‘Saved by the Bell’ Season 4!

Season 4, as per the DVDs.  Basically a lot of episodes that are square pegs in round holes, but arguably some of the show’s best.  Certainly several of our favorites.  Here we go, guys!

3:42pm, Season 4, Disc 1, Episode 1: “SAT’s”

01:41: The SAT’s episode!

01:55: Probably the most frequent nugget of Saved by the Bell trivia is “What was Zack’s SAT score?”

2:25: Kelly, no talking!  That’s cheating!

02:35: I don’t think they had any trains traveling in opposite directions word problems on the SATs.  This episode is just riddled with inaccuracies.

02:40: Ladies and gentleman, Mrs. Ben Stiller, Christine Taylor!

03:20: “Several Weeks Later” As far as we can recall the only time-dash in any Saved by the Bell (in the trademark pink font, of course).  It’s kind of hilarious that they couldn’t even ascribe a specific amount of time to the jump and just went with the vague “several weeks.”  Finding out how long it actually takes to receive SAT scores would be wayyyy to much work.

03:25: What do you think happened in the intervening weeks?  Is that when Zack and Kelly broke up?  What a tumultuous “several” weeks!

04:50: Here come the scores!  Ouch.  1100, 1050.  What a couple of dummies!

05:15: 1502!  That’s an impossible score!

05:25: Oh, and Screech, Zack did not beat Doogie Howser.  Everyone knows he got a perfect score. It’s right in the opening credits.

05:45: Actually, Kelly, the SATs don’t measure how smart you are.  That’s an IQ test.

06:00: 1205, Jessie?  Not only is that score also impossible, but it’s embarrassing.  You IDIOT.

09:00:  “Oh, dear, 1205…I’m sorry to hear that.  Well, no use wasting any more of my time or yours.  The community colleges are over there.  Good luck, dummy!” – Stansbury recruiter.

09:50: How come they mention a real college like UCLA, but then make up Stansbury as an obvious surrogate for Stanford?

10:00: And because of that I’m pretty sure I thought Stansbury was a real, Ivy League caliber college for a long time.

11:05: “But you got a 1050!  You’re borderline retarded!”

11:20: Actually, AC, if she offered you a car you’d be deemed ineligible for NCAA football.  Sounds like a trick!  She must really be from Princetown University!

12:50: Zack, it was every boy’s dream to have Kelly Kapowski show up at his bedroom door unannounced.  Don’t turn her away!

13:40: Heather has a boyfriend?! Way to do your research, Zack.  1502, pshhh.

14:50: I don’t know, Zack, I reckon James’ greatest role ever would be something like Hamlet or Al Capone, or any kind of paying gig in an actual play or TV show or movie.  Not impersonating a college recruiter at a local high school.

16:00: Oh, so they name Harvard, but not Stamford?  Why not Harverton?

18:16: This woman from Stansbury is a real idiot if she believed that Harvard act.  Wonder what her SAT score was.  Probably like 17.

18:50: Wooo, go Jessie!  You tell them!

18:55: Slater, don’t throw away your scholarship!

19:05: Um, Mr. Belding, don’t you recognize that’s not a rep from the SAT board.  It’s “Zack’s dad.”  Guess that terribly fake beard is really effective.

20:50: Uh oh!  I think Mark-Paul is breaking!  Even the true professionals are no match for really good beard comedy.

21:30: For the last time, you cannot score a 1502.  What, did every writer on this show go to Stansbury?

4:12pm, Episode 2: “Palm Springs Weekend, Part 1”

00:38: Woohoo!  Palm Springs, baby!

01:08: These episodes were a nice change of pace.  More fun to us now than the beach episodes.

01:15: Weird that the episode is titled “Palm Springs” but Zack calls it “Desert Springs.”  Also, is Desert Springs an oxymoron?

02:35: We could be wrong, but we think this is the first interior scene shot on location, as all the Malibu Sands interiors were done on a set. You can see how much fun they’re having to just get out, just cut loose.

03:30: Wait, did Screech just say “I hear you, blood?”  From his book on how to pick up babes?  Was that Saved by the Bell‘s first overt gang reference?

04:20: Still really confused/startled by that “blood” comment.

04:40: Time to aerobicize!

05:50: Still don’t understand why people just couldn’t wear, like, sweatpants to work out.  What doctor said wearing pink spandex was best for walking at a moderate pace on a treadmill?

09:00: Classic Zack Morris phosphorescent green blazer. And matching oily tie!

10:20: Man, Jessie’s dad does seem kind of like a sleazeball.  I think human resources should be informed of his hiring practices.

10:45: Nothing sounds more romantic than a late afternoon boat ride inside a hotel.

12:30: “It’s amazing, he just keeps getting worse every year.” – Slater re: Screech.  Could also be said about Homer Simpson.  Makes you think.

13:35: Interesting that they created a fictional European country for Christina, much the same way they made up Stansbury.  Guess they wanted to avoid an international incident.

14:10: Zack and Kelly.  Together again.  Kelly massaging Zack’s shoulders.  Zack giving her his phosphorescent green jacket.  JUST MAKE OUT.

14:40: They really played with our emotions there, and throughout this two-parter.  It was really rotten on their part.

17:11: Yes, you two DO still make a good team.  JUST MAKE OUT ALREADY!

17:30: To be fair, Desert Springs does seem really nice, and it’s a beautiful day, so I can’t fault Zack and Kelly for getting a little spring fever.

18:35: Nice work by Mario Lopez losing his golf club mid-swing without inuring anyone.  Not as easy as it looks.

20:00: “Honey, you have to start thinking like a frog and acting like Prince Charming.” CLASSIC LISA TURTLE.

20:20: Mr. Spano really needs to be more vigilant about putting on sunblock.  Skin cancer is no joke.

20:45: Warm her up, Zack!  And just make out already!

21:12: Yes!  THEY’RE MAKING OUT!

21:20: We literally waited one season for this.  We know now that it was just a tease, but when we first saw this episode we were so excited we honestly had trouble sleeping that night.

21:30: Ladies and gentlemen, Elizabeth Berkley in fierce bitch mode.  Something we don’t see again until Showgirls.


4:51pm, Episode 3: “Hold Me Tight”

01:00: It was really fucking mean to split up the Palm Springs episodes.  They did that when the episodes originally aired, but there’s no need for that here.

01:30: KKTY Bayside!  It’s really funny that everyone once in a while they make it seems like they run that station all the time.

02:00: Not to sound terrible, but why is everyone on the wrestling team Hispanic?

03:30: Speaking of discrimination, that’s sexual discrimination Coach Sonski, sexist pigism of the worst kind!

03:57: Hmmm, Zack called Screech a “twink.”  Wonder if that was a subversive message, or just a coincidence, a word that has taken on a different meaning after the fact.

06:00: Here’s an example of the deep effect that Saved by the Bell had on me:  Earlier this year I spotted the actor who plays Coach Sonski, Monty Hoffman, on last season’s Curb Your Enthusiasm and I immediately thought to myself “Hmmm, I know that guy…the coach from Saved by the Bell!”  And he was only in like 4 episodes.

08:10: That’s littering, ladies!  Just another example of feminists trying to have their cake and eat it too.

09:30: Hey, a reference to Valley’s Nedik!  Now that’s the attention to canonical details that we appreciate.

10:30: Um, Zack, I don’t think freedom of the press covers trespassing in the girl’s locker room.

12:12: Is Kelly wearing boxers under jorts?

12:50: It’d be great if Slater put Kristy in the cross faced chicken wing.  Or the Or the tombstone piledriver.  Or the Stinger Splash.

13:50: I don’t know Zack.  Kinda think Kristy looks better in a sports bra than that matronly dress.  Just saying.  Those earrings aren’t working either.

16:40: Pretty sure Zack keeps calling Kristy “Krissy.”  Maybe he’s doing it on purpose.  You know, playing hard to get.

19:00: I always wondered why they didn’t broadcast the WWF on the radio.  That would be cool.  High school wrestling would be terrible.

19:30: “This should be a long grueling match.  And it’s over!”

20:25: Fun Fact: Actress Krystee Clark, who plays Kristy, trained for six months with hall of fame wrestler Gorilla Monsoon for her role in this episode.

21:30: And thus began the long love affair between Zack and Kristy.

21:40: And thus ended the long love affair between Zack and Kristy.

5:16pm, Episode 4: “Palm Springs: Part II”

00:31: FINALLY back to Palm Springs!

01:15: Fun Fact: These episodes were shot entirely in front of a green screen.

02:10: Jeez, everyone must have brought a separate suitcase filled with neon spandex workout apparel.

02:30: “You can’t give me popcorn and say no butter!” CLASSIC LISA.

03:15: There is nothing less romantic than working out together.  That’s just our opinion.

06:30: I think Slater is wearing Zack’s jacket.  How cute!

07:00: Oh, Slater, what a tangled web we weave…

07:30: Better question, Leslie: if you thought dinner was canceled, WHAT ARE YOU DOING AT THE RESTAURANT?  And all dressed up too.

08:00: SBTB needed more episodes that take place around a pool.

08:35: Woah!  Screech just told that girl she has a fat ass!  Baby got back!

09:30:  I really hope Zack’s watch is waterproof.

10:00: How many days are in this weekend?

10:15: “You’re caviar and I’m hot dogs.”  CLASSIC SLATER.

10:30: You know, as dumb as this dialogue sounds on-screen, it’s much dumber on the page.

11:40: Case in point: “That was fun, but all that dancing made me thirsty.” “Oh, me too.”

12:30: “You’re a creep!”  CLASSIC CHRISTINA.

12:45: “Shukeets!  Shukeets!”  CLASSIC CHRISTINA.

13:34: Why is Zack checking out that cougar?  Kinda gross, dude.

15:20: I really hope they are missing school for this.

15:30: “If I was Leslie I’d slap you ’til my hand hurt.  Then I’d slap you for making it hurt.”  CLASSIC LISA.  Pretty sure my sister later used that line.

16:15: “Jessie, I will always be your father.  But I will also be a kinda pervy dude who marries women half his age.” – David Spano

17:07: NOOOOO!  Zack and Kelly!  Don’t just be friends.  Be more than friends!

17:15: Jerks.

18:00: And now, modeling the Dick Tracy collection, A.C. Slater:

18:45: I think there’s a pretty good chance that Jessie is back on drugs here.  Just totally irrational druggie behavior.

19:35: Oh no!  Zack has the Drivers’ Ed car on the golf course!  Mr. Tuttle is going to be pissed.

20:15: They probably could have just said “Hey Mr. Spano, could you hold up the wedding like 5 or 10 min.  I mean, you do run this hotel, so it wouldn’t be a big deal at all.  Also, why is the ceremony taking place in the lobby?”

21:15: As usual, Jessie is late to a wedding.  She’ll do this again with Zack and Kelly’s wedding in Vegas.  Get with it, girl!

5:45pm, Episode 5: “No Hope with Dope”

00:10: Here we go!

01:30: Johnny Dakota!!!

02:00: “The Principal’s office?  Oh, it’s one of two rooms in the whole building.  If you find the classroom, you’ve found the other room.”

03:00: Ladies and gentlemen, also modeling the Dick Tracy line, Johnny Dakota:

04:15: “Well, this poorly choreographed and scripted rap has convinced me.  Bayside is the place!”

05:00: Kelly’s dress is totally from the Peggy Bundy collection.

06:00: Kelly, watch out, Johnny’s a dick!

06:10: Kelly, you clearly have a problem choosing men.  First Jeff’ and now Johnny?  Why can’t you see that the perfect guy is right in front of you?!

07:10: I know that right now Johnny seems cool, but he’s not!  TRUST US.

07:45: This is how I found out what the word “roach” means.


09:50: John Belushi died?

10:00: Remember when Jessie did drugs?  She does!  But those weren’t real drugs, Jessie.

10:15: “Sorry, Jessie.  No addicts in the video.  You understand.” – Johnny Dakota

10:36: It was kind of condescending that they thought we wouldn’t notice that the guy who played Scud also played Ox in about 15 episodes.  WE’RE NOT IDIOTS.  We scored a 1502 on our SATs.

10:47: This is also how we learned about cigarettes.

11:30: Boy, that green blazer gets around.

13:30: Party at Johnny Dakota’s?  Totes sketchy!

13:50: Also, this is totally Screech’s house.

14:20: Taking both babes for yourself, Zack?  Dick move.

15:30: She likes Screech!  Sucks for Slater!

16:00: Just really great acting all around, right here.

16:30: “Everyone else besides Kelly: GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE” – Johnny.

17:00: DRUGS?????

17:10: C’mon, Kelly.  C’mmmmmmon. You’re not lame are you???

17:20: But we believed in you, Johnny!

17:30: “Wait, really?  You guys don’t smoke pot?  Really?”

18:00: Can’t believe they went to that party on a school night.

18:20: Zack gives Johnny his jacket back.  NEVER TO BE SEEN AGAIN.

19:00: “There’s no way we could replace the six kids in this commercial!  Where would we find them?  Certainly not in this school.”

20:00: They’re still using Johnny’s director?  He seemed like the biggest addict of all.

20:14: Ladies and gentlmen, the late Brandon Tartikoff.  Seriously, a good dude.  And the reason Saved by the Bell exists.  So without him we couldn’t have spent the last two weeks doing this.

20:30: So Mr. Belding only got his job through nepotism.  That explains a lot.

20:45: A sitcom about a school principal and his students?  Whoa!  Meta!

21:10: Screech in the locker really kills the serious tone of the PSA.

21:45: And, of course, speaking of meta, the elephant in the room is whether or not the exact same thing was going on behind the scenes at Saved by the Bell.  That is, were Mark-Paul Gosselaar and Tiffani Thiessen telling us to just say no to drugs but then using themselves?  If I ran into them at a party in the Hollywood Hills, would they offer me dope?  Would I refuse to do a commercial with them? I wonder.

6:14pm, Episode 6: “Rockumentary”

00:30: Might just be our all-time favorite.

01:20: Second Casey Casem appearance!

01:35: Third(?) Paula Abdul reference!

02:09: Lisa and Kelly look ready to swing from a trapeze.  Or be cut in half.

02:15: First Pope John Paul reference!

03:15: Dropping Jessie from the band was a really good decision.

04:15: “‘Allo!  I’m British!”- Brian Fate, Producer

04:40: “Um, Casey, it’s really creepy that you’ve been standing there this whole time.  Seriously, how did you even get in here?”


05:50: Mario Lopez on the drums!  Drink!

06:00: Green blazer!

06:25: “Did we ever have a chance” is really kind of a sad, depressing song.  I don’t see how it applies to the gang.  Sounds like it really came from a dark place, and I didn’t think Zack Morris possessed that kind of inner sadness.

06:50: This is their first press conference?  They sold millions of records and this is their first press conference??

07:45: Zack.  Totally inappropriate.  Laying it on a little thick with Mindy, aren’t you?

08:30: First appearance of fucking creepy Michael Jackson and Madonna impersonators.

08:45: I can’t believe at some point someone said “Let’s get Michael Jackson and Madonna impersonators for the awards show scene.”  And someone else replied “Oh, totally!”

10:10: I think this party is at Johnny Dakota’s apartment.  I guess he had to sell it to fund his dope habit.

11:10: Why is Lisa designing costumes during a party?

11:20: Bob Mackie?  BOB MACKIE?!?

11:50: Boy, Mindy is really a bitch.



13:15: Wow, Slater, Screech and Kelly’s song is horrible.  Like really bad.

13:20: And are they supposed to be in school still?


13:58: Yeah, Zack’s song is much better.

14:40: The most poorly shot scene in five seasons of Saved by the Bell.

14:50: I’d make a joke about it looking like they just shot this in the actual make-up room, but they obviously shot this in the actual make-up room.


16:25: Second cameo appearance by Martin Short as a nerd!

16:57: Sure, all champion race car drivers display their championship trophies in their unfinished garages.

17:15: Ladies and gentlemen, Vanilla Zack!

17:39: It’s good to see that they had enough good sense to keep the green blazer.

18:00: Mindy is such a bitch.

18:40: If there’s anything we know about Lisa it’s that she’s an excellent athlete.

19:15: “If you don’t get rid a Linda, I’m gonna throw her out the winda.” CLASS LISA.  I think my sister might have used that line as well.

19:30: Mario Lopez does his best acting from a hospital bed.  Really seems to free him up.

19:55: “Friends.  Friends.  Friends.  Friends.”  Jeez, what a cult.

20:15: Oh, so the beginning was the present, and everything else was flashback.  Very clever.

20:45: If all goes well “Friends Forever” will be my wedding song.

20:58: “Ladies and gentlemen, please direct your attention to the dance floor and welcome, for the first time, Mr. and Mrs. Seth Keim, dancing to Zack Attack’s ‘Friend’s Forever.'”

21:45: It’s amazing how well they sell playing their instruments and lip-syncing.  Does require a huge suspension of disbelief at all.

22:20: Just want to emphasize yet again that cutting Jessie from the band was a very wise move.

22:35: OH, NO!  It was all a dream???  This is just like Newhart all over again!

23:00: Looking back we guess it’s okay that Zack was sporting Johnny Dakota’s jacket, cause it was all a dream.  If his subconscious wanted he could have been wearing the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.  Or a Freddy Kruger mask.  Or a green blazer.

2:48pm, Episode 7: “Cut Day”

00:10: Haven’t seen this episode in ages, but if I remember correctly Zack’s hair looks really good in this one.  That is the literally the first thing I thought of when recalling this episode.

01:30: Franklin the Dweeb!  Probably the inspiration for Franklin the puppet.

02:03: Oh, Graham.  This guy was a tool.

02:20: Actually, we were wrong about Zack’s hair.  It may look especially golden, but not particularly good.  It’s kind of comforting we were mistaken about that.

03:40: “This will be the best cut day ever.  First we’ll start at the Max, then…” – Slater.  Wait, wait, you’re going to start your cut day with the diner you literally go to EVERYDAY.  For LUNCH.  DURING SCHOOL.  So basically it’ll just be Friday.

05:30: Oh, I know, I’m thinking of the Season 5 episode “Day of Detention.”  That’s the one where Zack’s hair looks good.

06:48: Wouldn’t they be better off spending their cut day at a burger joint not owned by the school?

07:20: Where did that billiards table come from?

07:50: Have to admit though, Zack is pulling off the Canadian tuxedo look pretty good.

08:00: Meanwhile this is like any other day at The Max for Slater and Kelly, except with more neon shorts.

09:15: Is the actor playing Graham a poor man’s Anthony LaPaglia or a poor man’s Billy Baldwin?

10:30: Slater and Kelly must be really cold.  It’s always freezing in movie theaters, and all they’re wearing are those neon tank tops.

11:00: Why aren’t Slater and Kelly sitting with Lisa and Screech.  They always do that.  Doesn’t sound like “Friends Forever” to me.

11:30:  Really, really not digging this Slater-Kelly romance angle.  No one’s buying it, don’t waste our time.

13:20: Now this Graham-Jessie relationship, that I can get behind.

13:50: Oh, man, I forgot about this beach scene!

13:55: Apparently they went to the beach in 1955.  The one just past Zuma.  On the lookout for Frankie and Annette.

14:00: “Slater, you really are a hot dancer.”  Ew.

14:30: Something we never got to see during the Malibu Sands episodes: Kelly in a bikini.

16:50: Mrs. Culpepper, the blind teacher.  Mrs. Simpson, the deaf teacher, is evidently on leave.  They should rename the school “Bayside High School for Disabled Teachers.”  Can’t wait for the Season 5 episode with Mr. Johansson, the albino biology teacher who can’t smell.

17:50: What happened to Zack’s flip phone???

18:00: Mr. Belding just lets all the other students leave?  That doesn’t sound very principally.

21:00: “Slater???? You’re at the diner we go to literally 2 or 3 times a day????  I didn’t think I’d see you here.” – Jessie

22:30: Slater and Jessie are going to start dating other people.  We didn’t even realize that they were still dating.

03:18pm, Episode 8: Home for Christmas Part 1

01:00: And what makes total sense, a Christmas episode after the cut day episode.  Because everyone knows Senior Cut Day takes place right before the holiday break.

02:30: Fourth MC Hammer reference!

03:15: Just to revisit the hair issue, the sides of Zack’s hair are a lot darker in this episode.

03:45: ASSAULT!

04:00: For some reason I remember Slater wearing an elf costume at the gift wrap desk.  I guess that’s just an example of remembering something the way we want to remember it.

04:45: “I’m Zack Morris.  Ever heard of me?”

05:45: Ha, bathroom humor.

06:30: Wait, the homeless guy’s tip for drying pants with the air dryer is to point it down?  It’s always pointed down.  It’d be better if he offered a tip for drying hair and pointed the air dryer up.  Duh!

08:00: “Wow, a whole three bucks!”

09:40: The purple sweater is a nice look for Zack.  Fits well.  They’re really starting to turn the page from the 80s to the 90s (just on the cusp of 1993).

11:00: Laura must feel really overwhelmed right now.  Especially with Screech all up in her grill like that.

12:15: Ladies and gentlemen, Ricky Schroder.  Sorry, Rick Schroder.

12:40: I can’t believe that Zack and Laura just cut the line for Santa like that.

13:00: I think Laura asked Santa for a threesome.  Just saying.

13:25: Boy, being homeless has a lot of perks.  Laura’s already gotten a free lunch and a gratis photo with Santa.

14:00: Best day of Laura’s life!

14:05: I really, really like Zack’s mom.  You can tell that she’s really a match for Zack. She loves him, but she also doesn’t take any bullshit.

16:30: Everyone in the mall step aside!  Zack and Slater are here!  They’ll take care of this.

17:00: Just make out already!  (CPR)

17:05: Pretty intense few moments there.

18:10: You know, in many ways, Mr. Moody is a lot like Scrooge.  Probably just a coincidence.

19:00: Fun Fact: The kids at this hospital are actual patients from a nearby LA children’s hospital.

20:00: Oh, there’s Slater in an elf costume.  We were right!  Just a little off with the timing.  It feels good to be vindicated.

21:10: “Hey, let’s go visit that homeless guy.” Something just hilarious about that line.

21:30: Hi, Monique!  Bye, Monique!  Great 2 lines!

21:50: Wait a second!  How did Santa Zack make it snow?  More black magic that he learned from Max???

22:52: “Laura never told you about her father.  I am her father.” – homeless guy.  Mind. Blown.


3:44pm, Episode 9: “Home For Christmas Part 2”

00:15: Coming right back with Part 2.  Now that’s how it should be done.  Good work, Saved by the Bell DVD.

01:00: What?  No previously on???

01:15: Oh, okay, here we go.  Thank goodness.  We would have been TOTALLY  lost.

03:15: My roommate is loving this episode.  It’s good to see that it still holds up.

03:50: Why is Zack’s dad out of down right before Christmas?  What is Derek Morris up to?

05:10: “Daddy, we better go.”  C’mon, Laura, where do you have to go? (too soon?)

05:50: Laura’s dad sure got out of the hospital quickly.   I guess he got his drugs and got right out of there (too soon?).

07:00: It’s nice to see Laura out of that pink crop top.

07:45: Did Zack just take a piece of Laura’s muffin?  Not cool, dude.  SHE’S HOMELESS.

08:40: This Mr. Moody is really a character.

09:50: “Laura, Zack would never do anything to hurt you.”  Of course he wouldn’t.  Laura, you should know that.  I mean, you’ve known him for going on two days now.

11:50: Somebody get Mr. Moody a spoon, because he is eating this up.

12:15: How did Laura learn her lines so quickly?  And who was going to play the Ghost of Christmas Present if she couldn’t get off from work.  Eh?????

13:00: Great British accents guys!

13:40: Especially you, Mario Lopez.

14:15: Mr. Moody is LOVING this.

14:40: We do not care for Kelly as an old British hag.

15:45: Bravo!  Bravo!  Now Mr. Moody needs to just sit back and watch the profits roll in.

16:35: “Cops?!”  Yes, Laura.  Cops.  You know, the guys with badges and guns.  Man, you’re dense.

17:45: And now Zack is back to his classic giant gray cell phone.  How about some consistency guys???

18:35: Pick your own Christmas Tree, Mrs. Morris!

19:19: Wow, Zack explained that all really quickly.  Sometimes these scripts need a few more moves in the dialogue.  There are a lot of leaps.  And by “sometimes” we mean all the time.

20:10: Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Moody!

20:30: Bah humbug!

20:40: Let’s be honest for a second, if Kelly didn’t put the jacket on hold Laura totally would have stolen it at some point, right?  Just because she didn’t steal it doesn’t mean that she wouldn’t have if given the opportunity.  And, really, isn’t possessing the intent to steal just as bad as actually stealing?  Throw her in jail!

20:50: “Oh, actually, the jacket’s a little big.  And I don’t really love the color.  Not really my style either.  Can you get another one?” – What Laura’s dad was totally thinking.

22:00: The Morrises offer you food and shelter and the best you can do to repay them is sing a mostly on-key Christmas carol?  Talk about an all-time unbalanced trade.

22:30: It was a really risky choice to change Saved by the Bell from a sitcom about high school students and their principal to a drama about a family that takes in a homeless man and his daughter, but I think it’s safe to say now that it worked out for the best.

4:18pm, Episode 10: “Mystery Weekend”

00:11: Last episode of Season 4!

00:15: And what an episode!

01:30: This really makes no sense.  Six high school kids win tickets to a murder mystery weekend?  Seems like a stretch.  But that’s okay!  We’ll buy it!

04:00: It’s a wonder that Jessie’s jeans never choked her to death.

05:00: Zack, somebody just died!  That is nothing to be excited about!

05:30: Well, actually, he’s right.  It had been five minutes already.  A vicious homicide was way overdue.

06:11: Wow, they totally just checked out the french maid’s ass.  Not very kid-appropriate.

06:30: “Nothing like a good murder to bring out my appetite.”  CLASSIC SLATER

07:00: I hope that America’s horse jockeys know that Jessie stole all their blazers.

08:30: Green blazer!

08:50: Oh wait, and that’s the same dress Lisa wore in Desert Springs!  They thought we wouldn’t notice.  C’mon, guys.  C’mon.

09:00: Some fashion maven Lisa is.

10:00: Zack called Screech a twink again.  It’s getting a little excessive.

10:30: Oh man, the inspector is dead!  We’ll never know who the killer is now!  Well, they might as well just lock up Screech.  Somebody has to pay.

11:50: I’m not convinced.  I think this is still part of the game.

12:45: Jeez, how much did Zack pack for one weekend.  Talk about a clothes horse.  I don’t know why he bothered packing at all.  It’s not like he’s going to wear anything else besides his green blazer.

12:55: Ha, “Zack pack.”  Could be his next band!

13:30: “Oh, sure, Lisa.  I’ll hug you for no reason.” – Zack

15:00: I don’t know, I still think this is all part of the game.

15:20: This maid’s French accent is bad as Brian’s British accent.  She does have quite the bosom though.  Not that I would have noticed as a nine-year-old.

16:20: What kind of person is Zack Morris?  Well, he’s like a blond Tom Cruise, of course.

16:40: Come to think of it, Zack really has broken a lot of laws.  Gambling, kidnapping, theft, fraud, human trafficking, sexual harassment, for starters.  This laundry of his crimes is just like the finale of Seinfeld.

18:40: “Relax Screech, I’ll protect you.” CLASSIC SLATER.

19:08: “Um, Zack, sorry, but you’re on your own.  You’re gonna FRY.”

19:49: A secret passage?  Hmmm…still think this is part of the game.  But it could go either way.

20:30: How do they make lightning strike on cue?  BLACK MAGIC????

21:11: “Thanks, Zack.  I’ve literally been standing in this fireplace for hours.”

22:08: SEE!  I told you!  IT WAS ALL PART OF THE GAME.

22:40: Screech, if you like this girl then just tell her.  Don’t pull her ponytail.  That’s kindergarten stuff, man.

And so ends Season 4.  A season that can only be defined by two words: “green blazer.”


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Filed under Bob Loblaw, Fashion Show at Lunch, Masochism, Nostalgia Corner, Saved by the Bell, Saved by the Bell Project, Seinlanguage

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