Listen up, subway platform poster vandals. We have no problem with you scrawling your signature “mustache” mustache on Betty White or Angelina Jolie or that girl from Heavy. But you do not, DO NOT, touch Sue Simmons. The woman is a city treasure and should be treated as such.
Speaking of Sue! It just happens to be the biggest Sue Simmons day of the year! Groundhog Day! Which means that it’s time for her famous groundhog impression! We’ll keep an eye out for her 2011 version, but, for now, here’s last year’s:
Say what you want about Gallagher, that he’s a homophobic, racist, sexist, xenophobe, sure, but he’s also a first-rate entertainer. And he can also be immensely entertaining, as we found out in the latest WTF Podcast with Marc Maron. Listen at your own peril.
We’ve admitted to having a soft spot for Gallagher, having vivid memories of watching his stand up specials that were replayed on Vh1 in the early 90s, and, in fact, seeing him live when he played Westbury Music Fair in the late 90s (and he was totally generous about autographing the t-shirt we had our parents buy us). While we certainly don’t agree with his politics, or really any of his views in general, we still think he’s gotten somewhat of a raw deal, at least in terms of the perception of his career. He might be hanging on now, truly a lion in winter, and his act might have gone off the rails, but there’s no denying he was a star for a time, and that few comedians have achieved the degree of success that he did. And, in fact, his most popular bit was his undoing, as the watermelon smashing Sledge-O-Matic routine has unfortunately come to define him (well, maybe until now), obscuring the more creative, cerebral parts of his act.
It’s doubtful we’ll ever witness a full-fledged Gallagher comeback. By now he seems to have lost or screw or two. Or perhaps he was always missing a couple, but their absence just manifested itself in less crazy and bitter ways. But at least we know that if our car ever gets stuck on a bridge that Gallagher has our back.
In the latest Guy Fieri news, it seems that some of the restaurateurs featured on Fieri’s signature Food Network program, Diners, Drives & Dives, have found that life ain’t so grand after the “love, peace and taco grease” man rolls through town. Sure, according to this NY Times article, the complaint is that the restaurants have now become too popular, with regular patrons now being edged out by tourists and “Triple D” enthusiasts, which is a problem all restaurants wish they had. Still, the moral of the story is this: BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR IF WHAT YOU WISH FOR IS GUY FIERI. Also, THE GRASS IS ALWAYS GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE OF GUY FIERI.
The most disturbing revelation in the article, and indeed a legitimate complaint, is that Fieri often concocts his own artery blocking, gut busting, killer combo dishes in these kitchens, giving the impression that these are normal menu items. This was apparently the case at Fairfield, Connecticut’s Super Duper Weenie, where the Frankenstein, “a three-hot-dog, multirelish, cheese-and-condiment monster,” was invented by Fieri for the cameras. Now customers from all across the country, let’s call them “Fieri-heads,” come in requesting the item, only to be dissuaded from the heart attack-in waiting behemoth by the hot dog joint’s owner. There’s nothing worse than being lied to through food. Lesson learned: LOOSE FIERIS SINK SHIPS.
We actually had the good fortune to stop at Super Duper Weenie last spring. In fact, we had been trying to make pilgrimage for many years, well before the tiny restaurant was featured on the show, but found the place closed in our previous attempt. However, all it took to entice us was a billboard along I-95 (and an awesome name). We didn’t need Fieri to tell us to stop on our way to Boston and order a hot dog that doesn’t exist. No, our stomach is our compass. And when we finally made it to Super Duper Weenie, what did we encounter upon our arrival? A long line and the mark of Fieri.
Before we talk out last night’s Top Chef: All-Stars, we need to talk about our feelings regarding Chinatown.
Chinatown is our least favorite part of Manhattan. That is, of course, if you even choose to consider the neighborhood part of Manhattan, which we have trouble doing. We recently had the misfortune of reporting to an office in the heart of Chinatown everyday, and it was a miserable experience (going to Chinatown, not the job). The Grand St. B-D station is our least favorite stop along the New York City subway’s 656 miles of track.1 We’ve long detested the experience of exiting that station, being hit with the foul stench of imported fish, most pungent in the mornings when the seafood is “fresh.” The neighborhood is a visual and olfactory nightmare of rotting fish, fruit with horns, garbage and garbage juice.
A Guy Fieri Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives supercut. Or should we say EXTREME-cut? We should say EXTREME-cut. It’s everything you need to know about Guy Fieri in 1:16:
So having watched that, what do you think? Did we nail it?
And if you were directed to this site after searching for “foot fetish,” we’re sorry to disappoint. But you’re certainly welcome to look around and enjoy our many Muppet posts, which, now that we think about it, might still work for some of you.
Remember what we said about last week being creepy?
Well…
Double yikes.
We’re just wanted to throw up a quick post in preparation for Sunday’s finale, so here are some very quick thoughts, with maybe some more substantial analysis to come tomorrow.
Allllllllllright, alright, the penultimate episode of Survivor: Nicaragua is nearly here, so let’s quickly look back at last week’s show.
First off, Benry proved to us, once and for all, that he’s a douche. Completely against our better judgement, we’ve been developing an affinity for Benry over the last few weeks, mostly because he was aligned with our current favorite Fabio, as well as with Dan, who’s won us over despite being physically incapacitated. Also, compared to the sorry group of players left in stock – Sash, Jane, Holly, Chase – Benry looked great by comparison. The lesser of several evils. However, by so easily agreeing to sell out Fabio for his own advancement (in a move that would have only gotten him one, maybe two Tribal Councils further), Benry proved who he really is. A club promoter. Yes, he was honest about that from the start, so shame on us for even giving him the benefit of the doubt. But, to reiterate: DOUCHE.
Jumped The Snark 