TV might as well have been broken from December 1 to January 4th, because without Regis it was just about dead to me. But after his month-long absence following hip surgery the king of mid-morning made his triumphant return to Live!, to the tune of the Rocky theme no less. They might have his replaced his hip, but let’s hope they didn’t fix his eyes or brain or make him self-aware. Because a sensible, alert, calm, inside-voice Regis is no Regis at all. Unless he’s dangerously unhinged, it’s not Reege.
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You can replace hips. You can replace hearts. But you can’t replace crazy.
Last week the Regis Philbin runaway train barreled through Meryl Streep, nearly sending her into cardiac arrest when Reege mistakenly informed Streep that her daughter had broken her leg (Just a little error reading the cue card. NBD. She’s only the daughter of Oscar Royalty. Relaaaaax).
Now Reege has once again turned the knife onto himself, as he’ll undergo hip replacement surgery on December 1, followed by a four to six-week recovery and absence from Live!
And now I feel kinda bad. Like it was our constant warnings that Reege is a loose cannon and is a danger to himself and others that caused the need surgery. Can’t help but feel somewhat responsible.
Plus, it’s boring without Reege. Now I’ll have no reason to tune into the show. Unless, of course, Anderson Cooper guest hosts, because that guy goes Eddie Murphy Raw when he’s freed from the shackles of prime time cable news into the anything goes of world of syndicated morning television. No other CNN personality with evidently limited knowledge of popular culture can eviscerate the Lohan family like Anderson Cooper.
Yesterday I turned the TV tuner to Live! with Regis and Kelly specifically to see if Regis would say something ridiculous within one minute. Well, he didn’t disappoint.
A few weeks back Regis gave us a very detailed account of his painful battle with kidney stones many years ago, a fight that he thankfully won just before surgery. On Monday’s show Regis and Kelly welcomed Meryl Streep to the stools and this time Regis decided to stop inflicting pain on himself and turn the cross-hairs on his guest instead. In a smooth segue, Regis informs Streep that her daughter has broken her leg, nearly giving the Oscar Queen a heart attack as this was news to her. In fact, it was news to everyone because ol’ Reege just completely butchered the cue card, which actually said that Streep’s daughter “just got her big break.” Just broke her leg, just got her big break, whatever, same thing.
(forward to 2:15 to see the incident)
You really can tell that Kelly is embarrassed, and these days she has to be feeling more like a handler than a co-host. Let’s face it, the guy ‘s a loose cannon, and he’s going to do some real damage one day.
What makes this extra amazing is that apparently this whole time Regis has been so clueless about names and facts and words and he’s actually been reading cue cards. Who knows what kind of bad news he would have delivered to Streep if he was left completely to his own devices. Swine Flu? SARS? Black Lung? Imbalance of bodily humors?
Once upon a time when I had a job I’d tune into Live! with Regis and Kellyevery morning while I got ready for my big day at the office. I’d only get to catch the first ten minutes or so, but it was often the highlight of my day. If there’s one part of Live! to take in it’s the first act banter. Unfortunately, I had to stop watching because I was leaving the house later and later every day.
Lately my schedule is all over the place and I haven’t seen the show in months. However, yesterday, just by sheer luck (as I got ready for a morning Wii Fit session) I turned on the TV and there were Regis and Kelly, two old friends, a sight for sore eyes. And fate was smiling on me because they were just having their daily chat over coffee. Basically you can turn into any episode around this time and hear Regis say something ridiculous, and this was no exception. However, I think this particular show was a little special, as Reege regaled us with a decades old story of the time he had kidney stones. What makes this even more amazing is that while Regis cannot remember who is co-host is, he does recall useless details like the name of his male nurse (Jose. Okay, maybe he made that up).
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He might screw up the name of every guest and point to his chest when referring to his kidneys, but Regis is still the King of Early Morning.
Jumped The Snark 