Don’t go trying some new fashion
Don’t change the color of your hair
You always have my unspoken passion
Although I might not seem to care
I don’t want clever conversation
I never want to work that hard
I just want someone that I can talk to
I want you just the way you are.
Last week we visited Taco Bell for the first time since it introduced its new Cantina Bell menu, a shameless pandering to the Chipotle burrito bowl crowd, a citrus-herb-marinated-chicken-fisted attempt to appeal to those who prefer a “gourmet, healthier, fresher” option. First of all, those words should never, ever appear in the same sentence with Taco Bell, unless you were listing antonyms for Taco Bell. And while we’d go under oath professing that avocado is one of our three favorite foods (along with bacon and cheese, creating the Holy Trinity of food, the A-B-Cs of eating), at Taco Bell we don’t want our guac coming from anywhere other than a caulk gun. If we wanted fresh guacamole not the consistency of toothpaste we wouldn’t go to Taco Bell, we’d make it ourselves (and we make a pretty mean guac, ask around). It’s pretty simple. We know what you are Taco Bell (at least we thought we did), and we were happy with you. Billy Joel pretty much says it exactly right. Don’t go changing to try and please me. I’ll take you just the way you are.