking about the New York Mets a lot lately, so it’s worth noting here that the Seavers were named in honor of Baseball Hall of Famer Tom Seaver, who just this past Sunday was named to the Mets All-Time Team as right-handed starting pitcher.  Also named to the team as the all-time lefty starter was Jerry Koosman, which not coincidentally is the surname of the Seaver’s next-door neighbors.

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Filed under Growing Pains, Local Flavor, Makes You Think, Matt Christopher Books